Asking kids to help pay for sleep away camp

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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amother

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 12:31 pm

I live in a wealthier area and we bh have what we need but we are far from wealthy. Most of my neighbors are either away in the country for the summer or send their daughters to camp both halfs. My daughter will IYH be going to camp second half and working in a day camp first half. She knows that she needs her own spending money for camp. Is it fair of me to ask her for like 500 of her day camp money to go towards sleep away? I don't want her to resent me or or feel inferior to our wealthier neighbors but over 2000 for one half of camp is a lot of money!!!!!

amother

Azure

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 12:33 pm

How old is she?

amother

Royalblue

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 12:34 pm

No. It’s not worth it.

If you honestly have no way of paying for camp and she would not be able to attend otherwise, maybe there’s room for doing so, but not by asking her outright to pay for it. I can’t think of the right words now, but in your situation my immediate response is don’t do it.

amother

Gold

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 12:34 pm

In my community it's very normal for girls to work 1/2 a summer and use that money towards paying for camp. I know of other communities where this is the norm.

amother

Royalblue

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 12:36 pm

amother [ Gold ] wrote:

In my community it's very normal for girls to work 1/2 a summer and use that money towards paying for camp.

This is if the girls are aware of the expense, and are voluntarily working to save up for camp. But if this wasn’t the initial intention, you can’t tell her after the fact to pay for camp.

amother

Pearl

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 12:37 pm

I wouldn't. My daughter is 12. She goes to posh sleep away camp each summer and I, bh, can afford to send her. I want her to be a child as long as she can. She earns money (through weekly chores, babysitting, selling homemade brownies and bracelets) and has her own debit card / savings account so she's learning to be financially responsible. She goes into stores and debates whether something is worth x dollars and more often than not, she'll walk away rather than spend. She loves seeing her savings grow and she sets her own savings goals (currently 10k for "life and college"). Camp is a trinket compared to the bigger life expenses and I'd rather my daughter put her money towards college or a future house of her own than camp. Camp, I can pay for. Bigger items, let her save up and understand how much it would take to cover those things.

amother

Gold

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 12:38 pm

amother [ Royalblue ] wrote:

This is if the girls are aware of the expense, and are voluntarily working to save up for camp. But if this wasn’t the initial intention, you can’t tell her after the fact to pay for camp.

This is the arrangement that's made in advance. If they want to go to camp, they have to work 1/2 a summer.
I do agree that it's unfair to the child if this wasn't the plan all along.

Elfrida

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 12:38 pm

Is that money that she wouldn't be doing anything with, or is she saving it to be able to partially fund seminary?

You can ask older children to help cover big nonessential expenses, but there has to be a joint plan for where the money is going.

amother

Cobalt

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 12:39 pm

Depends on what the expectation are.
If you've been talking about camp as if it was a given that she would attend, it's tricky to now ask for a contribution.
But if you're at the registration stage, I see nothing wrong with telling her I looked into camp and it's a little above our budget. Would you still like to go but participate in paying for it?

amother

Plum

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 12:40 pm

If you genuinely cannot afford it, and you say to her that you can’t afford and if it is important to her, would she be willing to work the first half of the summer to pay for the second and get to go, but otherwise, you are sorry but she can’t go.
Other than that, no. Either pay yourself or don’t send at all. It is not fair to take the money unless she wants to spend it on camp.

FYI, if it makes you feel any better, our camp second month, which is less expensive than first, is $4,850. Lots of kids just don’t go.

ShishKabob

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 12:42 pm

amother [ Cobalt ] wrote:

This

amother

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 12:45 pm

Elfrida wrote:

She is my oldest and this is her first year working and her first year going to sleepaway camp. You actually gave me a very good idea. She will be making around 1000. I think I will pay for her camp entirely but tell her that we are starting a fund for seminary. I will put 500 of her summer money there and the rest she can have as spending money. She is in 8th grade.

amother

Tan

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 12:48 pm

amother [ Cobalt ] wrote:

Maybe this. Even this I would only do if I reviewed my own spending thoroughly and was confident that DH and I had cut everything possible that we could as adults: cleaning help, takeout, books and magazine purchases, extra clothes and beauty expenses, everything that we don't 110% need.

amother

Gold

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 12:53 pm

amother [ Tan ] wrote:

I don't think anyone should cut down on cleaning help to be able to afford camp for their kids.

amother

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 12:54 pm

amother [ Tan ] wrote:

Not to derail my own thread here but cleaning help is not something I would cut back on. Unless my kids are actively willing to pitch in more (which I am sure they will not), the cleaning help is not just for me its for them too!

amother

Tan

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 12:57 pm

I was talking about me. You might have a different list of things. DH and I are BH healthy and capable of cleaning our home, which we have been doing ourselves since COVID. So we don't need it, although it is a big convenience when we have it. Obviously everyone should make their own cheshbon.

ShishKabob

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 1:12 pm

amother [ Gold ] wrote:

I don't think anyone should cut down on cleaning help to be able to afford camp for their kids.

Me neither.

Crookshanks

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 1:43 pm

amother [ Gold ] wrote:

In my community it's very normal for girls to work 1/2 a summer and use that money towards paying for camp. I know of other communities where this is the norm.

Didn't read the rest of the thread, same here.

amother

Oak

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 2:26 pm

I think it really depends on your individual finances and also what your daughter would be using the money for.

Do you give her a realistic allowance so that she has money during the year to do normal social things with friends? If she needs to earn her own money to pay for things beyond basics that is something to consider. Realistically I wasn't able to work during school year because there simply wasn't enough time between homework, commute and music lessons (and practice) and yes - for normal socializing. I did work during the summers but I also needed the money to help pay for stuff I wanted even though I also got an allowance - stuff like getting birthday presents for may friends would not have been possible to get through my allowance for example.

If it is the only way to fund summer camp and your daughter wants the experience and it is discussed in advance, then asking her to fund 25% of cost is fair. But then realistically how much money will she have for the rest of the year and can she augment through working during school year and do you want her to - my parents didn't and there wouldn't have been time for me to do it.

Chayalle

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 3:08 pm

My girls started working half a summer at the point that they also went to sleepaway camp. We paid the camp fee, they paid their canteen, trip money, extras, etc...not usually a very big amount.

One of the reasons we pushed ourselves to pay the camp fee and not have them pay it is, to teach them to save money. Most of the money they earned was saved. One DD is using that to help pay her college education now. Other DD has simply saved it, along with work savings - B"EH for when she gets married. It paid off in that they never just spent their money frivolously.

I also want to comment on your comment that it is alot of money. I agree - it's astronomical! However, my attitude towards my kids and paying for things is not whether it's alot of money, but rather, whether I can manage it.

I also will say (maybe I shouldn't) that the camp my DD's went to graciously allowed me to split the cost up a bit and pay up by the end of the year. They worked with me.

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