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So painful- broke and in debt:(:(
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Feb 23 2021, 6:20 pm
Please be kind in your posts. This is just a vent. I grew up fabulously wealthy. DH left my fathers company to “make his own money” and “be a man” and whatever else sounded so good at the time. We are now completely broke, owe about $150,000 in debt. Have no money left anywhere. My father bought all of my siblings a house, but not me because we chose to go on our own. I know he doesn’t owe me and I know that if I was meant to own a house then I would, but it’s just so painful. Ever day I wait and I wait, I think maybe today a yeshua will come but the day passes and nothing changes. I don’t know how I’m paying rent next week. I have $4000 of bills coming up. I can’t anymore. The stress is too painful. I grew up like a princess, I just feel like Hashem hates me right now. Why can’t I just have money for basics???
The biggest joke is that everyone thinks we’re rich because of my father and because of DHs company that’s a massive operation with a massive payroll. But it’s brings home $0 for us. People knock on our door night and day for tzedakah, if only they knew the irony.
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Pamela




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Feb 23 2021, 6:39 pm
I’m so sorry for what you are going through. To know the feeling of abundance and security and then to be without is very very painful. Perhaps it would be beneficial for you to meet with a financial advisor. I don’t know what to tell you since I have never been in your situation but I hope your situation improves.
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mom!




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Feb 23 2021, 6:42 pm
I have no smart advice, only hugs.
Hatzlacha!
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hodeez




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Feb 23 2021, 6:48 pm
Have you asked your father for help?
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Feb 23 2021, 6:52 pm
Thank you, that’s really all I need, just some sympathy even if it’s from strangers online. Validation. No one in real life knows what I’m going through. We laugh how hashem bentched is with kavod. We live in a small town and are looked at as “the ones who made it”.

My father will not help us at this point, for whatever reasons he has. I’m not angry at him, it’s just painful.
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amother




Olive
 

Post Tue, Feb 23 2021, 6:54 pm
Would you or your husband take a job being employed for someone else?
I know that it will be a blow to your honor, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
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writeread




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Feb 23 2021, 6:54 pm
Hugs. That’s a really tough situation to be in.
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doodlesmom




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Feb 23 2021, 6:58 pm
If he has a massive business maybe he can get a consultant how to make it more profitable?
Even someone doing it as a chesed?
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Feb 23 2021, 7:03 pm
He has a consultant and we are both working as many hours as we can in the business. The answer always is in this particular industry until you are making Xmillion dollars you’re not really making money. It turns over a few million dollars a year, but all profits to right back in to help grow the business so it can be at the level where we can take out a beautiful profit imyh. The problem is until we get there. How long do we wait. We’re told don’t give up, keep on chugging. Have a little more patience. It’s just so hard right now.
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HeartyAppetite




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Feb 23 2021, 7:09 pm
I’m so sorry. It sounds so hard.
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amother




Magenta
 

Post Tue, Feb 23 2021, 7:10 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
He has a consultant and we are both working as many hours as we can in the business. The answer always is in this particular industry until you are making Xmillion dollars you’re not really making money. It turns over a few million dollars a year, but all profits to right back in to help grow the business so it can be at the level where we can take out a beautiful profit imyh. The problem is until we get there. How long do we wait. We’re told don’t give up, keep on chugging. Have a little more patience. It’s just so hard right now.


Profits are what you have after you pay yourselves living wages. you can't go on not paying your selves enough to cover personal expenses.
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doodlesmom




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Feb 23 2021, 7:12 pm
Put yourselves on the massive payroll. You are just as important as any other employee.
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naturalmom5




