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Dear guest: It’s time to leave
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Feb 21 2021, 12:38 pm
We have a guest suite in our basement where we host people for shabbos who have simchas in our neighborhood. In short- hachnusos orchim suite. Most of the time I don’t even know the people who come stay there. They arrive Friday 1-2 hour before shabbos and leave 1-2 hours after motzei shabbos.
Well, this weeks guest is still sitting around downstairs. What does she think? This is hotel service? She rang my bell early this morning. I chose to ignore because I was still wearing pjs. She knocked at my door several times throughout shabbos for stupid things. She’s with a toddler who doesn’t stop screaming and it’s annoying.
I’m just seriously annoyed because I am doing this for a mitzvah and she’s just taking advantage. At what point may I go down to ask her when she’s planning to leave? I don’t want to sound rude.
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ra_mom




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Feb 21 2021, 12:42 pm
Send her a message that you need to come down to change the linen for the next guest so she should let you know what time she's leaving today.
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mizle10




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Feb 21 2021, 12:43 pm
I also have a guest suite in the basement, I find shabbos guests usually leave Sunday. But could be different because I live out of town and people are not usually travelling back home on motzei shabbos.
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amother




Pewter
 

Post Sun, Feb 21 2021, 12:47 pm
My in laws had a guy staying in the basement and didnt leave for a whole week! Until someone smelled drugs going on down there. They told him they need the room for someone else
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amother




Cerise
 

Post Sun, Feb 21 2021, 12:48 pm
I think it's normal for guests to stay till Sunday. If you don't specifically say that guest have to leave motzei, they're not doing anything wrong or being rude by staying till Sunday.
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imasinger




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Feb 21 2021, 1:08 pm
These matters are best handled in advance. When someone contacts you to ask if they can use the space, ask when they plan to leave, and let them know if that poses a problem for you.

Tizku lmitzvos!
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Feb 21 2021, 1:08 pm
My guests leave motzei shabbos all the time. If they wanna stay for Sunday they ask me if it’s ok.
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amother




Turquoise
 

Post Sun, Feb 21 2021, 1:09 pm
I think if someone was planning to stay until Sunday they should ask. Unless it's very far, like over 6 hour drive, then I can hear if it's accepted practice.
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amother




Forestgreen
 

Post Sun, Feb 21 2021, 1:13 pm
Unless you live out of town, guests usually leave motzai shabbos.
I would either call the host and ask them how long their company is staying for, or knock on her door and tell her you need the apt - or when she plans on leaving.
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amother




Taupe
 

Post Sun, Feb 21 2021, 1:14 pm
did she perhaps knock to explain a problem preventing departure? (car trouble, delayed plane/train, etc)
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abound




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Feb 21 2021, 1:16 pm
amother [ Cerise ] wrote:
I think it's normal for guests to stay till Sunday. If you don't specifically say that guest have to leave motzei, they're not doing anything wrong or being rude by staying till Sunday.


not really, if you requested for shabbos that does not include motze shabbos.
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challahchallah




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Feb 21 2021, 1:19 pm
abound wrote:
not really, if you requested for shabbos that does not include motze shabbos.


As you can see by the responses here, this really varies by community. If she’s from somewhere that most people stay until Sunday morning, she wouldn’t have thought twice about it. That said, OP you can definitely ask her what her timeline is for today. In the future, definitely clarify timing before the stay begins so that everyone has the the same expectations.
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amother




Pearl
 

Post Sun, Feb 21 2021, 1:29 pm
It’s okay. After this happens once or twice you will be VERY careful to state expectations in advance. We all start out rosy about the mitzvah but then come the misunderstandings and the inconveniences and then you just be careful to set out the rules. It helps for me if I am friendly with the Baal Simcha then I am more understanding about things ( as opposed to if it’s a stranger).
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miami85




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Feb 21 2021, 1:47 pm
I would just ask "what's your plan?" I have someone coming to clean up the room (even if it's you) and I just don't want her to get in your way"
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amother




Chartreuse
 

Post Sun, Feb 21 2021, 1:50 pm
It's normal to leave on Sunday in my community, I wouldn't be bothered by this.
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Kiwi13




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Feb 21 2021, 1:57 pm
OP, you say she has a toddler. Leaving motzei Shabbos (ie. after bedtime) is a lot harder with a little kid, and unless you specified that you expected her to leave after Shabbos ended, I probably would have assumed staying until Sunday was okay. Sounds like a miscommunication/lack of communication.

Does she have your phone number? Ringing the bell and knocking makes me think she needs to ask/tell you something before she leaves.
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doodlesmom




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Feb 21 2021, 1:58 pm
Mom has 2 hachnasas Orchim apts. People usually say till when they will stay. Most stay till Motzei only if they’re from the tri state.
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s c




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Feb 21 2021, 2:30 pm
When I put guests up for neighbour's or friends simchas the simcha hosts almost always tell me in advance how long they will be staying. Sometimes a simcha drags on over like a Barmitzvah shabbos with a seudah on Sunday eve.
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naturalmom5




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Feb 21 2021, 2:34 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My guests leave motzei shabbos all the time. If they wanna stay for Sunday they ask me if it’s ok.


Did you tell this guest clearly on Friday what you wanted or do you expect her to know by Ruach Hakodesh
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Feb 21 2021, 2:43 pm
Kiwi13 wrote:
OP, you say she has a toddler. Leaving motzei Shabbos (ie. after bedtime) is a lot harder with a little kid, and unless you specified that you expected her to leave after Shabbos ended, I probably would have assumed staying until Sunday was okay. Sounds like a miscommunication/lack of communication.

Does she have your phone number? Ringing the bell and knocking makes me think she needs to ask/tell you something before she leaves.


True. But she should’ve confirmed that with me And as a side note she called me Friday morning to tell me she’s not coming because she has a lot of children and it’s harder than she thought to leave them over and come for shabbos. Then she called me back about an hour later that things fell into place and she is able to come. So what all of a sudden happened that she’s able to leave her family until late Sunday afternoon? (But that’s none of my business, just venting)

As I said earlier, in my community and in the 10 years that I’ve been doing this already, everyone leaves motzei shabbos. If they need to stay for Sunday they make sure it’s ok with me. But I guess I’m still learning and I need to add another thing to my list what to confirm with people when they call me.

And ringing my bell Sunday morning at 9 am 4-5 times??? You think she wanted to explain herself? Well, it’s 2:40 pm now.... and ??? Nothing.
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