My DD5 costume. Wear to school if not tznius? | Imamother

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My DD5 costume. Wear to school if not tznius?

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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amother

OP

Mon, Feb 22 2021, 9:16 am

She is in primary in Lkwd. She’s wearing a tutu that’s pretty mini. The school uniform is under her knee like school policy. I’m very much a rule follower. Neither of her teachers are especially yeshivish and I didn’t mind going to them on Purim in this short skirt but the school in having In school MM trade on thurs and I don’t feel comfortable sending her in that. I can put a skirt under it but I feel like it’s sending DD a weird message... WWYD?

amother

Tan

Mon, Feb 22 2021, 9:19 am

Put a skirt under it and no weird message is being sent.

Kavod hamakom and we follow rules. Neither is a weird message.

26

Notsobusy

Mon, Feb 22 2021, 9:24 am

I agree, put a skirt under it. Just tell her very matter of factly that the school rules are that knees have to be covered in school and I doubt she'll think much about it.

If she was 10 it would be mixed messages that you're letting her wear this at all while she goes to a Lakewood school. But at 5 or 6, it's fine.

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amother

Green

Mon, Feb 22 2021, 9:32 am

I don’t see any issue with wearing a skirt underneath. Socks have to be longer for school as well. It’s a school rule.
I wish they’d let first grade wear their costumes as well.

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bsy

Mon, Feb 22 2021, 9:33 am

My daughter wore a skirt under her short costume last week. No big deal

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watergirl

Mon, Feb 22 2021, 9:35 am

Echoing those who say to put a skirt under it. Why not? The weird message you would be sending is if you DON'T put a skirt under it. That it's ok to be un-tznius on Purim. A 5 year old is old enough to understand we do not wear a tutu without a skirt under in public (as opposed to a private women only event).

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amother

Dodgerblue

Mon, Feb 22 2021, 9:42 am

watergirl wrote:

Echoing those who say to put a skirt under it. Why not? The weird message you would be sending is if you DON'T put a skirt under it. That it's ok to be un-tznius on Purim. A 5 year old is old enough to understand we do not wear a tutu without a skirt under in public (as opposed to a private women only event).

It seems like she will be wearing it without a skirt on Purim and OP wants to know what to do about school. I see girls, little & not so little, and women as well that are not tzenuis on Purim because it's part of the costume.

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amother

OP

Mon, Feb 22 2021, 9:46 am

amother [ Dodgerblue ] wrote:

It seems like she will be wearing it without a skirt on Purim and OP wants to know what to do about school. I see girls, little & not so little, and women as well that are not tzenuis on Purim because it's part of the costume.

K I really don’t want to argue about that here. I’m not makpid about her covering knees outside of school. She will be wearing just the tutu on Purim.

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watergirl

Mon, Feb 22 2021, 9:49 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

K I really don’t want to argue about that here. I’m not makpid about her covering knees outside of school. She will be wearing just the tutu on Purim.

So what is the weird message you said you do not want to send her? I’m confused about that part of your OP.

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Iymnok

Mon, Feb 22 2021, 9:50 am

Put her in a matching skirt. A pink skirt under a pink tutu, for example. It may look a little sillier, but school rules still apply.

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amother

OP

Mon, Feb 22 2021, 9:51 am

watergirl wrote:

So what is the message you said you do not want to send her? I’m confused about that part of your OP.

Telling her to wear a skirt under the costume to school but that it’s not necessary on Purim. I feel like it’s sending DD mixed messages to which most people are responding that it’s not. So that’s what I will do. Ty everyone

amother

Copper

Mon, Feb 22 2021, 9:53 am

the only reason it might be a mixed message is because you and the school are not on the same page

school rules have to be followed

if you choose not to do so at home then that is your choice

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amother

Pearl

Mon, Feb 22 2021, 9:55 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

K I really don’t want to argue about that here. I’m not makpid about her covering knees outside of school. She will be wearing just the tutu on Purim.

There's not being makpid about covering the knees and then there's wearing a mini skirt. I think that is the real mixed message being sent here. Sorry

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amother

OP

Mon, Feb 22 2021, 9:55 am

amother [ Copper ] wrote:

the only reason it might be a mixed message is because you and the school are not on the same page

school rules have to be followed

if you choose not to do so at home then that is your choice

The school doesn’t have a rule to cover the knees at home. Let’s not jump to conclusions. Bh we are very much on the same page.

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amother

Dodgerblue

Mon, Feb 22 2021, 9:56 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Telling her to wear a skirt under the costume to school but that it’s not necessary on Purim. I feel like it’s sending DD mixed messages to which most people are responding that it’s not. So that’s what I will do. Ty everyone

Don't tell her that the skirt isn't necessary on purim. Just put it on for school without making a big deal about it.

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amother

OP

Mon, Feb 22 2021, 9:57 am

The trend lately on imamother. 1st few posts start out nice and useful and then the attacking and bashing begin. I will not be responding to any more messages. Ty who posted helpful replies

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Elfrida

Mon, Feb 22 2021, 9:59 am

Children get a pretty good idea of what is acceptable in different circumstances. I remember once objecting to wearing a certain Purim costume for shul. I don't remember what the costume was, but it must have been somewhat below the standards that I normally wore for shul. My mother was trying to persuade me that on Purim it didn't matter, and you you could wear whatever costume you liked. I didn't follow her, and felt that the given standard should be maintained. As an example I threw at her other situations where she had said it would be ok to wear something that I wouldn't normally have worn, and I was the only one dressed like that that. She couldn't produce a word in argument.

I could accept that different standards applied in different situations, but not relaxing the given standards in any given situation. And from that point on I decided for myself rather than consulting her opnions. (And that was well before I was a teenager!)

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amother

Aquamarine

Mon, Feb 22 2021, 10:02 am

We don't live in Lakewood, so I'm sure it's very different, but at age 5, my daughters don't think about school dress code rules as being automatically about tznius. I don't even think my 7 year old thinks of it like that. And many of the rules are not about tznius, but rather about achieving a presentable look conducive to learning that is more formal than playtime, but less formal than Shabbos.

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amother

Copper

Mon, Feb 22 2021, 10:05 am

no bashing here
just meant you and the school have different rules
rules for school
and rules for home
you can handle that matter of factly
does not have to be hugely emotionally charged subject
you asked the question about mixed message I did not say you were sending one which does seem to be your concern
enjoy Purim

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amother

Dodgerblue

Mon, Feb 22 2021, 10:09 am

It will only send mixed messages if OP makes a big deal about it. If she usually wears mini skirts when not in school, DD wouldn't think anything about wearing a skirt to school. But if she never wears a mini skirt and she'll will only wear it on purim, then maybe it will send mixed messages and maybe not. Not all 5 year olds think into these things.

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