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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children
Daughter Started Period....please advise!



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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Feb 14 2021, 6:47 pm
My daughter just turned 13. I'm pretty sure she just started her period.

Only pretty sure because I am not 100% and she's not saying a word!

DH found some bloody tissues in the garbage....like a lot. None of the kids claimed them, including her. This particular dd has a "history" of throwing tissues in the bathroom garbage after using the bathroom.

I calmly asked her if they were hers. She said no. Ok, fine...could be anyone's! About 10 minutes later she went to take a shower (voluntarily. ..which is strange for her...she hates showers!)

After her shower, I found her dirty clothes in the laundry. The back of her skirt was stained with blood, but her underwear was totally clean! Makes no sense! (I'm thinking maybe she was using the toilet paper as a "pad".)

I asked her again if she saw anything ...reiterated that it was totally normal, gave her a small "talk" and told her she wasn't in trouble or anything. I also gave her a small pad "just in case".

What's odd though....is that this daughter has a lot of sensory issues freaks out about EVERYTHING and is completely calm right now! Makes no sense!

I am completely baffled... She's my 6th daughter and every other one of my daughters (even the calm ones) haven't been this calm. And here is my daughter with major sensory issues being totally calm about blood and taking care of it on her own.
So strange!

Ok....please advise! Thank you!
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amother
Slategray


 

Post Sun, Feb 14 2021, 6:52 pm
Just offer her some products to use "when needed" tell her you are there if she has questions. Be matter of fact, don't force her into telling you.
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Feb 14 2021, 7:14 pm
amother [ Slategray ] wrote:
Just offer her some products to use "when needed" tell her you are there if she has questions. Be matter of fact, don't force her into telling you.



Thanks! That's what I did. How do I make sure she's changing the pad?
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amother
Slategray


 

Post Sun, Feb 14 2021, 7:16 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thanks! That's what I did. How do I make sure she's changing the pad?

She will figure it out.
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oneofakind




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 14 2021, 7:17 pm
You will have to leave it up to her. My most sensory, difficult DD handled it the quietest all by herself.
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Feb 14 2021, 7:20 pm
oneofakind wrote:
You will have to leave it up to her. My most sensory, difficult DD handled it the quietest all by herself.


Ok thanks for the reassurance. I'm totally baffled! She really didn't have much prior knowledge of periods (with her sensory issues, dr advised not to freak her out). She SO calm
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Elfrida




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 14 2021, 7:33 pm
She might be sensory, but also have a very strong sense of personal privacy, which is causing her to do any reacting in private.

I remember after I started, my mother told me, with a rather anxious look at the back of her eyes, "I think you've started your periods." This was absolutely no news to me, since it had been clear a few days earlier that that was what had happened. So I just stood there and waited for her. She went on, rather uncertainly, "You do know what it's about, don't you?" I did know, because she had brought me some books on the subject a few years earlier, so I agreed that I did. There had also been a packet of pads in my wardrobe for the past year. So I waited to see if she had anything else to say, and when she didn't I just got back to whatever I was doing. That was the only conversation we ever had on the subject.

It's not clear to me from your post how much your daughter knew beforehand. If she didn't know anything, this must have been a shock to her, and she may not have words to be able to talk about it.

If she did know, she may have absorbed the concept that this is a private matter, and be unwilling to talk about it. That's ok, and you don't need to make a fuss. Just be open if she does want to talk.

You say you gave her a small pad, but that won't last her very long. With a few older sisters in the house, there must be suitable supplies somewhere. Make sure she knows where and has access as necessary.

The other option is that it may not be her period, and just may have been abuse. In which case she is probably completely clamped down, and not even knowing how to say anything. I hope it wasn't this, and I don't know how to advise you if it was. Just bear this in mind as a remote possibility, and if it seems that this may be the case, seek help for all of you.
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Elfrida




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 14 2021, 7:35 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thanks! That's what I did. How do I make sure she's changing the pad?


If she is really sensory, she will hate the feeling of leaking. She'll learn when to change it.
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amother
Gold


 

Post Wed, Feb 17 2021, 10:01 am
Why would she be denying it? Did you talk to her about periods?? She is 13. Not young at all to start
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amother
Gray


 

Post Wed, Feb 17 2021, 10:12 am
I'm also sensory and very private. I never told my mother. Whenever she tried asking I calmly ignored her. I bought my own pads because the ones she bought were awful- I compared them to mattresses. I hid the used pads by wrapping them well with toilet paper. She never knew, as evidenced by the fact that she always thought I had it when I didn't. Every time I was in a grumpy mood she assumed I had it. Like a teen has no other reason to be in a bad mood.
It wasn't her fault. In reality I was not emotionally ready for puberty and extremely resentful. I didn't want to grow up. I wanted to be a kid for longer. She missed the mark with me but she couldn't have known. Eventually I grew into myself but my mother was kept in the dark.
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amother
Slategray


 

Post Wed, Feb 17 2021, 10:35 am
amother [ Gold ] wrote:
Why would she be denying it? Did you talk to her about periods?? She is 13. Not young at all to start

Some kids are just private and very self conscious. It's ok to give her some space and wait a few months in to broach the topic & make sure she is having normal cycles or whatever.
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oneofakind




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 17 2021, 1:04 pm
Chances are it won't be normal cycles in the beginning and maybe not ever. Just stock up on Midol.
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 17 2021, 1:24 pm
I told my girls at 10. The next time we went shopping I showed her where to find the pads at the makolet. I showed her the different types and other things on the package. Most importantly, which ones never to get since they are 3” thick and a foot long.
Neither started yet, bet they know enough and occasionally ask me questions.
Make sure you have a lined bin in the bathroom and change the bag regularly.
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tree of life




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 17 2021, 1:57 pm
You can buy period knickers they may be better for your daughter .
In the meantime give her the pads tell her she needs to change between every HR half first few days of her period etc etc show her exactly how it works on her knickers tell her to put a towel on her bed so if she leaks it won't stain the mattress
My girls wear two pairs of knickers for extra tightness or pair of tight leggings hatzlacha and mazal tov
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amother
Brunette


 

Post Wed, Feb 17 2021, 3:51 pm
You shouldn’t have given her one small pad. You should have given her a package. Show her how to stick a pad onto a clean pair of underwear. Tell her to let you know when she needs more.
Don’t start asking her who threw a tissue with blood into the garbage. That’s way too uncomfortable. Give her privacy but let her know you are there for her. Some girls end up feeling fine when they have their period so they can act totally calm and normal.
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