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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
Did I commit a faux pas - question for Chabad amothers



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watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 17 2021, 7:08 am
I work for a Chabad rabbi (a part time job). His daughter just got engaged and he sent me the announcement. I love this girl; I had known her for many years. I asked if he has a picture of the couple and he said "we [Chabad] don't take pictures of the couple together until after the chassuna". Is this true? I've seen a million pictures at the l'chaims and at the Rebbe's kever of the couple on the night of the engagement. Is this a thing I should have known? I had no idea this was a thing.
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 17 2021, 7:11 am
I don’t think it’s a big deal either way
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amother
Vermilion


 

Post Wed, Feb 17 2021, 7:15 am
It's not a big deal but it's true, the Rebbe said not to take a picture of an engaged couple. It's become common recently but many people still are careful about it.
I'm sure they have pictures you can see of the chosson and kallah, seperately.
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esther7




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 17 2021, 7:15 am
It is a thing amongst many chabad couples (though not everyone does it-as you said, you see many pictures of engaged chabad couples)
But totally not a big deal that you asked. No one would consider it offensive/wrong to ask for a picture. Don't feel bad!
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Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 17 2021, 7:19 am
not a faux pas at all. Definitely many chabad people do, some don't.
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amother
Brunette


 

Post Wed, Feb 17 2021, 7:20 am
Not Chabad, but my DD does friendship circle with a lot of Chabad young women, with whom she is friends. She has seen many engagement pics at the kever. When he said “we”, might he have meant his family as opposed to all of Chabad?
Even so, definitely didn’t offend or commit any faux pas. He is a Chabad Rabbi and has gotten many questions over the years. Even if it was an unusual question, I’m sure it wouldn’t even register.
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twizzlers1




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 17 2021, 7:23 am
I also didn't know it was a thing. But I also have seen a many chabad couples in photos before they are married.
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watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 17 2021, 7:25 am
Thanks all!
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 17 2021, 7:55 am
It's not a faux pas to ask. He answered. Done.
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amother
White


 

Post Wed, Feb 17 2021, 10:49 am
It is a directive of the Rebbe. Some people will take a picture where chosson and kallah are not posing, such as a profile shot of them talking, or another random shot.
That it has become more integrated for couples to take pictures, may be due to social media.
There are many people that are still careful with this. Op, definitely do not think twice about it. You're fine.
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