Chinuch | Imamother

102345

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 10:34 am

is it better to take off my sons kappel when he comes home if he gets it dirty anyway its just becase of chinuch probly. a lot of mothers have it do they take it off when he comes home ?

amother

Peach

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 10:36 am

102345 wrote:

is it better to take off my sons kappel when he comes home if he gets it dirty anyway its just becase of chinuch probly. a lot of mothers have it do they take it off when he comes home ?

No, you don't take off his kappel when he comes home. A kappel is always on the head. If you're worried about it getting dirty, get the washable kaplech.

watergirl

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 10:46 am

Its ok if it gets dirty. Thats part of the charm!

102345

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 10:53 am

I got the super whashable size 1 but I cant wash it every day so I just take it of at home its not like im going on the street with him

amother

Peach

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 10:56 am

102345 wrote:

I got the super whashable size 1 but I cant wash it every day so I just take it of at home its not like im going on the street with him

No, you should not be doing this. It's not good chinuch. You shouldn't be getting him used to it. You should encourage him to wear it all the time. You don't need to wash it every day, it can be a bit dirty. Shake it out or spot wash it. You should also get another couple of kaplech he should be able to change.
Have you ever seen chassidish or any frum boys not wearing a kappel at home because their mom takes it off? You don't do that. I'm surprised a chassidish women can even have such a question.

amother

Peach

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 11:00 am

Delete

amother

Chartreuse

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 11:01 am

Some little boys have a hard time getting used to it and you gently put it on them and mostly ignore them if they take it off or it disappears, but you should never be the one to take it off them. If your little guy gets home and it's still on his head, good for him and no, don't take it off. I agree with watergirl if it starts to look a little worn and not so perfect that's all part of the charm.

102345

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 11:12 am

but its just for chinuch at home.

amother

Peach

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 11:18 am

102345 wrote:

but its just for chinuch at home.

So you shouldn't be him mechanech at home because no one see's? This is a wrong outlook. And the head should be covered when saying a brach or davening. You said you're chassidish, I'm surprised that a chassidish women thinks it's ok to take off her son's kappel at home. Did you ever see boys without a kappel because their mother took it off? What does your husband have to say about it?
And if you're the one to take it off, why should he want to wear it at all? You're supposed to encourage him to wear it at all times, not the opposite.
There's no difference chinuch wise & hashkafa/halacha wise between wearing a kappel at home or outside.

102345

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 11:24 am

my dh says that if he puts it on when making a brucha then its fine.

102345

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 11:26 am

and they is a diffrence under the sky and under a roof.

amother

Peach

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 11:28 am

102345 wrote:

my dh says that if he puts it on when making a brucha then its fine.

Correct, this applies if he's refusing to wear it and takes it off on his own. But you should never be the one to take it off and encourage him not to wear it. You're job as a parent is to encourage him to wear it.

amother

Cobalt

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 11:29 am

Why is there a difference outside and at home?
I've never heard of such a thing.

Why is a yarmulke for chinuch? It's about yiras shamayim!

Also, does your dh wash his yarmulke often?
My dh's and sons generally wear them for months until they're worn out. Do ladies really wash them frequently?
I'm going to have to make a spinoff and a poll.

102345

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 11:33 am

yes in halachah it says a diffrence and if it gets old it smells .

FranticFrummie

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 11:33 am

It's not just a Chassidish thing, either. I don't know of any Yeshivish or MO boys who take off their kippa at home. It just isn't done.

For little boys, mothers just buy lots of inexpensive ones, because they will be forever getting lost until the boys are used to it.

It's like wearing a ring. It feels weird at first, but eventually you'll feel "naked" when you take the ring off. It's the same as getting used to having a kippa on your head. He'll start to feel "naked" without it, and that's exactly what you want.

amother

Peach

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 11:35 am

102345 wrote:

yes in halachah it says a diffrence and if it gets old it smells .

Most kids have a good few kaplech so they keep changing and washing. A kappel isn't supposed to last forever, if it smells you either wash it or throw it away.
There's no difference in halacha between in the home or outside. It's not common for frum men to take off their head covering inside because the head needs to be covered when making a bracha, davening, learning, and dvar shebikdisha.

watergirl

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 11:37 am

amother [ Peach ] wrote:

[Posting as a mod - this goes to everyone; stop with the "I'm surprised a chassidish women..." comments. It does not belong here and it is not so subtly inferring various things. It's not nice and it is inappropriate. Some times things can be thought but not said and this is one of those times.]

amother

Cobalt

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 11:38 am

From dailyhalacha.com

There is considerable debate among the Halachic authorities as to whether or not wearing a Kippa constitutes an outright obligation. The Hid"a (Rabbi Hayim Yosef David Azulai, Israel, 1724-1806) classified wearing a Kippa as a "Midat Hasidut" (measure of piety), rather than a strict requirement. Others, however, including the Taz (commentary to the Shulchan Aruch by Rabbi David Ben Shemuel Halevi, Poland, 1586-1667), held that nowadays wearing a Kippa is required according to the strict Halacha. Chacham Ovadia Yosef, in a famous responsum, noted that wearing a Kippa nowadays serves as a symbol of one's affiliation with the observant Jewish community, and one should therefore make a point of wearing a Kippa at all times, except, of course, when he bathes and the like. According to the teachings of Kabbala, one should wear a Kippa even while he sleeps.

It is therefore proper to wear a Kippa at all times, both in and out of the home, particularly in light of the fact that we generally live in safe neighborhoods where there is no immediate threat of anti-Semitic hostility. Wearing a Kippa has the effect of reminding a person of God's presence over him, which will cause him to conduct himself with a greater sense of humility of fear of God. Of course, one need not wear a Kippa outdoors if this would expose him to danger.

One should be especially careful to wear a Kippa when praying or reciting a Beracha. The Halachic authorities debate the question of whether one must repeat a prayer or Beracha that he recited without wearing a Kippa. Chacham Ovadia Yosef ruled that one does not repeat the prayer or Beracha in such a case.

How large a Kippa must one wear?

Chacham Ovadia Yosef rules that one should preferably wear a Kippa that covers the majority of his head. At very least, he adds, one's Kippa should be large enough to be seen from all sides.

Summary: One should wear a Kippa at all times, except when he bathes and the like, both indoors and outside, unless this will expose him to danger. One need not repeat a prayer or Beracha recited without a Kippa. One's Kippa should be large enough to cover the majority of his head, or at least to be visible from all sides.

behappy2

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 12:25 pm

If you take it off you are TEACHING HIM TO TAKE IT OFF. That is the last thing you want to do.

What you want to do is tell him how big he is and show his yarmulke off to every one you know in his presence!

Get a few. They get lost, ruined..

Just One

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 12:47 pm

I commiserate with you. My three year old is constantly losing his yarmulka and getting them filthy. That being said, I would never ever take the yarmulke off him. When he throws it off I don't get into a power struggle but he knows that tatty and mommy are so proud of him when he wears his yarmulke like a big boy.

The only solution I can think of is having some nice yarmulkes for wearing out of the house and getting a few cheap plain yarmulkes especially for in the house that you won't care to wash daily.

Remember that it's a very temporary struggle. In another year or two the yarmulke wearing will be second nature and stay nice and clean on his head all day. If you encourage it now he will stay with a lifelong appreciation.