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Feb 23 2021, 7:14 pm
תַּנְיָא, רַבִּי אֶלְעָזָר הַקַּפָּר אוֹמֵר: לְעוֹלָם יְבַקֵּשׁ אָדָם רַחֲמִים עַל מִדָּה זוֹ, שֶׁאִם הוּא לֹא בָּא — בָּא בְּנוֹ, וְאִם בְּנוֹ לֹא בָּא — בֶּן בְּנוֹ בָּא, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: ״כִּי בִּגְלַל הַדָּבָר הַזֶּה״. תָּנָא דְּבֵי רַבִּי יִשְׁמָעֵאל: גַּלְגַּל הוּא שֶׁחוֹזֵר בָּעוֹלָם. אָמַר רַב יוֹסֵף, נְקִיטִינַן: הַאי צוּרְבָּא מֵרַבָּנַן לָא מִיעֲנֵי. וְהָא קָא חָזֵינַן דְּמִיעֲנֵי! אִם אִיתָא דְּמִיעֲנֵי, אַהְדּוֹרֵי אַפִּתְחָא לָא מַהְדַּר.


It was taught in a baraita that Rabbi Elazar HaKappar says: A person should always request divine mercy with regard to this condition of poverty, for if he does not come to a state of poverty, his son will, and if his son does not come to such a state his grandson will, as it is stated: “You shall surely give him and your heart shall not be grieved when you give to him, for due to this thing [biglal hadavar hazeh] the Lord your God will bless you in all your work and in all that you put your hand toward” (Deuteronomy 15:10). With regard to this verse, the tanna from the school of Rabbi Yishmael taught: Due to [biglal] this thing means that it is a wheel [galgal] that turns in the world, upon which people continuously rise and fall. Rav Yosef said: We hold that a Torah scholar will not become poor. The Gemara challenges this statement: But we see that they do become poor. The Gemara answers: Even so, if there is a Torah scholar who becomes poor, he will still never have to go around asking for charity at people’s doors.

אֲמַר לַהּ רַבִּי חִיָּיא לִדְבֵיתְהוּ: כִּי אָתֵי עַנְיָא — אַקְדִּימִי לֵיהּ רִיפְתָּא, כִּי הֵיכִי דְּלַקְדְּמוּ לִבְנַיִךְ. אֲמַרָה לֵיהּ: מֵילָט קָא לָיְיטַתְּ לְהוּ?! אֲמַר לַהּ, קְרָא קָא כְּתִיב: ״כִּי בִּגְלַל הַדָּבָר הַזֶּה״, וְתָנָא דְּבֵי רַבִּי יִשְׁמָעֵאל — גַּלְגַּל הוּא שֶׁחוֹזֵר בָּעוֹלָם. תַּנְיָא, רַבִּי גַּמְלִיאֵל בְּרַבִּי אוֹמֵר: ״וְנָתַן לְךָ רַחֲמִים וְרִחַמְךָ וְהִרְבֶּךָ״, כׇּל הַמְרַחֵם עַל הַבְּרִיּוֹת — מְרַחֲמִין עָלָיו מִן הַשָּׁמַיִם, וְכֹל שֶׁאֵינוֹ מְרַחֵם עַל הַבְּרִיּוֹת — אֵין מְרַחֲמִין עָלָיו מִן הַשָּׁמַיִם.


In a similar vein, the Gemara relates that Rabbi Ḥiyya said to his wife: When a poor person comes to the house, be quick to give him bread so that they will be quick to give bread to your children. She said to him: Are you cursing them, your children? He said to her: It is a verse that is written, as it says: “Due to this thing,” and the school of Rabbi Yishmael taught that it is a wheel that continuously turns in the world. Similarly, it was taught in a baraita that Rabbi Gamliel, son of Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi, says: The verse that states: “And He will show you mercy and have compassion on you and multiply you” (Deuteronomy 13:18) teaches us that anyone who has compassion for God’s creatures will receive compassion from Heaven, and anyone who does not have compassion for God’s creatures will not receive compassion from Heaven.
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Feb 23 2021, 7:35 pm
doodlesmom wrote:
Put yourselves on the massive payroll. You are just as important as any other employee.


