How do you prefer to be served as a guest?

mizle10

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 6:53 pm

amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote:

See that would make me feel very uncomfortable because I’m so picky and there’s a good chance I may not want many or any of what you’re offering. How would I say no thank you to everything? I’d have to pretend to like stuff and then try to force myself to eat it? I hate being put in a situation where I feel forced to eat something.

This.

Also if I’m in early pregnancy I would feel so awkward asking for 3 servings of starch and nothing else. I can’t either imagine being pregnant and having a plate full of foods that nauseate me out right in front of me.

mizle10

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 7:04 pm

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

Not sure if this has already been said but I prefer family style that is not set at the table but on a buffet table or island instead. This way you don't have to worry about people breathing on the food like one poster said and don't have to be uncomfortable asking for a dish to be passes.

But then you need to stand up in front of everyone for doubles.

amother

Gold

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 7:07 pm

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

If the food is on a side table, everyone has to get up afew times during the meal to serve themselves. I don't think it's such a practical setup for a shabbos meal.

amother

Puce

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 7:08 pm

I’m a BT and have eaten at hundreds of people’s houses over the years (before I was married), including being bas bayis by a family that has an open home and tons of orchim. 95% of the people I ate by served family style. These were people who regularly hosted non-family members and had diverse, leibedik Shabbos tables. Including Machlis. I think it’s the way to go if you want your guests to be comfortable. I really don’t like wasting food and I have IBS, and I don’t want to discuss my dietary restrictions with random people at the Shabbos table. I also don’t like choking down foods that I don’t like just because a well-meaning hostess gave me a plate loaded with all the foods I least enjoy!

amother

Gold

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 7:10 pm

amother [ Puce ] wrote:

The way one serves probably also depends on how many people they're hosting. I don't host big meals, I don't know how I'd serve if I'd host big meals. Needs to be the most practical way of serving.

amother

Scarlet

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 7:38 pm

amother [ Gold ] wrote:

If the food is on a side table, everyone has to get up afew times during the meal to serve themselves. I don't think it's such a practical setup for a shabbos meal.

It is at my house. The buffet is right in the dining room, just a few short steps from anyone's seat, and the dining room is spacious - nobody has to scoot their chair in to let others go by. Nobody is disabled. What's the big deal?

Amelia Bedelia

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 8:52 pm

amother [ Coffee ] wrote:

I have literally never been to a meal where someone pre-plated the main course. (Actually now that I think of it, I have twice, and both times it was just two couples eating together, not large families)
In every other case, the fish course may be plated but the main course is served on platters. I live in an out of town community where it's common for people to have two or three families over at a time. Pre plating the food in the kitchen would take a lot of time.
I do this when I make a simcha, and I have waiters working in the kitchen plating and serving.
But for a regular Shabbos, I have not been a guest where the main course was pre plated. And I am married over 20 years.
When I go to my inlaws, my mil asks each person what they want (she brings the food to the table and serves from there) and I find it awkward to announce at the table what I want.
As a host, I plate the soup and desert in the kitchen . Sometimes the guest will follow me into the kitchen and tell me what she wants in her soup.
On the rare occasion when I plate the fish course, I will often have the guest tell me to please remove the gefilte or take back half the salmon, because she doesnt want to waste.

And I've barely ever been to a meal where it was not pre-plated. I guess it's cultural.

amother

Gold

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 9:04 pm

amother [ Scarlet ] wrote:

I think it's annoying for everyone to have to get up multiple times per meal.

amother

Bronze

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 9:36 pm

Amelia Bedelia wrote:

And I've barely ever been to a meal where it was not pre-plated. I guess it's cultural.

What communities do this ? (I’m one of the ones who’s never seen pre plated outside of a wedding

amother

Scarlet

Tue, Feb 23 2021, 9:55 pm

amother [ Gold ] wrote:

I think it's annoying for everyone to have to get up multiple times per meal.

Ok. To each their own I guess. Meals around here can last for hours. People are usually glad for an excuse to get up and stretch their legs.

amother

Peach

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 12:29 am

Some thoughts:

Before corona, we hosted a lot, and we have always had guests who came back over and over again. So I think it's safe to say that guests generally feel comfortable with us.

We serve family style, and during the meal, I make sure that all the platters circulate. For the main course, I always serve at least one very plain side (rice, roast potatoes) as well as a variety of vegetables, two kinds of protein, cholent during the day, and some sweet side dish (kugel, relish) to cover a range of tastes and diets. I do ask guests if they have specific foods that they can't or don't eat, but even so, I try to offer enough of a range that different kinds of eaters will find what they like.

In Israel, a lot of wedding halls will plate your choice of main course, but put side dishes in the middle of the table, family style. I don't know if it's just a way for caterers to save money, but I love it.

amother

Salmon

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 2:57 am

I've also never been to a meal that's been pre-plated. OK, maybe one meal in my 50 years, at a fancy nouveau rich type of home.

All meals I go to or host are family-style, with platters on the table. Interesting, when my ds lived in Florida for a year, he said that it was very common there for the food to be served buffet style on a separate table/island. We'd never seen that before.

I guess it's regional as well.

Elfrida

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 3:44 am

This thread has been reminding me of one family I knew where the mother always plated everything from the kitchen. Until one day her children told her they knew how to put food on a plate, and were big enough to decide for themselves what and how much they wanted. They asked her to put food on the table and let them serve themselves, and gave her a gift of a few serving bowls and platters. She never plated food again. When grandchildren started arriving, she was amazed to see how young they could serve themselves.

metacognizant

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 8:54 am

I was raised in a house where everything was plated... not just when company came, but at every single meal. The portions were enormous and it was made clear that “good children” eat everything on their plates. So I have issues with plated food. I am still learning to listen to my body with regards to food. Now I’d much prefer to put food on my own plate in a way proportional to my actual appetite.

amother

Ivory

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 9:01 am

amother [ Mauve ] wrote:

I bring platters to the table and serve at the table. Each guest tells me what they do or don’t like. Noone is touching or breathing on the food. there is no baal tashchis, no awkward feelings or me missing out on conversation because I am in the kitchen.

This would make me so uncomfortable