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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
Ignoring PM's
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moonstone




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 3:01 pm
amother [ Azure ] wrote:
You see it all the time. Someone replies in a thread "I'll PM you" or "please PM me." I've gotten some random weird PM's throughout the years.


Yes, I've seen that many times. But it sounds like you don't want a PM until the person has first publicly announced that they intend to send you one. I must be missing something; I still don't understand why it bothers you to receive a PM without advance notice.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 3:10 pm
amother [ Dodgerblue ] wrote:
I’ve been on both sides:
I recently stopped that therapy for different reasons and shot her a pm telling her that and asking how she was doing in hers and she never answered... can’t say it felt good

This! Exactly! Perfect example
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 3:13 pm
amother [ Dodgerblue ] wrote:
I’ve been on both sides:

On the other hand- someone gave me info that I needed and then sent me a pm later and I was too emotionally blah even to open it... not doing well emotionally lately

But in this case, it wouldn't show up that the message was read. So it wouldn't be so hurtful. If I see she didn't read the message, it could be the pm was overlooked and she's not outright ignoring me. I'm referring specifically to when the message was seen
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hodeez




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 3:13 pm
PM me I'll answer Smile but first warn me here so I know to look out for it Very Happy
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Miri1




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 3:20 pm
amother [ Dodgerblue ] wrote:
I’ve been on both sides:
Someone asked for info on a therapist via pm and I shared it gladly. I recently stopped that therapy for different reasons and shot her a pm telling her that and asking how she was doing in hers and she never answered... can’t say it felt good
On the other hand- someone gave me info that I needed and then sent me a pm later and I was too emotionally blah even to open it... not doing well emotionally lately

So I understand both sides


It's possible that if someone were feeling vulnerable or private about the therapy they may not be so open to discussing it.
It's different than when they are directly asking for information about it. It was very kind of you to share the info, and also to follow up. It may just be that for the recipient it was coming at the wrong time, or they may not want to continue the conversation.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 3:25 pm
Miri1 wrote:
It's possible that if someone were feeling vulnerable or private about the therapy they may not be so open to discussing it.
It's different than when they are directly asking for information about it. It was very kind of you to share the info, and also to follow up. It may just be that for the recipient it was coming at the wrong time, or they may not want to continue the conversation.

So she can just send a quick message:

"Thanks for the update! Have a great day"
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 3:28 pm
Miri1 wrote:
It's possible that if someone were feeling vulnerable or private about the therapy they may not be so open to discussing it.
It's different than when they are directly asking for information about it. It was very kind of you to share the info, and also to follow up. It may just be that for the recipient it was coming at the wrong time, or they may not want to continue the conversation.

Exactly
That’s what I’m saying
Because I was on the other side of it too I perfectly do understand now
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 3:30 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
But in this case, it wouldn't show up that the message was read. So it wouldn't be so hurtful. If I see she didn't read the message, it could be the pm was overlooked and she's not outright ignoring me. I'm referring specifically to when the message was seen

Maybe I did read it eventually
Who knows
When you’re in a bad place that’s not first on your mind and of course you’re not doing it to hurt anyone...
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amother
Ivory


 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 4:20 pm
On the flip side I’ve gotten pms after posting anonymously- because people must have figured out who I am & wanted to share advice... well, if I posted anonymously keep your finding to yourself...
I may have read it but I’m not interested in acknowledging if I’m op of that thread or whatever.
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Learning




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 4:31 pm
I think this site is basically anonymous and you shouldn’t get anything to heart. We don’t know if the person you pm is really who she is. You don’t know if she have psychological problems that prevents her for responding (and maybe it’s a he!!). It is good and bad to be anonymous. Just don’t invest emotionally. Some people just doing research. Or just bored and posting nonsense. That’s why ask first before you invest your time trying to help.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 4:39 pm
We are all responsible for our own feelings.

Being ignored isn't nice, but personally, this wouldn't bother me. If it did, I'd be sure to say in my pm, "I'd really appreciate it if you respond briefly to let me know if this PM was useful, TIA!"
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amother
Periwinkle


 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 4:49 pm
moonstone wrote:
Are you saying that someone has to post on a thread that they're sending you a PM before they actually send it to you? Why do you need a "warning?"

I don't like one on one interactions with strangers. When I post anonymously, that is usually the reason.
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 5:27 pm
I was not aware that you are supposed to give someone a heads up on the forum before you pm them. I PMd an Ima this week out of the blue for a phone number. Had zero contact with her ever before and she got back to me right away with the number.
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amother
Turquoise


 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 5:29 pm
amother [ Cerise ] wrote:
I was not aware that you are supposed to give someone a heads up on the forum before you pm them. I PMd an Ima this week out of the blue for a phone number. Had zero contact with her ever before and she got back to me right away with the number.
You’re not, people like inventing new rules. I have no issue with people pming me and if they tried letting me know in the thread first, I wouldn’t know because I don’t necessarily follow threads.
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amother
Azure


 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 5:35 pm
amother [ Cerise ] wrote:
I was not aware that you are supposed to give someone a heads up on the forum before you pm them. I PMd an Ima this week out of the blue for a phone number. Had zero contact with her ever before and she got back to me right away with the number.


You're not supposed to give a heads up just because I said it annoys me! I'm sure most people don't mind getting out of the blue PM's. I just don't like having a private discussion with someone I don't know.
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amother
Azure


 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 5:36 pm
amother [ Turquoise ] wrote:
You’re not, people like inventing new rules. I have no issue with people pming me and if they tried letting me know in the thread first, I wouldn’t know because I don’t necessarily follow threads.


No one is inventing rules.
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yo'ma




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 12 2021, 9:54 am
Who gets so many pm’s? I can’t not open or respond to a pm, WhatsApp message or any of those types of things. I feel like it’s ignoring someone.
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amother
Orange


 

Post Fri, Feb 12 2021, 9:56 am
What Learning said. This is the internet after all.
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amother
Lawngreen


 

Post Fri, Feb 12 2021, 10:10 am
I agree, it is rude.
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Crookshanks




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 12 2021, 11:21 am
amother [ Ivory ] wrote:
On the flip side I’ve gotten pms after posting anonymously- because people must have figured out who I am & wanted to share advice... well, if I posted anonymously keep your finding to yourself...
I may have read it but I’m not interested in acknowledging if I’m op of that thread or whatever.

Now THAT is very rude of people. If some people have a hobby of figuring out who OP is, at least they can keep their thoughts to themselves!
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