Looking for babysitter for 2 weeks in tri-state area

amother

Pewter

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 1:11 am

amother [ Silver ] wrote:

I've read studies on this. Feel free to do your own research.

Research shows that children who were in full time day care as babies have more behavioral problems later on, especially boys.

amother

Silver

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 1:11 am

bonny wrote:

No. This will affect the baby only if the attachment breach is prolonged and if the mother doesn't engage in the repair when she returns.
Get your facts straight.

Apparently, you leave babies and this belief lets you sleep better at night.

Attachment trauma is real, it's documented and it is very harmful.

amother

Pearl

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 1:11 am

amother [ Gray ] wrote:

You don't know this and you don't get to decide this. This is not the derech hatevah for a baby and people just say it to make themselves feel better about abandoning their babies. A baby can't express themselves and we don't know how they feel. They don't forget quickly, the trauma can stay with them for a long time. I don't know why people think that babies are pegs in a game that theuy can do as they please with.

I left my 18 month old for a week by my sister. No, she didn't really know this sister since my sister doesn't live in same hometown as me, nevertheless, it's 'family'. She's now a 7 yr old happy child and doesn't even know/remember I ever left her.
And when I left my 13 month old at my mil because I had a baby, child was confused at 1st but very quickly got back to their old self. No trauma effects for either. Thank you very much.

I don't think kids are pegs, but sometimes certain situations call for actions, out of the ordinary. And it's very sad that people can't understand THAT. Rather have 10 other crazy things happen, causing to neglect baby, but chas vachalila do not leave them so you can tend to them with more love afterwards.

Please try to understand others.

amother

Gray

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 1:12 am

amother [ Pewter ] wrote:

It was very standard to send babies away for two weeks after a mother gave birth just a few years ago. My father is in his sixties and was sent away when my grandmother had a baby - he was sent to a relative but hadn't known her before. This was standard operating procedure in those times. (And yes, he cried a lot).

We're talking about a nursing baby here.
Bh there's more awareness now. Because people did it years ago, it doesn't make it ok.

amother

Bronze

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 1:12 am

amother [ Pewter ] wrote:

So babies were made differently 50 years ago? They weren't traumatized as easily or what? What's the difference how long ago it was?

50 years ago there was a very different attitude about child rearing in many ways. A lot of things that were accepted then aren't done anymore.
Listen, if your dad is still talking about how he cried as a baby 60+ years ago, to his children, it actually sounds like it did traumatize him. If it wasn't a big deal why would he still be talking about it? Why would you even know about it? It sounds like he specifically didn't do the same with any of *his* kids.

amother

Gray

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 1:18 am

amother [ Pearl ] wrote:

Sometimes we have no choice. Vacation is a choice. A choice that won't solve any problems. Your problems will be waiting when you come back. People don't realize that babies have feelings.

bonny

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 1:18 am

amother [ Silver ] wrote:

Sweetheart, I don't believe you for a second.

That's ok.
I know I'm right.
To be clear, you're not wrong. It's just that you're using your knowledge in a black and white way. Attachment theory is remarkably profound. The information you have is accurate but the way you apply it to reality is faulty.

amother

Slateblue

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 1:20 am

bonny wrote:

Would you say the same if she had cancer?
Emotional and mental health is a real thing. You don't know this woman. You know nothing about her struggles. You judge based on a request. This is wrong on so many levels.
I seriously hope this woman gets her much needed vacation and comes back feeling refreshed and better able to care for her precious baby, whom I have no doubt she loves more than anyone on here who worries so passionately about this child.

A two week vacation with her husband is not a cure for mental health issues. And whether she wanted her baby or not a mother’s job is to care for her baby.

amother

Pewter

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 1:21 am

amother [ Bronze ] wrote:

You're making a lot of assumptions here and none of them are true. Children are not different today then they were 50 years ago. And my grandma told me this, not my dad. No he was not traumatized and he was totally fine. (He also didn't go out of the house till six years old - first grade - which was standard then too. No playgroup, no kindergarten, no pregnancy 1 a. Learned alef bais and kriah at home.I guess one balances the other out, plus....)

amother

Pewter

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 1:23 am

amother [ Gray ] wrote:

Sometimes we have no choice. Vacation is a choice. A choice that won't solve any problems. Your problems will be waiting when you come back. People don't realize that babies have feelings.

I dunno. I just came back from a vacation, it solved a lot of problems for me. But to each her own....

amother

Pearl

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 1:24 am

amother [ Gray ] wrote:

Sometimes we have no choice. Vacation is a choice. A choice that won't solve any problems. Your problems will be waiting when you come back. People don't realize that babies have feelings.

It won't solve but may make the problem(s) easier to handle, after unwinding and getting some time of peace and quiet for themselves.

amother

Bronze

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 1:26 am

amother [ Pewter ] wrote:

So your parents did the same? It sure doesn't sound like it... children may not have changed, but child rearing practices certainly have changed a lot from the 1960s.

And it must have been a big deal for your grandma to be talking about it 60 years later, it must have left a big impression on her, sounds like it was a one time thing and she didn't do it again.

bonny

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 1:27 am

amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:

A two week vacation with her husband is not a cure for mental health issues. And whether she wanted her baby or not a mother’s job is to care for her baby.

Nobody said it was a cure but a good vacation could certainly make a lot of things better. Sometimes, that's all one really needs to get back on track.

amother

Gray

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 1:30 am

bonny wrote:

A vacation does not solve mental health issues. A vacation is not professional help. If she can't handle the challenge of an unexpected baby, a vacation will not change that.

amother

Pewter

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 1:32 am

amother [ Gray ] wrote:

A vacation does not solve mental health issues. A vacation is not professional help. If she can't handle the challenge of an unexpected baby, a vacation will not change that.

How do you know? Have you ever tried it?