Ignoring PM's | Imamother

amother

Thu, Feb 11 2021, 9:36 am

I am getting fed up! I don't private message posters often, but when I do, it is only mentschlich to respond politely with a Thank you for going out of her (my) way to research the information and type up information clearly. I would say perhaps even as much as 90% of the time that either a poster reaches out to me, or if I reach out to a poster based on a thread with information that I think may be beneficial to the poster, my posts are ignored! Usually the private message shows that it was read, but the poster never gets back to me. Somehow I feel it is different than not responding to a particular post on a thread. When I reach out directly to a poster, it almost feels as if I am speaking face to face to a person and she is specifically choosing to ignore me. One the other hand, one of many posts in a thread being like a group conversation with many comments being shared all at once, it's hard to keep track, and it is understandable not to respond to each comment. Ignoring PM's is just plain rude and hurtful. Is it just me?

amother

Thu, Feb 11 2021, 9:43 am

allthingsblue wrote:

Are offering solicited or unsolicited advice ?

No.

More like: looking for job in Brooklyn, so I contacted the poster with info about a possible position available. (Not quite the situation, but just an example)

Or, I mentioned on a thread that I had info about a particular situation, and a couple of posters pm'd me but never responded after I shared the info I had.

JD03

Thu, Feb 11 2021, 9:45 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Not nice of them at all. I completely understand you.

ShishKabob

Thu, Feb 11 2021, 9:46 am

Hm. Maybe you need to take a step back and first pm the poster if they are interested in information about the topic. After they answer you positively I would go ahead and do research. I wouldn't invest a whole lot of time on someone that would not appreciate my hard work or knowledge. I'm sorry this happened to you. It doesn't feel good. You are probably a very giving person.

amother

Thu, Feb 11 2021, 9:50 am

amother [ Azure ] wrote:

I don't appreciate getting a PM out of the blue without the poster saying on a specific thread that she PM'd me or I specifically asked to be PM'd.

Huh?
If someone starts a thread: looking for job in Brooklyn, I wouldn't want hundreds of posters pm'ing me if I post: "Op, I pm'd you. I may know of something available."- asking for more details.

Instead, I pm her directly: "I may know of something in that field. The salary is $xx per hour. Please let me know if you would like more info."

amother

Denim

Thu, Feb 11 2021, 10:21 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Is what you are replying related to your field of work?

amother

Babypink

Thu, Feb 11 2021, 10:34 am

amother [ Azure ] wrote:

I don't appreciate getting a PM out of the blue without the poster saying on a specific thread that she PM'd me or I specifically asked to be PM'd.

OK, so if you happen to be the person I sent a PM to out of the blue yesterday, which was sent out of concern and kindness, yet unwanted for whatever reason - please forgive me. I never meant to make you uncomfortable. Totally the opposite. But I won't do it again.

naomi2

Thu, Feb 11 2021, 10:41 am

I think it's rude if someone specifically asked for help in a thread or asked to be messaged and then they don't respond to your pm.
That being said. Stop putting so much effort into helping posters here because you know now you will not get the validation you want out of it

amother

Azure

Thu, Feb 11 2021, 10:43 am

amother [ Babypink ] wrote:

Nope, no worries.
I always respond to PM's, it just annoys me that it's out of the blue and unrelated to a thread.
I have received PM's from posters talking lashon hora on other posters because they want to prove a point and are afraid to post it. I've also been bashed via PM because they didn't have the galls to do it on the thread.

moonstone

Thu, Feb 11 2021, 10:52 am

amother [ Azure ] wrote:

I don't appreciate getting a PM out of the blue without the poster saying on a specific thread that she PM'd me or I specifically asked to be PM'd.

Are you saying that someone has to post on a thread that they're sending you a PM before they actually send it to you? Why do you need a "warning?"

amother

Azure

Thu, Feb 11 2021, 11:05 am

moonstone wrote:

Are you saying that someone has to post on a thread that they're sending you a PM before they actually send it to you? Why do you need a "warning?"

You see it all the time. Someone replies in a thread "I'll PM you" or "please PM me." I've gotten some random weird PM's throughout the years.

amother

Bronze

Thu, Feb 11 2021, 11:09 am

I don't use the email account linked to Imamother frequently, so I would miss a notification of an incoming PM.

I once opened a thread anonymously asking if anyone knew of a remote bookkeeping/position, and a poster kindly emailed me that she might have an opening for me.

I forgot that I was not getting email notifications from Imamother on my regular email account, and missed her email response.
I only noticed her email a few days after she sent it - it is possible she thought I was rudely ignoring her.

thunderstorm

Thu, Feb 11 2021, 11:19 am

I’m sorry , I’m guilty for accidentally forgetting to reply to a PM more than once. I often read posts quickly when I’m at work or busy at home and then I get sidetracked and forget to respond . There were times that I clicked on it got busy and never got to actually read the post I had clicked on and forgot that there was a message. I understand that it may appear to be rude but it was not intentional.

amother

Dodgerblue

Thu, Feb 11 2021, 12:00 pm

I’ve been on both sides:
Someone asked for info on a therapist via pm and I shared it gladly. I recently stopped that therapy for different reasons and shot her a pm telling her that and asking how she was doing in hers and she never answered... can’t say it felt good
On the other hand- someone gave me info that I needed and then sent me a pm later and I was too emotionally blah even to open it... not doing well emotionally lately

So I understand both sides