My husband has been leading a double life, wtd? (Purim fun)

Ihatepotatoes

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 10:00 am

Mod edit: this is a joke thread in the Entertainment forum in honor of Purim

So lately my husband has been acting very strange, like he's hiding something. When I tried talking to him about it, he would always push me off and not want to discuss it. This Shabbos, we were discussing how one of his cousins wrote a book about courage, and what courage meant, and he mentioned that he wished he had the courage to come clean to me about something, but he didn't have the guts. Anyway, I told him that we could make a time to discuss this, and I won't judge him for whatever it is. Shouldn't have made that caveat, but silly me. Last night, he put the kids to bed early, got a babysitter, and went to a local diner, where he said he wants to confess to something awful.

Turns out he's secretly become a healthy eater, specifically a quinoa lover. I thought something was amiss when he turned down those chips, but it's true. He doesn't eat nosh any longer, requested a salad at the restaurant, and begged off a recent trip of his coworkers to the Ice Cream House. I even noticed him sneaking downstairs in the middle of the night lately.Well, I snuck down after him last night and discovered that he's been up to doing terrible, really awful things. I saw him grab a knife, hollow out the leftover Half-birthday cake I got for him, and put in a not-to-large deli container of spinach salad. Turns out he's cooking healthy food after I'm sleeping.I was thinking of slipping unhealthy food into his healthy stuff, like serving him carrot muffins with 4 cups of sugar, but he saw right through me... I almost don't recognize the man I married. Once, he used to grill these succulent steaks, now he sounds like he's about to give the quinoa-oat address at a undereaters anonymous meeting...What shall I do??How am I to go on with this marriage? How can I even broach the topic again without exploding in rage?I'm so confused and don't know what to do, should he see a therapist?

My children are noticing and one even asked for sliced peppers for dessert, "Like Tatty". It's a terrible example for my kids, I don't want them to have a repressed childhood.

Can my gastronomically derelict husband ever regain his deleterious eating habits back, or am I doomed to having a *shudder* healthy family?

amother

Orchid

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 10:03 am

I understand it’s Purim so this is meant as humor but Very distasteful humor when so many women on this sight come here to pour their hearts out about the struggle of the real double life their husbands are leading.

thunderstorm

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 10:04 am

Too funny. Love your sense of humor

amother

Aqua

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 10:06 am

amother [ Orchid ] wrote:

She posted in the entertainment section... that should give ppl a clue

STovah

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 10:07 am

amother [ Orchid ] wrote:

It’s posted in the Entertainment forum.

Java

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 10:07 am

Oh my goodness. How will this marriage survive?

Java

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 10:08 am

amother [ Orchid ] wrote:

amother

Orchid

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 10:08 am

STovah wrote:

It’s posted in the Entertainment forum.

You are correct I missed that I’m sorry

sari00

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 10:08 am

Hahaha!!!😄🤣 love this!!!

essgee

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 10:11 am

please add a trigger warning! (I.e. trigger warning: healthy food mentioned Surprised

)

groovy1224

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 10:12 am

Get on BC stat. Do not go off until you have resolved this issue!!

Ihatepotatoes

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 10:13 am

essgee wrote:

please add a trigger warning! (I.e. trigger warning: healthy food mentioned Surprised

)

Just thinking of adding it makes me want a muffin

Ihatepotatoes

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 10:15 am

groovy1224 wrote:

Get on BC stat. Do not go off until you have resolved this issue!!

100% . I think it's also a total repudiation of how I view weight. My idea of checking my weight is not changing the bathroom scale battery so it just reads "low" and gives me a confidence boost. He has a "weight loss graph" can you imagine? What about my kid's shidduchim???

LovesHashem

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 10:20 am

Oy vey. You need to keep this under wraps or your kids will never get married.

amother

Rose

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 10:24 am

I’ve read this before on here. Was that u potato hater? Are u a hater of all carbs?

keym

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 10:25 am

LovesHashem wrote:

Oy vey. You need to keep this under wraps or your kids will never get married.

I agree. I'm sorry to say that I would never allow your child to marry mine, even if your husband rectifies his ways.
Your child asked for peppers.
The horror.

I'm sorry if this hurts you, but you need to know how badly your husband is behaving.
I bet he started exercising (Chukas Hagoyim) and other such things that are definitely bad examples.

Ihatepotatoes

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 10:33 am

keym wrote:

Worse, HIIT workouts. just the name sounds evil. I mean, he does look great, but isn't the price too big to pay?

Rubber Ducky

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 10:39 am

OP, to save your marriage, I think you need to present a united front. Change your screen name to "ILoveKale" and your avatar to a picture of broccoli sprouts. Your children will survive the teasing if you're all in this together.

essie14

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 10:42 am

You need to be on BC, see a marriage therapist AND discuss with a Rav.

Did I miss any imamother musts? LOL

SuperWify

Wed, Feb 24 2021, 10:45 am

Therapy
Birth control
and HEA (healthy eaters anonymous)