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Parenting of young adults, need ADVICE, pleeease!

 
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Feb 25 2021, 8:06 pm
So I am desperate for your points of view and advice whether you are experienced or are the young adult.

My 15-25 yo young men are driving me mad. Other than a quick meal or two a day, and davening, they spend every free second outside of class and homework on screentime. I am talking 12/18 hours of their waking day is all screen time, plus of the 6 remaining hours school and homework is also on devices.

They are spread out all over the house with devices. The environment feels oppressive and depressing and negative. It feels unhealthy for me to live in it. Yes, they are only in my home because of covid conditions, otherwise mostly would not be home much ever.

Part of me says they are too old for me to do anything about it. The other part of me is considering me moving out so my life can feel better.

What can I do to help myself? Besides I know its terrible for them and is it okay for me to put rules on them at this age.

Heeeellllpppp!!!!!

Pale
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amother




Smokey
 

Post Fri, Feb 26 2021, 1:13 am
You're never too old to parent. Your house, your rules.

14 years ago (so imagine how different things were. No smart phones then) when I was 13, I went to dorm in town. Unlimited internet access. Even as I loved the freedom (and binged TV shows) I wished my parents would care enough to stop being clueless and step in. I would have seen it as being cared for.


There's no reason young men are on devices all day. It's not productive, not healthy, forget about spiritual. Shut the wifi, limit the data, remove the device, stop enabling it.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Feb 26 2021, 2:32 am
Turn off the wifi, but be prepared for a lot of moaning and complaining.

Or ask them to stay in their rooms while they watch.

Do something that you enjoy, and don't focus so much on what they are doing.

Corona is hard on everyone, and you have to pick and choose your battles.
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amother




Orchid
 

Post Fri, Feb 26 2021, 3:07 am
You can't really limit device time on anyone over 18 - that's just intrusive. They are adults.

As for over 16 - it might backfire. They are probably addicted already. It will just lead to friction and fighting and an even worse atmosphere.

I suggest that instead of instructing them to get off the screen, you come up with an activity or something that they will want to participate in. Maybe a big job to do around the house, like painting for pesach? Maybe you could even offer them payment for it.

Also, you can explain why you think so much screen time is negative. They are adults, hopefully they will get it.

Truthfully now with covid there are so few alternatives to screen time for young adults.
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amother




Orchid
 

Post Fri, Feb 26 2021, 3:10 am
FranticFrummie wrote:
Turn off the wifi, but be prepared for a lot of moaning and complaining.

Or ask them to stay in their rooms while they watch.

Do something that you enjoy, and don't focus so much on what they are doing.

Corona is hard on everyone, and you have to pick and choose your battles.


Do NOT turn off the wifi. These are adults, they could be parents already! This is not the time for tough parenting, especially since they are not kids and there is a worldwide pandemic going on.

Agree with the last two sentences. Find something for YOU. Fulfill your time with meaningful activities for YOU. Maybe they will be inspired.

And I agree with the last sentence too. Pick your battles during corona. Not the time to be taking away many young people's last lifeline to their social lives.
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flmommy




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Feb 26 2021, 7:50 am
Have a nice talk with them where you explain your concerns. What they do is up to them but sometimes by nicely pointing out something is enough
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singleagain




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Feb 26 2021, 8:32 am
As a 34 year old living with my folks. Let me chime in.

I'm not home all that often. Thank god I have a job and it keeps me out of the house 6 days a week, coming home at night often after they are in bed.

On my recent snow day and I decided not to log into work. I sat in front of the TV all day. Even though I has planned to so something. And said I won't sit in front of tv a day. I really needed that break.

I suggest maybe trying to open a dialogue and understand why they need the screen time. Otherwise butt out.
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