Theoretically yes, practically if the business goes under they will find a new job and we will have serious issues. We take out a small salary, around $30k a year and we are on government programs.
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Feb 23 2021, 7:37 pm
naturalmom5 wrote:
תַּנְיָא, רַבִּי אֶלְעָזָר הַקַּפָּר אוֹמֵר: לְעוֹלָם יְבַקֵּשׁ אָדָם רַחֲמִים עַל מִדָּה זוֹ, שֶׁאִם הוּא לֹא בָּא — בָּא בְּנוֹ, וְאִם בְּנוֹ לֹא בָּא — בֶּן בְּנוֹ בָּא, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: ״כִּי בִּגְלַל הַדָּבָר הַזֶּה״. תָּנָא דְּבֵי רַבִּי יִשְׁמָעֵאל: גַּלְגַּל הוּא שֶׁחוֹזֵר בָּעוֹלָם. אָמַר רַב יוֹסֵף, נְקִיטִינַן: הַאי צוּרְבָּא מֵרַבָּנַן לָא מִיעֲנֵי. וְהָא קָא חָזֵינַן דְּמִיעֲנֵי! אִם אִיתָא דְּמִיעֲנֵי, אַהְדּוֹרֵי אַפִּתְחָא לָא מַהְדַּר.


It was taught in a baraita that Rabbi Elazar HaKappar says: A person should always request divine mercy with regard to this condition of poverty, for if he does not come to a state of poverty, his son will, and if his son does not come to such a state his grandson will, as it is stated: “You shall surely give him and your heart shall not be grieved when you give to him, for due to this thing [biglal hadavar hazeh] the Lord your God will bless you in all your work and in all that you put your hand toward” (Deuteronomy 15:10). With regard to this verse, the tanna from the school of Rabbi Yishmael taught: Due to [biglal] this thing means that it is a wheel [galgal] that turns in the world, upon which people continuously rise and fall. Rav Yosef said: We hold that a Torah scholar will not become poor. The Gemara challenges this statement: But we see that they do become poor. The Gemara answers: Even so, if there is a Torah scholar who becomes poor, he will still never have to go around asking for charity at people’s doors.

אֲמַר לַהּ רַבִּי חִיָּיא לִדְבֵיתְהוּ: כִּי אָתֵי עַנְיָא — אַקְדִּימִי לֵיהּ רִיפְתָּא, כִּי הֵיכִי דְּלַקְדְּמוּ לִבְנַיִךְ. אֲמַרָה לֵיהּ: מֵילָט קָא לָיְיטַתְּ לְהוּ?! אֲמַר לַהּ, קְרָא קָא כְּתִיב: ״כִּי בִּגְלַל הַדָּבָר הַזֶּה״, וְתָנָא דְּבֵי רַבִּי יִשְׁמָעֵאל — גַּלְגַּל הוּא שֶׁחוֹזֵר בָּעוֹלָם. תַּנְיָא, רַבִּי גַּמְלִיאֵל בְּרַבִּי אוֹמֵר: ״וְנָתַן לְךָ רַחֲמִים וְרִחַמְךָ וְהִרְבֶּךָ״, כׇּל הַמְרַחֵם עַל הַבְּרִיּוֹת — מְרַחֲמִין עָלָיו מִן הַשָּׁמַיִם, וְכֹל שֶׁאֵינוֹ מְרַחֵם עַל הַבְּרִיּוֹת — אֵין מְרַחֲמִין עָלָיו מִן הַשָּׁמַיִם.


In a similar vein, the Gemara relates that Rabbi Ḥiyya said to his wife: When a poor person comes to the house, be quick to give him bread so that they will be quick to give bread to your children. She said to him: Are you cursing them, your children? He said to her: It is a verse that is written, as it says: “Due to this thing,” and the school of Rabbi Yishmael taught that it is a wheel that continuously turns in the world. Similarly, it was taught in a baraita that Rabbi Gamliel, son of Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi, says: The verse that states: “And He will show you mercy and have compassion on you and multiply you” (Deuteronomy 13:18) teaches us that anyone who has compassion for God’s creatures will receive compassion from Heaven, and anyone who does not have compassion for God’s creatures will not receive compassion from Heaven.


