Is this mean or good parenting?

amother

Mint

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 10:29 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Most of your responses were very validating. Thank you. It’s nice to hear that it’s normal 5 year old behavior. I find myself getting frustrated with his behavior, but knowing that it’s normal, can help me stay more calm in the future. My tone was not as sympathetic as it could have been when I told him he could wash it himself (he’s washed it previously himself), but I tried to say it calmly. (In the end, he did wash it.)
For those of you who are good at responding to your children calmly and sympathetically when they are being difficult- how do you do it? Is there something you tell yourself in order not to get worked up yourself?

By now it's ingrained in my head that a child is a child and it's not their fault that I'm getting annoyed by their age appropriate behavior. You need to tell this to yourself again and again.

amother

cornflower

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 10:32 am

amother [ Mint ] wrote:

Yeah, a 5 year old rinsing a plate is equivalent to them flying a plane........

My point was that if a child does not know how to do something then yes it can be equivalent to flying a plane.... I have a 3 year old... If I asked her to tie shoes she would probably feel like I do if I was told to fly a plane... I don't have a 5 year old so perhaps your comment is implying that most 5 year olds are capable of doing this

amother

Indigo

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 10:32 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I would turn that around and say why were you worked up at a pretty normal childish response?

amother

Mint

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 10:33 am

amother [ cornflower ] wrote:

A 5 year old should be able to rinse and wipe a bowl. It doesn't have to be perfect.

amother

Mint

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 10:34 am

amother [ Aquamarine ] wrote:

Then when is it appropriate to use the word brat?

I don't think I have ever used the word brat on a child.

amother

Seagreen

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 10:35 am

I didn’t read through the whole thing but I did something similar.
DD 7 wipes her face on her sleeve ALL.THE.TIME. To teach her not to, I once told her that she’ll have to prep her own laundry to get out the stains. Right or wrong on my part, she ended up loving the task and now begs me to do laundry.

amother

Blonde

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 10:47 am

I wouldn't tell a child that age to wash dishes. I'd try to get them to use what's available. My husband would probably tell her use whats available or don't eat, I think I'd end up washing the bowl she wants or use plastic if that was available.

Chayalle

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 10:53 am

amother [ Aquamarine ] wrote:

Then when is it appropriate to use the word brat?

In a case where adults messed up big time.

amother

Maroon

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 10:53 am

My 6 yr old can't yet reach the sink so no I wouldn't ask a young child to wash a dish. I don't feel that's age appropriate.

It's not mean if you didn't say it in a mean way or have mean intentions. But I wouldn't say it's good either.

amother

Mint

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 10:55 am

amother [ Maroon ] wrote:

They can use a chair or stool. I wouldn't ask a 5 year old to wash a dish, but if they insist on a certain bowl that's dirty and I can't wash it now, it's perfectly ok if they rinse and wipe it by themselves.

Chayalle

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 10:55 am

amother [ Maroon ] wrote:

Ever heard of a stool or a stepladder?

My kids didn't either wash dishes at that age, but I actually respect self-sufficiency where it's appropriately implemented.

Twinster

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 11:04 am

Chayalle wrote:

In a case where adults messed up big time.

I’m not sure you’re being clear. I don’t think you’re condoning calling a child a brat if their parents were terrible parents, do you?

amother

Emerald

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 11:22 am

imasinger wrote:

Slightly off topic -- can one accurately determine someone's love language so early in life? As a parent, I try my best to do all 5 (loving words, acts of service, small gifts or notes, touch/hugs, quality time) when feasible. I haven't noticed strong preferences emerging until closer to adulthood.

Going off on tangent here, OP, hope it's ok-
Do I need to read the book "the 5 love languages" or is just knowing them enough?

amother

Maroon

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 11:32 am

Chayalle wrote:

Ever heard of a stool or a stepladder?

My kids didn't either wash dishes at that age, but I actually respect self-sufficiency where it's appropriately implemented.

Of course we have one. Still. She can do many other things. Imo at least until she's able to reach the sink unassisted I wouldn't ask her to wash a dish.

OP perhaps you can use disposables while your baby is still so little to give yourself a break from washing dishes.

nchr

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 11:58 am

This is a perfect example of why I never start with offering options to children. Once you start asking them which of the two they want, it opens up the floor for them to ask for a dirty one. I know there is validity to teaching children to make decisions or giving them choices, but I am not on that level yet and for my sanity and the sanity of my household I can't go there. I won't power struggle either it's just more like ok, here is your bowl, next. Maybe while this woman has a newborn she shouldn't worry about stepping on her 5 year old's toes and catering to his whims and can try to be a perfect mother in one or two months from now.

Chayalle

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 12:02 pm

Twinster wrote:

I’m not sure you’re being clear. I don’t think you’re condoning calling a child a brat if their parents were terrible parents, do you?

nope. I meant something else entirely. Brat originally implied mamzerus. Which is why I think it's so horrible to randomly call children by that name.

But truth is, it wouldn't be nice to be so derogatory to the child even in that case.