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amother


Forestgreen
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Tue, Feb 23 2021, 11:17 am
I chose to name one child with the same name as a friend of DH who had passed away young, and another child after DH's great-grandmother. This was MY choice, not DH's. I felt a certain closeness to these people because they were special to my husband.
I imagine that the DIL in your case heard a lot about the person that passed away through her husband, and she may have felt that this would be healing for him and bring a closeness for herself.
It is very unfortunate that this is bringing pain. People handle loss so differently, some find the memory of the person who passed on to be a comfort, others find it easier to put away the memories and take them out only in private.
In your case you are not given a choice, as the name is a constant reminder of pain you don't always want to think about.
If it is appropriate, can you speak to the parents of the baby sensitively, and ask them to consider using a different nickname? For my children, I find that nicknames sometimes change over time anyhow.
May Hashem bring you true comfort for your loss.
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tichellady


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Tue, Feb 23 2021, 11:22 am
It seems like you are assuming the worst of these parents
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amother


OP
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Tue, Feb 23 2021, 12:00 pm
amother [ Forestgreen ] wrote: | I chose to name one child with the same name as a friend of DH who had passed away young, and another child after DH's great-grandmother. This was MY choice, not DH's. I felt a certain closeness to these people because they were special to my husband.
I imagine that the DIL in your case heard a lot about the person that passed away through her husband, and she may have felt that this would be healing for him and bring a closeness for herself.
It is very unfortunate that this is bringing pain. People handle loss so differently, some find the memory of the person who passed on to be a comfort, others find it easier to put away the memories and take them out only in private.
In your case you are not given a choice, as the name is a constant reminder of pain you don't always want to think about.
If it is appropriate, can you speak to the parents of the baby sensitively, and ask them to consider using a different nickname? For my children, I find that nicknames sometimes change over time anyhow.
May Hashem bring you true comfort for your loss. |
Thank you for this post. I would like to talk to them but I’m not sure how to go about it.
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agreer


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Tue, Feb 23 2021, 1:59 pm
I once heard a story about a rav in Yerushalayim...I don't remember which one. Someone in his neighborhood wanted to give her child a name, which happened to be the name of her neighbor's child who had passed away. The Rav advised her not to give the name, because every time the mother would hear her neighbor calling her child to come inside, she would be saddened that her child with the same name died. He showed sensitivity towards the grieving mother.
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