Lo went to bed hungry

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Toddlers

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amother

Black

Tue, Feb 16 2021, 8:01 am

#BestBubby wrote:

I would not offer chicken for supper every night if child doesn't like it.

Some nights could be beef burgers. Another night fish.

But I don't think parent has to offer two main courses every night.

If child doesn't eat supper once or twice a week, no big deal.

But probably child would eat a few bites once s/he knows there is no other option.

A normal dinner also has side dishes.

amother

Aubergine

Tue, Feb 16 2021, 8:16 am

amother [ Mint ] wrote:

Let's say fish sticks are your backup backup food when the kid won't eat anything else.
If they know it's there, won't they always decline the healthier meal and go to that?
That was my experience. And while I'm okay with fish sticks occasionally, I don't want my kids to eat them every night.

If food isn't an issue in the house and there's never a fight and struggle, kids eat what they're given way better.

#BestBubby

Tue, Feb 16 2021, 9:10 am

amother [ Aubergine ] wrote:

A parent doesn't have to offer 2 main courses. But if a child doesn't like the main course, they should be able to have something else. It's literally abuse to force a child to eat chicken and not let them have anything else at all.

I work for a family where the kids refuse the supper every night and eat yogurt, cereal, frozen pizza, or peanut butter EVERY night. Not healthy.

Redbird

Tue, Feb 16 2021, 9:16 am

amother [ Aubergine ] wrote:

It is abusive to only offer one thing and that's it. The child eventually eats it because there's nothing else to eat and they don't want to go hungry. How would you like to be forced to eat something you don't like? Kids have tastes as well and don't have to like everything given. I never make multiple dinners, if a kid doesn't like what I cooked, they can take a yogurt, oatmeal, noodle soup......giving a child only 1 thing to eat and they must eat that is controlling and abusive.

I don't like to overuse the word abusive. You're not going to convince somebody to change by calling them that. It sounds like OP loves her kid and want to do her best. Why else would she come here for a second opinions and advice?

But I agree that this is messed up. It's punishing a kid with hunger.

"Eat this think you don't like or go to bed hungry" sounds like "clean your room or go to bed hungry"

I'm ready for the tomatoes Punch

Redbird

Tue, Feb 16 2021, 9:28 am

#BestBubby wrote:

I work for a family where the kids refuse the supper every night and eat yogurt, cereal, frozen pizza, or peanut butter EVERY night. Not healthy.

There's a middle ground. Just because you don't force your kid to eat a chicken cutlet, doesn't mean they'll be eating pizza three meals a day.

Here's an example. Serve chicken nuggets, fresh veggies, and pasta. If the kid doesn't want the chicken nuggets, he can have veggies and pasta. Not perfect, but not bad for one meal either. That's not "catering."

Not everything a 3yo eats has to be right out of the Atkins cookbook.

amother

Silver

Tue, Feb 16 2021, 9:35 am

OP, your child didn’t go to bed hungry. Children don’t starve themselves- if he was hungry he would have had the food offered. He went to bed without dinner. Maybe he had lots of snacks throughout the day and just wasn’t hungry- it can happen.

Yes probably most people here will throw tomatoes at me, but I’m the same. If they don’t want to eat what’s on offer when I know they like it, that’s fine but there is nothing else to eat that evening. I leave their plates out and they can come back a bit later for it within reason. Trust me if it’s a dessert they like, suddenly they can finish it all plus dessert.

Don’t be too hard on yourself, I’m sure he had a nice breakfast this morning and is just fine.

sneakermom

Tue, Feb 16 2021, 9:37 am

#BestBubby wrote:

I work for a family where the kids refuse the supper every night and eat yogurt, cereal, frozen pizza, or peanut butter EVERY night. Not healthy.

Not sure you’re right. What’s healthy? To force and create a situation in which the child needs to develop defense mechanism’s to deal with it. Or to let the child eat kid friendly food until their palletes mature naturally? Opening up the road for healthy and happy eating as an adult.

amother

Coral

Tue, Feb 16 2021, 9:38 am

I don't insist my child eat everything but I do ask that they taste it before shouting they don't like it.
I know what my kids like to eat and I make my weekly menu accordingly. I have one night meatballs, one night cheese, one night fish and so on. Sometimes my kids will decide one night they don't want meatballs, okay so they'll eat the rest of the plate, veg etc. I don't fight them.
Skipping the occasional meal or even not eating much over a day is quite normal. My toddler some nights will eat 3 suppers worth, other nights barely grazes. I usually look at the weekly intake rather than the daily.
I think if this struggle is happening daily, it might be time to rethink the strategy. If it's a one off or occasional, then it's fine. Don't jump to abuse from one incident.

Redbird

Tue, Feb 16 2021, 9:55 am

Maybe I've been coming off a too strong because I cannot imagine putting my kids to bed without supper, because they're always really hungry supper time. I would never put a kid to sleep who's legitimately hungry.

