Please help - how to reply to friend - son just diagnosed

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

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amother

Mon, Feb 08 2021, 7:45 pm

With serious illness? She just texted me as he kid has been hospitalized for a while, they were doing a lot of testing and the finally got the answers and results. I’m crying and don’t know how to respond to her message Sad

amother

Puce

Mon, Feb 08 2021, 7:52 pm

Just respond “Sending love. You are in our tefillot.”
You can also offer to be of assistance and tell her that you will reach out to her on Wednesday to see if she needs any help with dinner/groceries/carpool..
OST important is that you just reach out so she feel a little less alone.

amother

Mon, Feb 08 2021, 8:02 pm

Thank you, this is perfect. I’m not handling, I can’t imagine what she and her son are going thru. He’s old enough to realize

amother

Magenta

Mon, Feb 08 2021, 8:04 pm

I'm so sorry op! May he have a complete and speedy refuah sheleima!
Don't not answer her texts - respond so she knows you're there. You don't have to have the right words - I can't imagine there are any. Just be there for her.

amother

Fuchsia

Mon, Feb 08 2021, 8:11 pm

Try to help her with what you can. If he is staying in hospital, ask her about shifts, ( covid harder) , if patient & caretaker need food in hospital, if you can set up a rotation of suppers in home for other family members, if you can take a child while she is tending to patient, if you can set up volunteers with org or if you can send over a girl of your own to help in her home. If you can babysit her baby or take her kids out or send a girl to babysit at night so she can get out a bit.
Shabbos invitations or food.
Send her to a getaway, take her out for lunch.
Send activities, books, dvd's audio stuff, games, crafts for patient. Ask what he likes etc.

amother

Silver

Mon, Feb 08 2021, 8:19 pm

Offer help - not just supper. Laundry, cleaning lady, picking kids up, play date. Keeping her household running. That's what ppl need, there is always pizza and takeout but there's not always someone to get your kid from the bus.

amother

Blue

Mon, Feb 08 2021, 9:03 pm

I’m so sorry OP- may her son Have a refuah sheleimah bkarov!! I remember when a close friend of mine was going through something difficult. When she told me my first response was “Oiy I’m so sorry I don’t even know what to say”. She responded with “that’s perfect there is nothing to say”. I echo the posters above. Offer specific help. So many well meaning ppl say “please let me know if you need anything” most people won’t reach out. But if you say it is Wednesday and I’m reaching out to make sure you have your shabbos needs- do you have a b c d e it’s easier for a person to respond no I don’t thanks.
Wishing your friend and her son much strength to get through this....

mammabear1

Mon, Feb 08 2021, 9:55 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Tell her you're davening for him, ask her what you can do to help, or if she's not the type to tell you she needs help let her know you're making dinner, picking up her kids, or whatever you are able to do.

The worst thing is to not answer messages, like someone else mentioned. She feels alone and afraid as is. I went through this recently where my baby was in the NICU post-birth and I felt like many of my friends literally avoided me out of fear of what to say. I can tell you it hurt so so bad. Just be there for her, also ask questions about her son if she wants to talk about it. It's a good feeling when a really close friend asks for updates etc. Obviously, this is only true if you are indeed really close with her and if she feels like sharing.

amother

Mon, Feb 08 2021, 10:48 pm

Thank you all for the replies. I sent her a warm nice text earlier. I am picking up her toddler from playgroup tomorrow. I’m thinking when I drop him off to bring a pie of pizza, fries etc and tell her beforehand. This way supper will be done. She has a live in housekeeper so bh for that, housework and babysitting will be under control.

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