Dear guest: It’s time to leave

amother

Sun, Feb 21 2021, 2:46 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

Did you tell this guest clearly on Friday what you wanted or do you expect her to know by Ruach Hakodesh

I don’t think this should be classified as Ruach Hakodesh. I’m doing her a favor and letting her stay here because she has a simcha. She should be clarifying with me not vice versa. It’s self understood that this is a favor and you can’t just stay for another night without saying anything.

amother

Yellow

Sun, Feb 21 2021, 2:54 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You will always come across oblivious people, or those that are clueless about social protocol.
If this is the first time in 10 years of hosting guests, not bad!
In any case, it's already later in the afternoon, so presumably she will get going soon.

amother

Honeydew

Sun, Feb 21 2021, 3:00 pm

OP, whether or not this guest is being rude or not would depend upon how she ended up in your home in the first place. Did a neighbor ask you to host her? Did she hear about you through the grapevine and contact you herself? When the arrangements were made did she ask just to stay for Shabbos? For the weekend? I just wonder when this hospitality was arranged, how it was arranged and by whom. Perhaps a neighbor asked you to host someone for Shabbos but invited her guest for the weekend? In any case if the plan was to stay all weekend, you should have been told by someone. It's rare that I would spend motzei Shabbos by someone too, and if I wanted to for any reason, I'd make sure my host was okay with it before I ever showed up. Assuming is certainly rude. I just wonder if something got lost in a chain of communication.

amother

Hotpink

Sun, Feb 21 2021, 3:00 pm

I’m guessing her ride to go home fell through and she is trying to find another. Maybe bec you didn’t answer the door she isn’t sure how to contact you.
I just made a simcha. Guest in town did what you said.
Guests who traveled 5+ hours arrived early Friday and left Sunday. (Some drove 12 hrs and really nice ppl hosted them Thursday night also)
I used to have 2 rooms for guests. I expected ppl may stay through Sunday and included that in my cheshbon
The only time I had to throw ppl out was when it was 2 men acting very inappropriately walking around house in pajamas at 2 pm and tried joining a toddler birthday party.
Otherwise I understood when ppl couldn’t leave immediately.

avrahamama

Sun, Feb 21 2021, 3:01 pm

Maybe she needs help. Can't you just knock and see if you can help her get out the door. Maybe she isn't trying to be rude, she's just not ok.

amother

Saddlebrown

Sun, Feb 21 2021, 3:03 pm

Whatever you do please don't go down there bang on the door and say you're not a hotel service.

I still think about my Shabbos Sheva Brachos when we stayed in someones guest suite. We are both from oot so maybe there was a culture clash about when to leave (as it seems from this thread...). Our Sunday sheva Brachos was in another city and we had no home base.

We woke up Sunday morning to the hostess banging on the door yelling that she is not a hotel service and that she needs the room. We were mortified and ran out as quickly as we could. If you can't do a mitzva with good middos I'm not sure its worth doing. I would have rather stayed in a dump on the same floor as the family than be treated like that.

amother

Cerise

Sun, Feb 21 2021, 3:10 pm

Ringing the doorbell and knocking at 9AM is not early. Maybe she needed help. I wouldn't
automatically assume the worst. You can call the one that made the simcha or you can talk to her yourself in a nice way and ask her what her plans are. No big deal.

amother

Green

Sun, Feb 21 2021, 3:15 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

There are halachos in Rambam about what to expect when someone rents a place "for Shabbos." It can sometimes mean two nights. She may think it is unusual to leave Motzei Shabbos.

amother

Sun, Feb 21 2021, 3:26 pm

amother [ Green ] wrote:

There are halachos in Rambam about what to expect when someone rents a place "for Shabbos." It can sometimes mean two nights. She may think it is unusual to leave Motzei Shabbos.

She is not renting it.

Kiwi13

Sun, Feb 21 2021, 3:38 pm

OP, have you had any contact with her today? Sounds like she did her best to reach you. If she’s still there, there’s probably a reason. There might even be a reason she tried to tell you several times this morning.

flowerpower

Sun, Feb 21 2021, 3:49 pm

As someone that hosts a lot of random guests for shabbos, they ALWAYS leave motzei shabbos. 95% leave by the zman since they left their family at home. Staying till Sunday and bothering the host is a little odd. Hopefully she will leave soon. Would you knock on her door and ask if all is ok and when she plans on leaving?

Last edited by flowerpower on Sun, Feb 21 2021, 4:52 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Jade

Sun, Feb 21 2021, 3:52 pm

amother [ Cerise ] wrote:

Sorry but ringing a door bell at that hour on Sunday morning is not the most appropriate thing to do unless an emergency came up.
OP- I gather from your words that leaving on Motzei Shabbos is the norm where you live which is also the norm where I live and if guest stay over Motzei Shabbos she should have clarified before. Though it may be a culture difference.

amother

Cerise

Sun, Feb 21 2021, 3:56 pm

amother [ Jade ] wrote:

I don't think it's inappropriate, but perhaps she needed help. I think most people are up by then and kids are going to school.

amother

Dodgerblue

Sun, Feb 21 2021, 4:01 pm

amother [ Jade ] wrote:

But OP will never know if emergency came up since she is not even trying to give this lady the benefit of the doubt and also refuses to clarify her conditions in advance.

Really OP maybe you are not cut out for this mitzvah. Having a spare suite is not enough.

Chayalle

Sun, Feb 21 2021, 4:08 pm

I'm with OP, I've given out my guest room many times over the years, and it's understood that it's till M"SH, unless they ask about Sunday.

amother

Cerise

Sun, Feb 21 2021, 4:13 pm

Chayalle wrote:

I'm with OP, I've given out my guest room many times over the years, and it's understood that it's till M"SH, unless they ask about Sunday.

I guess there are probably different norms in different communities.
I do think OP is reacting too harshly as she said that this has never happened. She's right away upset and thinking bad on this person & ignoring her instead of being dan l'kaf zchus. It's such an easy situation to be dan l'kaf zchus. Instead of communicating like a normal person, she's right away judging the guest badly. Maybe she wanted to explain herself but she's not even being given a chance.

Miri1

Sun, Feb 21 2021, 4:29 pm

Why don't you go down and ask her genuinely if everything is ok?
If leaving Motzei Shabbos is the norm, then something unusual or worse could have come up.
Perhaps the woman lost her nerve when you didn't answer this morning.
If you have boys leaving for school on Sunday morning, I wouldn't think 9am is early.

If you don't want to get involved, at least call the baal simcha to clarify.

amother

Maroon

Sun, Feb 21 2021, 4:53 pm

Honestly, the rude one here is YOU.

She knocked on your door a few times this morning and you refuse to go and check what it is she wanted? You seem to have all the time in the world to rant and complain here, I'm not sure why you rather do that than give her a chance to clarify (which is supposedly what she wanted to already this morning) Scratching Head

Sorry, I just don't understand.