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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
Kids "Friends"



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Tefila




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 03 2004, 2:35 pm
How do you ensure your child mixes with the right group and as they get older what do you do if you think a 'friend' can be a bad influence, but your child doesnt see? How do we positivley teach them to open their eyes?
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Rochel Leah




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 03 2004, 4:14 pm
This is a tough one. I dont have a school going child yet, so I havent "prepared" myself yet. though my parents, wouldnt let my bro/sis go to someones house if they thought there would be a bad influence, though they would let the kid come to our house, so at least they were in control of what was going on. my parents instilled in us to have ahavas yisroel for anybody and everybody- for shbbos we would alwasy have guests that were the ones that nonoe wanted to invite. my parents said at least while having the "not yet good" kid over, it would be a good influence on him. but once I do remember that one of my brothers frieds were "banned' from coming to our house couse he did something inappropriate- dont remember what though.
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proudmom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 03 2004, 4:27 pm
I neither dont have that problem yet. It is a really hard situation to deal with. Problem is if the kids will listen to you. If you are very close with your children and they come to you for support and/or ask you for advice it will be easier to convince them. you could d sit down and talk to them about their friend and you can tell them what you do and what you dont like about them. I hope they will listen. Teenagers are hard to deal with. Because a lot of them have a one track mind. a lot of them are very open minded. So it is important to teach them when they are younger about the good influence friends to hang out with..I wish you a lot of luck.
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Tefila




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 07 2004, 3:13 am
B/c we are so into middohs my kids will justify their friends behavior so much so they think that they will influence them. But I do like the idea of having them come to our home more than the other way around. I really only have this prob with my 11yr old , I just want him to try and realize on his own what friends he should stick around and how friendly he should become with them. I don't like to be on his back about it.
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micki




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 07 2004, 10:36 am
freilich- whats "wrong: with the specific child?
in my kids class there is one girl who is very wild. no interest in scholwork and when ever she is next to my kid she makes her wild and they say not nice things about my other kids. so I don't let her come to our house very often and in school I made sure that they don't sit next to each other. more than that I have to teach my child why certain things are not good middos.
but an 11 yr old is older and different..
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Motek




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 07 2004, 12:00 pm
Freilich - many people wonder about how shluchim can put themselves and their children into spiritual danger by taking them to places without a good, frum environment. Won't they and their children be influenced by the secular, anti-Torah people they meet?

and the answer that is given has an interesting halachic basis, that in kashrus, a pot is said to be either "giving out" or "absorbing" but never both.

the point is, either you're influencing, or being influenced, and it's important to do a "reality check" to see which one it is

do you think you can discuss this concept with your son? You can say that judging others favorably is wonderful, and you commend him for it, but at the same time he has to be honest and decide who is influencing who
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Tefila




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 08 2004, 8:56 pm
Motek
Quote:
Won't they and their children be influenced by the secular, anti-Torah people they meet?

Yes when you are dealing with not yet frum jews but what about if they are frum supposedly just like u.
This kid I would'nt call bad but not a great influence he is very friendly and lovable so I understand my kid being friends with him but he is chutzpadik to teachers and parents like never mind and does things behind parents back plus parents tells my child we are too strict...how do I know well I ba"h have a listening ear to all my kids ! my child understands logically but emotionaly likes him alot. So I think he can come to us like I responded b/4 to micki and supervise them
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Motek




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 08 2004, 9:51 pm
Quote:
Yes when you are dealing with not yet frum jews but what about if they are frum supposedly just like u.


it's much harder but the same concept applies: either you're influencing or being influenced

Quote:
plus parents tells my child we are too strict...


the boy's parents say that to your child!? shock
oh boy ...
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Tefila




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 14 2007, 5:16 pm
B"h this has got sorted out.
Now what do I do if I have become close to a mother and her children are not a good influence?
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Imaonwheels




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 15 2007, 7:11 am
Tefila wrote:
B"h this has got sorted out.
Now what do I do if I have become close to a mother and her children are not a good influence?


Meet that mother in the morning or at adult affairs. What do you do when you have a friend who dh doesn't get along with hers?
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