Don't want to go back to work after baby-chizuk please

amother

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 4:52 pm

hi,
so im a therapist in a yeshiva and work from 9-5. im home by 6:30.

bh I just had my first baby less than a month ago! Smile

I took off from work and plan to go back after 6 weeks. I dont qualify for paid family leave so I havent gotten paid.

I really really dont want to go back to work. im going to miss being with my baby and I dont like working with my afternoon cases. they're chutzpadik, never show up to OT, and I dont get paid when they dont come. Why should I be with kids I dont feel anything towards when my own baby wont see his mommy till 6:30 pm? (I dont mean that in a mean way, it seems more harsh typed out).

Can someone help me come to terms with going back to work and leaving my baby at home?

I get jealous of my SIL's who get 3 months paid leave in diff. countries. Why is NY so backwards thinking?

To top it off, my boss texted me 3 weeks after I had my baby when I plan on coming back.... I feel bad taking 6 weeks to begin with...

amother

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 4:57 pm

amother [ Orange ] wrote:

Is there a way for you to afford cutting back on your hours? Either shorter days, or fewer days a week?

I dont think its ethical to leave my clients in middle of year. I would love to end an hour early and drop 2 kids off my caseload but then they wont have a replacement OT and I feel bad if they dont get therapy...

amother

Aqua

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 5:00 pm

How are your finances? Can your husband cover necessities?

I recently had another baby and decided to not work. My husband doesn’t earn a lot but can cover our basic needs (we live simply). I struggled with guilt at times. But working is only hishtadlus. I think right now my hishtadlus is being home with my baby. Hashem will compensate. The bond I have with this baby is incomparable to what I had with the others. I’m present.

amother

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 5:01 pm

amother [ Aqua ] wrote:

I would like to continue working but not till 5.
He can just cover necessities. My paycheck gets deposited straight to our savings account

amother

Pearl

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 5:16 pm

I think you should cut your hours. You say that anyways the kids are complaining about going and don't always show up. Maybe you can adjust your schedule so each child only loses one or two slots a week. You sound like you can afford it and you will never recoup your baby's first year.

amother

Lemon

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 5:44 pm

To me the part that kills me is the commute. You have a 90 minute commute each way? Commuting 3 hours a day? Why? Can you find a comparable job close to home?

(Also, why don’t you qualify for PFL? Or even 6 weeks disability?)

amother

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 5:45 pm

amother [ Lemon ] wrote:

Just in PM my commute is an hour and 20 mins. In the morning its 40 mins.

Cant find a job closer to home. No agency around where I live
I qualify for disability, its about 140$ a week

amother

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 5:46 pm

amother [ Pearl ] wrote:

But I see the same 2 boys at the end of the day. I cant cancel our lessons that often
No way to reschedule my other boys, the principals make the schedule for us. Rebbeim dont even let us take boys out alot of the time if theyre working on a project or watching videos etc.

amother

Burlywood

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 6:00 pm

You can call agency to try to find a replacement or until then do zoom. I personally felt the same way as you, went back to work until the end of that year only part time and said I would never do this again. I also kept pushing off the date I was supposed to start I just felt too bad leaving my baby. If you can swing it financially then for sure cut your hours.

amother

Orange

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 6:34 pm

You can give notice about shortening your hours, so the agency can find a replacement to cover the time slots. What are they doing now? I assume they found a sub to cover your maternity leave.

amother

Cyan

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 6:38 pm

Mazel Tov!!!
You feel guilty about taking six weeks? DONT! You did the best thing for you and your baby!
People have no idea how they will feel after having baby all the more so with their first! Very normal to not run back to work as planned if possible. Everything has changed.

amother

Aubergine

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 7:07 pm

Are you sure don’t you qualify for NY Family Leave? Most private employers in NY are required to offer this. This is different than what your yeshiva might offer on their end. You are entitled to 12 weeks at 67% of your pay.

https://paidfamilyleave.ny.gov/

amother

Blonde

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 7:10 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Let people throw tomatoes at me. Do what works for your family and don't feel bad. It's entirely ethical for life to come up and plans to change. I finally learned my lesson and quit midyear after a baby.

amother

White

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 7:55 pm

OP, it is not unethical.
You and your baby come first. Coming home at 6:30 is very late. Please cut down your caseload and spend more time with your baby.
Also do not feel guilty about 6 weeks!!! The "6 weeks" should be banned. No mother is physically and emotionally ready to go back to work after 6 weeks. No other country even allows it. I dont care how many mothers do it, its just not healthy. Please take all the time you need.

Signed,
A mother who made all those mistakes and had to take off of work for the rest of the year to recover from post partum depression

amother

Blush

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 8:51 pm

It seems like most women are telling you to cut back so I will be the voice on the other side. What they said is all true - you can't get the first year back, till 6pm is very long hours, you need to take care of yourself etc. On the other hand from what I've seen (not the same field) cutting hours definitely affects career growth down the line. Maybe an hour or so a day won't make a big difference in the long run but if continuing really could work well for you it may be worth it to try it. You can always cut your hours later if you want to. Also, money saved now is a big deal later. Many people won't agree with me but there are some of us that like being out long hours. In another year or so when your baby is bigger it can be easier to be away at work than dealing with a cranky toddler in the afternoon hours. It's not necessarily easier being home earlier and toddlers can do so well and learn so much in daycare. You also will have weekends with your baby and that is a big part of the week assuming you end earlier on Fridays. Bottom line is - you need to do what will work for you.

amother

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 9:07 pm

amother [ Orange ] wrote:

You can give notice about shortening your hours, so the agency can find a replacement to cover the time slots. What are they doing now? I assume they found a sub to cover your maternity leave.

hey, nope they didnt find a sub. my kids havent had therapy since I had my baby.
my agency is all talk they always say theyll find a sub but they never do

amother

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 9:07 pm

amother [ Aubergine ] wrote:

I dont qualify. ive only been working at my agency for about 12 weeks and you need to have worked somewhere a minimum amount of time. I can take off paid family leave once I have a few more weeks under my belt and before my baby turns 1. I spoke to my agency about this :/

amother

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 9:08 pm

amother [ White ] wrote:

I have no idea how im supposed to go back so soon! im leaking breastmilk all over the place how am I going to manage at work lol.
my friends went back to grad school after 2 weeks. its ridiculous