Please explain the concept of tznius in front of kids

mommy3b2c

Tue, Feb 16 2021, 9:15 pm

Another thread had me thinking about this. What is the reason for dressing tznius in front of your children. I understand that walking around in lingerie is not appropriate. I get not showing cleavage. But what could be wrong with wearing sweatpants and a tee shirt in front of your kids?

amother

Slategray

Tue, Feb 16 2021, 9:31 pm

Community or hashkafic standards ie not sending mixed messages. So for ex if I'll be fine wearing short sleeves in my own home, but in school and all around them they don't see that, and they're not old enough to understand that nuance but old enough to know it's not congruent.

We were a house full of girls, living oot, and my mother wore night shirts or nightgowns (short sleeve and knee length ie bare arms and feet) and I always knew even as a little girl that this wasn't tznius - to the standards I was used to. We always wore socks or tights and long sleeve, from age 3.

small bean

Tue, Feb 16 2021, 9:32 pm

I don't think something those of us who are not makpid will be able to understand. It's a sensitivity to be tzinus all the time even when we are not required.

amother

Seagreen

Tue, Feb 16 2021, 9:38 pm

I come from a tznius at all times home, and take the leniency to wear leggings and no hair covering in the house.
Children are smart and can be taught anything.

amother

Royalblue

Tue, Feb 16 2021, 9:56 pm

amother [ Slategray ] wrote:

Is it so hard to understand that at home with your family things can be more relaxed?

amother

Slategray

Tue, Feb 16 2021, 9:58 pm

amother [ Royalblue ] wrote:

Is it so hard to understand that at home with your family things can be more relaxed?

Nope, I'm kind of currently sleeping half naked lol (night sweats) and scrambling for a robe in the morning when 4 year old son appears. I'm just explaining the concept. And obviously have to step up my game here as he gets older.

amother

Pink

Tue, Feb 16 2021, 10:00 pm

For us tzenuis is a way of life and we should always be tzenuis, hashem is in our home as well. I want my girls to be tzenuis in the house & I have to be a role model. Everyone has different standards regarding tzenuis at home. There isn't just one right way.

essie14

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 12:51 am

My kids have no problem understanding that going out is different than at home. Ever since DD was 2 years old, she reminds me to put a hat on when we go out. I do not cover my hair in our house, but when I go out I always do. Its not mixed messages.

At home we wear pajamas, including her, but we don't go outside like that.

Spaghetti7

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 4:30 am

To lead by example. To maintain their sensitivity. I also feel like it's not cavodik for children to see their parents in a non tznius way, whatever non tznius means to you.

amother

Puce

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 7:14 am

It's kind of complex with different aspects but to sum up what everyone said:
- שויתי ה' לנגדי תמיד
Hashem is always before me. We dress tzniusly all the time. Hair covering, elbows, knees, legs, collarbone.
- בגד איש- not everyone holds it's okay to wear pants
- Chinuch of the children- to be a proper role model of tznius. There is also a measure of respect that is lost when children see their mother dressed inappropriately.
- Is there a halachic source that says one can be less covered in front of children? I don't see why children are different than other people.

LovesHashem

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 7:18 am

In these communities people are more makpid on being tzniyus even when they don't have to. Women wear coverups to a only women's pool as well. They where a tzniyus bathing suit or a cover up in the water.

mommy3b2c

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 7:23 am

amother [ Puce ] wrote:

To your last point, yes. It is Halacha that rules of tznius and shomer Negia and Yichud do not apply to your own children.

amother

Puce

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 7:36 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

To your last point, yes. It is Halacha that rules of tznius and shomer Negia and Yichud do not apply to your own children.

Shomer negiah and yichud, obviously.
I would like to see a source about tznius if anyone has one.

jd1212

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 7:45 am

amother [ Puce ] wrote:

Shomer negiah and yichud, obviously.
I would like to see a source about tznius if anyone has one.

The most basic sources to my knowledge delineate to what standard of tznius a man can daven/say Shema near. Not who else can see her.

Crookshanks

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 11:10 am

My mother only owns nightgowns-no pajama pants or leggings. We once visited her (somewhat equally yeshivish) friend's house and she did her morning workout in leggings and a sport t shirt in front of her kids. I was a little surprised, but to each their own. I personally don't wear nightgowns so this is something I'll have to figure out. Smile

amother

Jade

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 11:51 am

Spaghetti7 wrote:

I also feel like it's not cavodik for children to see their parents in a non tznius way, whatever non tznius means to you.

I don't know if people verbalize it as such, but I agree this is most often behind the motivation.
Nothing wrong with that, if that's your parenting style/outlook.

ShishKabob

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 11:56 am

essie14 wrote:

Even though I am worlds apart from this way, I agree with this. It says in the Shulchan Aruch rules of how you dress, when it's in your courtyard or in the public. There is a difference. Even if many of us do lifnim mishuras hadin and dress tzniusdig in our homes at all times. But I have no issue that there can be a very definite difference when you go out or when you are at home. And I don't think it sends mixed messages.

Crookshanks

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 11:56 am

amother [ Jade ] wrote:

I don't know if people verbalize it as such, but I agree this is most often behind the motivation.
Nothing wrong with that, if that's your parenting style/outlook.

Very true!

lamplighter

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 12:10 pm

I dress tznuis everywhere except in my bedroom, bathroom or pool.
Nothing to do with my kids. Nothing I need to explain to them or anyone else.
Its a standard of tznius that I chose. I think shulchan aruch supports it.