How do you prefer to be served as a guest?

amother

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 9:17 am

How do you prefer to be served when you are a guest at someone's home for a shabbos or yomtov meal? Yes, of course I am always thrilled to be invited and of course it is the hostess choice how to serve the meal. I am more asking so I know what people like because I host frequently. This poll is NOT referring to soup, which obviously is usually portioned out. This poll is also not referring to a simcha. Just a regular shabbos or YT meal as a guest at someone's home.

So, what do the amothers here like?

amother

Oak

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 9:19 am

I think virtually everyone that’s a guest would prefer family style but in many homes that’s not how they do it. As a picky eater it’s always awkward for me

amother

Gold

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 9:19 am

Neither of those options. I like everything plated. I'm disgusted by the idea that a platter is being passed around and everyone breathes on the food when taking. By the time it reaches the 3rd or 4th person, the food is all mushy.

amother

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 9:20 am

amother [ Gold ] wrote:

Neither of those options. I like everything plated. I'm disgusted by the idea that a platter is being passed around and everyone breathes on when taking.

I fixed it to include this option.

amother

Gold

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 9:21 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I fixed it to include this option.

Oh I see, thanx. It doesn't need to be beautifully plated, just appetizing.

amother

Crimson

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 9:26 am

I find there is much more waste with platters of food. 1)It usually can’t be reheated properly when put back in pan from platter.
2) certain foods such as cholent, looks appetizing for the first two people who take. After they dig around for what they want, the rest get an unappetizing mush.
3) one person sticking their fork in, ruins it for the rest of us.
4)much more dishes to clean.
5) it looks so much more appetizing when played properly.

I usually ask guests what they would like and serve generous potions.

amother

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 9:33 am

I'll comment with my preference as a guest and host. I prefer family style always. I am a picky eater and hate feeling put on the spot when a host asks me what I would like. I hate leaving a plate of uneaten food. As a host, I have no issue eating the leftovers from a shabbos meal. Whatever kugel is left is served as leftovers the rest of the week, etc. I am not concerned with people passing the plate and "breathing on it", I am not a germy that way. Hosts, please, let me decide what of the options you have made I would like to eat.

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 9:34 am

I appreciate people having me and all the hard work and expenses which goes into having company.
I feel bad wasting food which is not to my liking when things are pre-plated. Other than that, I have no preference.

amother

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 9:48 am

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

I guess I'm just confused about some of these points.

1) why cant it be reheated properly?
2) cholent always looks like an unappetizing mush.
3) Put a serving piece in the dish and people should not stick in their forks. I've never seen anyone do that before.
5) Even if it looks more appetizing, if it makes your guest uncomfortable, why do it?

flowerpower

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 10:00 am

I never serve family style. I like to send it pre plated food for all my guest. Some people are embarrassed to take by themselves and others have to wait until a few others take and by that time there is almost nothing left. If you’re picky don’t eat it all. It’s fine

Elfrida

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 10:03 am

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

I usually ask guests what they would like and serve generous potions.

How do you know they want a generous portion?

Quote:

It might be fine with you, but many people feel embarrassed about leaving food that was served to them.

flowerpower

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 10:05 am

Elfrida wrote:

It might be fine with you, but many people feel embarrassed about leaving food that was served to them.

I have a lot of guest and this never happened. I was never taught that I must polish off a plate when being a guest. Some eat a full plate and some leave over at least half of the food because they are full from the first two courses.

amother

Olive

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 10:06 am

As a picky eater with random allergies, I’d far prefer serving myself so I don’t end up with vegetables I’m allergic to contaminating all my food.

That’s not to include when I’m in early pregnancy and putting chicken or chulent in my face will send me running for a toilet.

amother

Gold

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 10:08 am

Elfrida wrote:

It might be fine with you, but many people feel embarrassed about leaving food that was served to them.

People might be embarrassed by everything and anything. A host should serve the way she chooses to because there's no 1 way that everyone likes. And when we're a guest at someone's meal, we know to expect that they might do things differently than we do.

amother

Gold

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 10:09 am

amother [ Olive ] wrote:

If you have allergies you should definitely let the host know. Most people have no problem accommodating allergies.

amother

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 10:09 am

flowerpower wrote:

Even more of a reason to not plate for the guests. If they are full, let them decide how much to put on their plate. Are you so sure it never happened that a guest was embarrassed or felt uncomfortable by being handed a plate of food they don't want? If you find that a family style platter is leaving very little food on the plate, you need to refill the plate and bring it back out. You presumably made enough of the item. Have you had a guest take way too much of a serving for him/herself? I've had to refill the platter before but I do this intentionally and make it known there is plenty in the kitchen. I jump up to refill the platter as soon as I see it is running low.

amother

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 10:15 am

amother [ Gold ] wrote:

This is the reason for this poll. I thought a host is supposed to make their guests feel comfortable. I thought that was the point. It looks like from this poll so far, people prefer and feel the most comfortable NOT being plated.

ETA - of course, host as you wish! Thank you for hosting! I just wanted to know what people like so I can do the right thing.

OOTforlife

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 10:20 am

I prefer family style. But it's not something where I feel strongly either way. I am happy with plated too. DH and I are go with the flow type people.

flowerpower

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 10:20 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Once I am done serving that course I want to sit down at the table. Not getting up to refill plates. This works for me. As a guest I was embarrassed to take from the serving tray so as a guest I prefer individual plates too.

#BestBubby

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 10:23 am

I very much prefer to serve myself.

I am sometimes invited to a friend who serves veeeeerrry generously and I cannot finish it.

I am a child of Holocaust survivors and hate Ba'al Tashchis of food.

I get up to help serve and I ask to prepare my own plate so there is no waste.