But maybe OPs kid wasn't very hungry. If the kid was totally fine with going to sleep without food, and not showing signs of hunger, then that's not that's not the of the world.

amother

Aubergine

Tue, Feb 16 2021, 9:56 am

Redbird wrote:

Maybe I've been coming off a too strong because I cannot imagine putting my kids to bed without supper, they're always really hungry supper time. I would never put a kid to sleep who's legitimately hungry.

But maybe OPs kid wasn't very hungry. If the kid was totally fine with going to sleep without food, send not showing signs of hunger, then that's not that's not the of the world.

Or maybe he was hungry but he knew he won't get anything else so he didn't bother complaining.
OP said he hasn't eat much that day.

Redbird

Tue, Feb 16 2021, 10:06 am

amother [ Aubergine ] wrote:

Or maybe he was hungry but he knew he won't get anything else so he didn't bother complaining.
OP said he hasn't eat much that day.

Yea, possibly Sad

I hope not.

That is sad of a three year old believes it's pointless to express that hes hungry. if my kid was hungry but just didn't want chicken they would let me know...

I see a lot of posters here claimed that their kids are fine skipping a meal here and there and they're not hungry.

mizle10

Tue, Feb 16 2021, 10:16 am

Redbird wrote:

I feel like posts like these, and many others, are not used to dealing with really picky eaters.

I have a DD who won’t eat chicken nuggets, pasta, or vegetables.

The only thing she will eat, if I make it an option, is 1/2 cup of vanilla yogurt with chocolate chips. If it becomes a supper option, it’s the only thing she will eat for supper every. Single. Day. I’m not ok with that. Supper is what I prepared. You don’t need to like it but you need to taste one bite. If you want something else (always yogurt and chocolate chips) you need to eat a small portion of supper first. And if you choose not to eat at all that’s your choice but there is no yogurt.

mizle10

Tue, Feb 16 2021, 10:24 am

Redbird wrote:

When my 4-year-old does this I tell him "you told me you'll eat it so take three bites and then we'll find something else"

And what if he crosses his arms, closes his mouth and says NO.

amother

Apricot

Tue, Feb 16 2021, 10:32 am

mizle10 wrote:

I have a super picky child also. He has a handful of foods he'll eat.
But he will not be willing to taste. He will go to bed hungry, he will not eat if he doesn't like it. I tried.
If I make meatballs, spaghetti and cucumbers for supper, he will not eat a thing. I have 3 choices: 1) let him go to bed hungry. He won't be able to sleep. He will be kvetchy, but he won't eat. 2) force feed him. He may throw up, he will gag, and he most definitely will develop an aversion to these foods. 3) I can offer him oatmeal, yogurt, bread, turkey, cereal, banana or one of the other very few foods here eat happily and plentifully.
I do #3. I don't make a fancy supper for him. But I refuse to get into a power struggle with ultimatums that can cause him a lot of physical danger.
Not all children and adults will eat if they get hungry enough, unless they are at a point of actual starvation.
I refuse to allow my child to go on a week long hunger strike over meatballs, or macaroni, or anything else.

Redbird

Tue, Feb 16 2021, 10:35 am

Mizle10, that sounds really tough. I'm not sure what I would do if I was in your shoes.

Your situation does not sound that much like the OPs.

I'm getting the impression that your DC has more difficulties then just just picky eating. I don't want to jump to conclusions, please tell me if I'm wrong.

#BestBubby

Tue, Feb 16 2021, 10:42 am

Maybe a kid can have a snack supper Once a week (yogurt, cereal, frozen pizza, peanut butter) if have strong dislike of particular supper.

But not EVERY night.

mizle10

Tue, Feb 16 2021, 10:45 am

amother [ Apricot ] wrote:

You would be ok with him eating a banana for supper every night?

SixOfWands

Tue, Feb 16 2021, 10:49 am

OP, how is he feeling today? Based on your description, I had the feeling he might be coming down with something, not eating much in two meals.

IMNSHO, moderation. He doesn't have to finish his chicken, but unless its something he's expressed dislike for in the past, he has to try it. Make sure every meal includes things he likes, and go for an overall balance over the course of several days. So if he loves rice, but hates chicken, make sure you serve rice with the chicken, so he has something.

Or you can make a bit extra for each meal. Eg, Monday is meatballs, which everyone loves. Tuesday is chicken, which one kid hates, another tolerates, the rest like. So serve it with sides the disliking ones like, and leftover meatballs.

amother

Apricot

Tue, Feb 16 2021, 10:51 am

mizle10 wrote:

You would be ok with him eating a banana for supper every night?

Just a banana? No.
But he'll eat a banana, a bowl of plain oatmeal with some cinnamon, a 2 cups of milk for supper.
Or he'll eat a slice of bread with 3 slices of turkey breast.

He will eat 2 recipes of chicken begrudgingly and he'll inhale schnitzel.
But there's no world that he'll eat something if he doesn't want it.

mizle10

Tue, Feb 16 2021, 10:54 am

amother [ Apricot ] wrote:

If he doesn’t have to eat something he doesn’t want what would you do if he only wants a banana every night?

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