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UPDATE Telling new/prospective boss abt pregnancy
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Feb 21 2021, 11:46 pm
I’ve been looking for a job for a while already and bh recently something interesting was offered to me.
I’m in the middle of my fifth month and I know legally I don’t have to share any information with my boss but I still feel like out of mentschlichkeit not mentioning anything to a frum boss that’s offering me an opportunity is not right.
The thing is he prob won’t notice for at least another month due to the way I carry as I’m not even going to put on maternity before that even though I will be pretty far along by then.
What do you think is the right thing to do?
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imasinger




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Feb 21 2021, 11:49 pm
I would say something.

If he's interested in hiring you, you may have more room to negotiate now for time after the baby.

And it's an important part of building professional trust.

If he ends up rescinding the offer because of your pregnancy, you probably would be dodging a bullet.
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amother




Lemon
 

Post Mon, Feb 22 2021, 12:00 am
The right thing is to tell.
He will resent you hiding it and it will start off your job on the wrong foot.
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Elfrida




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Feb 22 2021, 12:37 am
I have two sisters who applied for jobs while pregnant.

One didn't mention it at the interveiw. Her new boss was rather irate when she sid mention it a few weeks into the new job. She's been there for ten years now, and it didn't make a difference in the long term, but the first few months were harder than necessary, and she had a slightly awkward reputation to overcome.

The other did mention it during the interview. On the spot during the interview they planned out a whole system for training her in and giving her basic experience before she gave birth, so that after her maternity leave she would be able to slot right into the job. They would be able to see where she would work best, and together they would be able to decide on her exact responsibilities. She has also been there long term, but had a much happier initial experience than my other sister, and has always felt more accepted in the company.

So my advice is yes, to say something.
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amother




Cobalt
 

Post Mon, Feb 22 2021, 12:56 am
I had this. Asked advice here too. Friends told me not to tell. I didn't. He was a bit upset when I did tell him. I ended up not returning after maternity leave due to nature of the job although I had fully intended to return.

In hindsight, I should have told. And ideally should never have taken that job but oh well.
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amother




Slateblue
 

Post Mon, Feb 22 2021, 1:16 am
As a boss, I agree to tell.
I've had prospective employees tell me and I always appreciated it so we could plan their schedule better.
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challahchallah




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Feb 22 2021, 1:19 am
You’re right you don’t legally have to tell. However, standard convention is to tell once you’ve gotten the formal offer, but before you’ve accepted. You should negotiate on details about your leave (as well as normal things like salary and other benefits) during that stage, since you probably won’t be automatically entitled to much.
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amother




Olive
 

Post Mon, Feb 22 2021, 3:58 am
5 months is pretty far along to not say anything. As an employer, I would want to know that. If you had just got that positive and had almost 9 months to go, I could hear that you would wait to say anything.
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amother




Smokey
 

Post Mon, Feb 22 2021, 8:48 am
Good candidates are hard to find. If all else would match up, I would hire you regardless of the pregnancy. However, I would be very upset if you wouldn't disclose at this stage of the game.
In other words, you'd gain more from disclosing than not.
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amother




Vermilion
 

Post Mon, Feb 22 2021, 8:50 am
challahchallah wrote:
You’re right you don’t legally have to tell. However, standard convention is to tell once you’ve gotten the formal offer, but before you’ve accepted. You should negotiate on details about your leave (as well as normal things like salary and other benefits) during that stage, since you probably won’t be automatically entitled to much.

