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Giving m”m to someone who is in the year

 
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Feb 22 2021, 9:37 pm
She works with my child and I would really like to give her mm too.
Is it ok to give and say it’s for your mom? Or any other way to do this halachikly?
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Feb 22 2021, 9:48 pm
Give to the family
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Feb 22 2021, 9:58 pm
Zehava wrote:
Give to the family

The family lives in a different city so not exactly shayich...
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amother




Blonde
 

Post Mon, Feb 22 2021, 10:35 pm
Give money
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yksraya




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Feb 22 2021, 11:41 pm
Just give a tip. She can't get MM and might feel awkward saying she can't take it.
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amother




Ginger
 

Post Mon, Feb 22 2021, 11:49 pm
yksraya wrote:
Just give a tip. She can't get MM and might feel awkward saying she can't take it.


This. I’m in the same situation and dreading handling this. I really don’t want to remind people that I’m still in a year. It hurts me and makes other people feel guilty for not remembering.
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yksraya




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Feb 23 2021, 12:01 am
amother [ Ginger ] wrote:
This. I’m in the same situation and dreading handling this. I really don’t want to remind people that I’m still in a year. It hurts me and makes other people feel guilty for not remembering.
If someone will give me, I'll tell them to give it to my kid or dh. But yeah, it might get awkward.

On Chanukah, my Mil gave me a gift, I assume she forgot I'm not supposed to get gifts. But I took it as not accepting it would've made her feel horrible. I guess if you sense that you can't tell someone as it will make them feel bad, you just have no choice.
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Simple1




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Feb 23 2021, 12:12 am
I thought I read that you don't have to turn it down if someone gives you. Also giving a teacher may be in a different category if it's like part of their salary. Ask your Rav to be sure.
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Elfrida




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Feb 23 2021, 2:52 am
Simple1 wrote:
I thought I read that you don't have to turn it down if someone gives you. Also giving a teacher may be in a different category if it's like part of their salary. Ask your Rav to be sure.


If someone gives you, you don't reject it so as not to embarrass the giver. But if you someone is in aveilut and not meant to receive gift, why would put her in that position? A genuine mistake is one thing, but not trying to pretend.

If you really want to do something, buy some of the tzedakah cards that seem to be available in most communities and give her that. You can write a note thanking her, and add that as mishloach manot were inappropriate this year, you made this tzedakah donation in memory of her relative. She would probably appreciate that much more.
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salt




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Feb 23 2021, 3:22 am
We had a ganenet a few years ago who was in aveilut, and we asked her if there is anything we can buy for her son as a token of appreciation on Purim, since we cannot give her, and she was very thankful and asked for some books for him.
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Simple1




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Feb 23 2021, 6:35 am
Elfrida wrote:
If someone gives you, you don't reject it so as not to embarrass the giver. But if you someone is in aveilut and not meant to receive gift, why would put her in that position? A genuine mistake is one thing, but not trying to pretend.

.


You're right. What I wrote was in the case of a mistake - the giver doesn't know she's an avel or forgot the halacha. I was responding to those who were worried about being put in awkward situations. You may still be allowed to give a teacher if that is the standard. I'm not sure about it, but she can ask her LOR.
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amother




Ivory
 

Post Tue, Feb 23 2021, 7:13 am
If he’s married it’s considered her husbands so she can take it it’s more an issue when. The husband is the avil.
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