How do you prefer to be served as a guest?

Teomima

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 12:25 pm

I much prefer family style. Like op said, I feel awkward and put on the spot when someone wants to serve me because of my specific dietary preferences.

That said, the way I often present food at home is to put everything on the table and dh and I offer to put servings on plates for people, rather than everyone reaching over or passing around hot dishes. That way it's easy for everyone to get exactly what they want but still get "served", but anyone who wants can still just help themselves.

Iymnok

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 1:19 pm

Plated food makes me feel like a small child who can’t feed herself. I understand that some people like it.
I serve with platters and serving bowls. My salad is about five bowls, lettuce, cucumbers, tomatoes, peppers, etc. all pre-dressed. Even with the salad everyone could choose their preferred veggies.

chanchy123

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 1:36 pm

amother [ Gold ] wrote:

You can't put away food from a serving platter either. It becomes mushy and yucky from everyone taking. Throwing away food leftover on a plate is not baal tashchis. If the food was touched, it's not baal tashchis to throw away what's left on the plate.

What?!
What’s wrong with taking the food from the platter and putting it a way in containers? I don’t think I know one person that doesn’t do that. I have no idea what you mean about food on a a serving platter being mushed.
It’s bal tashchit to take perfectly good food and put it on a plate where someone will just graze it and then you have no choice but to throw it out, while the food on the platter or serving bowl that was not eaten can be put away for later.
This must be a cultural thing I just don’t get though because I don’t think I’ve ever seen a main dish served plated at someone’s house. Sounds weird to me.

silverlining3

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 1:42 pm

I like plated. But no, really does not have to be fancy, just decent looking.

I'm never really a guest at random people's houses. So I, as a guest, If I'm not in the mood or not sure I'll like, I speak up, just a small piece/a little bit from everything.

As a host, again, where I don't really have random guests, I ask them before serving.

chanchy123

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 1:44 pm

amother [ Copper ] wrote:

I’ve been shy to ask for food platters to be passed to me and I assume that some of my guests are also shy. If the table is small and everyone can reach everything then it’s fine to put in the middle but usually dining room tables are not so small.
I like to serve my guests a plate of food like it’s served at weddings. I know I’m risking throwing food out and although it does bother me a lot, I figure this way hopefully no one will leave the table hungry as I make sure to put a lot in front of each person. Sometimes I have enough left in the kitchen to put out in platters in case anyone wants more of something.
For guests who are not 100% comfortable, either option is not perfect. I guess everyone has to think which option would be better for their guests.

As a hostess I send out at least two sets of everything at either side of the table (more if it’s a big crowd) and make sure things are passed around. I also actively ask my guests if they want to be served something, e.g. would you like some rice?
When I was younger I had been to several homes (mostly Israeli sefardi but not exclusively) where the mom would serve you at the table and then reprimand you if you didn’t finish what she gave you (that you never asked for) so embarrassing.

SixOfWands

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 1:45 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Of course you can. You chose not to. I can do it and I DO do it. Nothing is a mushy mess other than the cholent. But you do you.

I'm sitting here trying to figure out how my chicken breasts or corned beef or brisket slices would become "mushy" from being on a platter.

It takes me long enough to place things semi-attractively on platters and in serving bowls and bring them to the table. If I had to plate them, there would be 45 minutes between courses. Maybe more while I remember that Moishe is gluten free, Yehudis hates peppers, and Avigayil is a vegetarian.

SixOfWands

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 1:50 pm

chanchy123 wrote:

When I have a big crowd (which would be unusual, as I live in a relatively small apartment), I often serve buffet style, setting up a spare table and putting all the platters and bowls there.

Otherwise, make sure the platters are passed at the beginning of the meal, then try to rotate them at some point, so that everyone can access them.

amother

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 1:51 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

Are the people who plate in their kitchen taking orders and making special plates for everyone? Or just putting a bit of everything on the plate and leave what you don't want? I got the impression of the latter, so Moishe will leave his lokshen kugel, Yehudis will leave her sautéed vegetables, and Avigayil will leave her chicken. Seems like a lot of waste to me.

keym

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 1:56 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

But if I'm one of those shyer types. I eat the chicken. Leave the sauteed vegetables because I hate peppers. Leave the lokshen kugel because I don't like raisins. And I'm left staring at a full plate, yet still hungry and wasteful.
Serving family style means I can take chicken. And then a second piece.

amother

Gold

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 1:59 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

When I have guest it's usually family that's not shy to help themselves to more and by now I know what everyone likes. I don't host strangers. Sometimes when I have more guests than usual, I can put extra of each food in middle of the table.
I get grossed out when I see a platter of food being passed around.

amother

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 2:03 pm

amother [ Copper ] wrote:

I like being served a plate of food in a restaurant or at a wedding. Why wouldn’t anyone like being served? Just eat what you want.

Did you read the thread? Plenty of people replied with why they dont like being served. And as I said in my OP, this is not about a wedding or restaurant.

amother

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 2:04 pm

keym wrote:

Any by the time this guest leaves her chicken, this one leaves his vegetables, and that one leaves his kugel, you have a plate for a whole other person. And it is going right in the trash.

amother

Gold

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 2:09 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Did you read the thread? Plenty of people replied with why they dont like being served. And as I said in my OP, this is not about a wedding or restaurant.

This is really a matter of opinion and not a reason to start getting rude over.

amother

Scarlet

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 3:25 pm

I put everything out on a buffet for people to help themselves.

Plated food is beautiful but too often wasteful. Too many picky kids and dieting women.

Family style means everyone gets how ever much they want of the foods they enjoy.

By having the food on a counter height buffet in the dinning room, rather than sitting on the table, I avoid some gross-out situations that I see go on often at other homes: Kids sticking their hands into platters, adults sticking the fork that's been in their mouth already into platters (even though a serving piece has been provided), or general coughing, sneezing, breathing on the food.

The one situation I am still trying to overcome with my set-up is that there are a couple of kids that we have over rather often who take a lot of food and never eat it. Doesn't matter what I serve. I know they will take a double or triple portion and take two bites and run from the table never to return. I have tried helping to serve them; they want to serve themselves. I have made comments when clearing the table meant for the parents to hear... "I feel so bad throwing away all this chicken," or "I guess he didn't like my potatoes very much." Hasn't helped. Wouldn't want to come right out and say, "Hey, Chana, can you do something about little Moishy taking 3 schnitzels and a pound of potatoes that we both know he's never going to eat every time you guys are here?"

amother

Coffee

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 4:13 pm

amother [ Coffee ] wrote:

I also think that many people serve the way they saw at home.
When you get married and go to your inlaws, you sometimes see another way and then you can decide which way you like better.

For example, my mother serves on platters. She makes a ton of food, with different choices. When we were kids, one of us, either me or one of my siblings would usually walk around from person to person and serve them a piece of salmon and or gefilte, like at a simcha. Then the platter gets put on the table. .Today she doesnt do that anymore, but it was nice because it does happen sometimes that the plate gets stuck by one person who is too distracted and the people on the other end of the table dont get it passed to them. As a hostess, I always keep my eye on the platters and sje sure it makes it's way around. I sometimes have to remind my husband to take and pass the plate down. Or I serve my husband at the table and pass it on.

My mother in law serves much less variety, usually one main and one starch and one vegetable. And you know what....people eat much less. At my mothers house, we sit and eat so much more than necessary because there is so much variety and so much of each food. And we are all overweight....
I know this isn't OPs question, but I wanted to add that tangentially.