Thank you so much for posting this. It really touched me. I am crying. Imyh the wheel will turn, things we’ll change for the better.
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stillnewlywed




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Feb 23 2021, 7:40 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Theoretically yes, practically if the business goes under they will find a new job and we will have serious issues. We take out a small salary, around $30k a year and we are on government programs.


Why doesn't your husband put all his time into the business, while you find a job where you can bring home a steady paycheck so you don't have all this stress on your head? He can hire someone to take over your job, and you should know you have money coming in whether or not the business makes it.
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amother




Silver
 

Post Tue, Feb 23 2021, 7:49 pm
One day, you will not be in this position. I was in a similar situation 10 yrs ago. Like you, I grew up fortunate. As a child there were a lot of luxuries. However, in married life with kids, my DH and I were in a similar position to you now. In debt. Couldn't afford tuition for the kids. Couldn't afford basics of Pesach. But, BH, we knew it was a matter of time. We are so happy now that we can pay our bills and tuition and be able to give maaser without worrying. Right now you are not seeing a profit. But you are employing people with jobs. IYH, soon, you will be seeing a profit and you will both be so proud of yourselves for what you have accomplished, with the help of Hashem. It's hard to know luxury and then to be without.
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Feb 23 2021, 7:54 pm
amother [ Silver ] wrote:
One day, you will not be in this position. I was in a similar situation 10 yrs ago. Like you, I grew up fortunate. As a child there were a lot of luxuries. However, in married life with kids, my DH and I were in a similar position to you now. In debt. Couldn't afford tuition for the kids. Couldn't afford basics of Pesach. But, BH, we knew it was a matter of time. We are so happy now that we can pay our bills and tuition and be able to give maaser without worrying. Right now you are not seeing a profit. But you are employing people with jobs. IYH, soon, you will be seeing a profit and you will both be so proud of yourselves for what you have accomplished, with the help of Hashem. It's hard to know luxury and then to be without.


AMEN V’AMEN. Thank you for this.
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Feb 23 2021, 7:55 pm
stillnewlywed wrote:
Why doesn't your husband put all his time into the business, while you find a job where you can bring home a steady paycheck so you don't have all this stress on your head? He can hire someone to take over your job, and you should know you have money coming in whether or not the business makes it.


We would lose our benefits and need to pay a babysitter.
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amother




Seagreen
 

Post Tue, Feb 23 2021, 8:02 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Please be kind in your posts. This is just a vent. I grew up fabulously wealthy. DH left my fathers company to “make his own money” and “be a man” and whatever else sounded so good at the time. We are now completely broke, owe about $150,000 in debt. Have no money left anywhere. My father bought all of my siblings a house, but not me because we chose to go on our own. I know he doesn’t owe me and I know that if I was meant to own a house then I would, but it’s just so painful. Ever day I wait and I wait, I think maybe today a yeshua will come but the day passes and nothing changes. I don’t know how I’m paying rent next week. I have $4000 of bills coming up. I can’t anymore. The stress is too painful. I grew up like a princess, I just feel like Hashem hates me right now. Why can’t I just have money for basics???
The biggest joke is that everyone thinks we’re rich because of my father and because of DHs company that’s a massive operation with a massive payroll. But it’s brings home $0 for us. People knock on our door night and day for tzedakah, if only they knew the irony.


My parents went through this. My grandparents bought all the other siblings a house, gave them annual salaries through his business, and my parents struggled. I grew up baruch Hashem with everything I needed, but there were times when there was no money and things were scary.

Over time, my grandfather died and the other siblings ran the business into the ground. There was no money left, and now they're in a difficult position and my parents are in a much better one.

I hope that everyone in your family, your family and your extended family, all make a wonderful parnassah and do well. Remember your DH's reasons are still sound reasons. I really hope you do much better!
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