I agree. This is also the time at which I discuss Shabbos and yom tov, although it doesn't sound like those will be an issue for OP here.
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amother




Wine
 

Post Mon, Feb 22 2021, 8:53 am
You do run the risk of him not hiring you because of it though. I know someone who had a phone interview while pregnant and they basically said they were hiring her until she disclosed she was pregnant and then suddenly they weren’t interested....
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Feb 22 2021, 9:15 am
Thanks all for your responses, I was so unsure abt what to do but it looks like the general consensus and what’s appreciated is the heads up before. I think I will mention something and I’ll update you all as to the result...
I guess if he ends up refusing than maybe it’ll be Hashem’s sign that it’s not the right place for me...
Any good tips of how to say? Just hint it out or say it as I as? I find it so awkward telling a guy abt my personal life but he does have a wife and kids so hopefully will be understanding
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amother




Lemon
 

Post Mon, Feb 22 2021, 10:13 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thanks all for your responses, I was so unsure abt what to do but it looks like the general consensus and what’s appreciated is the heads up before. I think I will mention something and I’ll update you all as to the result...
I guess if he ends up refusing than maybe it’ll be Hashem’s sign that it’s not the right place for me...
Any good tips of how to say? Just hint it out or say it as I as? I find it so awkward telling a guy abt my personal life but he does have a wife and kids so hopefully will be understanding


Matter of fact.
"I am having a baby in July Iy"h."
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singleagain




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Feb 22 2021, 10:18 am
amother [ Lemon ] wrote:
Matter of fact.
"I am having a baby in July Iy"h."


I would add the fact though that you are intending to come back after 6 to 8 weeks or whatever No boss is going to want to train you for 4 months and then have you decide not to come back
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amother




Babyblue
 

Post Mon, Feb 22 2021, 10:34 am
I was offered a job during 2 different pregnancies. The first I was very early and not showing. My dh discussed it with his rav and was told it's the right thing to tell. I called the boss and said I'm interested in the job offer but I want to tell you I am expecting and due.... he replied well that changes things. Let me think about it and get back to you. Needless to say, I never heard from him again.
The second time I was further along and showing but just because it's obvious to some doesn't mean it's obvious to all, especially to men. So on the interview I said I want to be upfront I am expecting and due... he said ok so you'll take your six weeks leave and come back right? I said right and all was good.
Because of the way he treated me, when he needed favors while I was out and even needed me to come in before my 6 weeks was up I was much happier to help him out and do what he needed.
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amother




Oak
 

Post Mon, Feb 22 2021, 10:36 am
Does it make a difference if you're really really early? Like I'm starting a job iyH, but I'm like 6 weeks along ... that doesn't count right? Sorry if it's a stupid question
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amother




Seagreen
 

Post Mon, Feb 22 2021, 10:41 am
amother [ Oak ] wrote:
Does it make a difference if you're really really early? Like I'm starting a job iyH, but I'm like 6 weeks along ... that doesn't count right? Sorry if it's a stupid question


You don't have to share at this point yet.
I would share past the 4th/5th month.
Good luck OP. May all go well.
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singleagain




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Feb 22 2021, 10:42 am
amother [ Oak ] wrote:
Does it make a difference if you're really really early? Like I'm starting a job iyH, but I'm like 6 weeks along ... that doesn't count right? Sorry if it's a stupid question


Yes it does count.

Again disclaimer voice to text

My mom has a story that she was one time interviewing people and she needed a certain time commitment so she asked I need an 18 to 24 month commitment because of the nature of the job

there were two people one who my mom said was visibly pregnant was like yeah no problem not of them all and didn't say anything

The second person was not showing my mom did not figure out the truth pregnant until she said I want you to know that I just found out I'm expecting but I plan to come out back after my 6 weeks

The second person got the job because she was open and honest with my mom
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amother




Vermilion
 

Post Mon, Feb 22 2021, 10:58 am
amother [ Oak ] wrote:
Does it make a difference if you're really really early? Like I'm starting a job iyH, but I'm like 6 weeks along ... that doesn't count right? Sorry if it's a stupid question

I would not share a 6 week pregnancy proactively. If I was specifically asked about availability 12 months out, then I would disclose it. For me, based on my history, a 6 week pregnancy is only about a 50/50 chance of a baby, so I would not just bring it up out of the blue.
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amother




Olive
 

Post Mon, Feb 22 2021, 11:07 am
Someone who is right at at the beginning of pregnancy, in theory would be working for 8 months, which is plenty of time to be fully trained and invested in the job.
I wouldn't think you need to say anything at this point.
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