Typical living room decor for simple non-gashmius oriented

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Forum -> Inquiries & Offers -> Lakewood, Toms River & Jackson related Inquiries

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amother

Hotpink

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 11:06 am

I think you should take a step back and look at your room to make sure there isn’t anything that your children find embarrassing. Yes, it’s just a prozdor etc but teenagers can be very self conscious. Is anything ripped, peeling, faded or extremely outdated and old fashioned? Sometimes updating or adding just a few pieces can change the look of the whole room.

amother

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 11:08 am

My living room is simple and cozy. Basic couches, a couple lamps, a plant, some family photos, a couple of framed gedolim pictures. Nothing crazy outdated looking. Just nothing new and fancy.

We redid my teens’ room a couple of years ago and let them pick the colors, linens, light fixtures.

ETA: and seforim shranks.

hesha

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 11:16 am

I totally can’t offer an opinion because I have no idea what your home looks like. But if your decor is in shabby condition or totally outdated , I see nothing wrong with updating a little, provided that you can afford to replace. There is nothing wrong with a Jewish home looking bright and inviting/pretty. It allows the residents to feel comfortable and happy , and can even make it easier to learn torah /do mitzvos with a full heart. Bayis na’ah marchiva data shel Adam, as the Gemara says . Yiddishkeit and a Jewish lifestyle supposed to be beautiful , not dark and farkvetched. (Again of course provided that it’s in your budget )
I’m not talking about ostentatious pricey renovations. But a new lamp or window shades once in twenty years. .. just my 2 cents .

amother

Amethyst

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 12:24 pm

Your children are obviously embarrassed. If you have the yechoiles to freshen it up then why wouldn’t you? No lighting is Not just to be able to see in the dark, if that were true then we would all just have bulbs hanging and not fixtures. No reason children need to feel their home is not aesthetically pleasing just because their mother finds the old things still “work”. Today there are so many inexpensive stores for rugs, throw pillows target/hole goods), nice frames (amazing savings). The kids should be comfortable at home not feel their house is yucky and dingy. That’s where all the memories are made and they are formed into adults for life. Those memories should be pleasant all around but if money is not the issue just you are standing on ceremony I think it’s a big mistake. It’s obviously causing strife in the house and it’s the easiest fix. You can get a nice cheap rug with colors that make them feel happy and calm. The children can give their input and make it a whole family activity. You can give the older teens a budget and they can each come up with different plans or layouts and ideas for you and you can tell them you will keep it in mind and maybe consider some of those things. Some might think leather in a living room
Is cold or not elegant. Maybe they have seen all their friends gave warm cozy velvet couches. A plant in a living room is also questionable some love and some don’t. Family pictures are nice in hallways on steps or even in a room off the main room. Some only like frames family pictures on a table but on the walls only art. Ask them what they like, what they’ve seen. They are very passionate about this at least hear them out. You don’t need to spend a fortune or keep up with the Jones’s but to make a child feel Yuch in their house when you can do better... and of course if money is very tight and it’s not at all an option right now can always still have them show you what they had in mind and slowly freshen up with an accent and show them you are trying. With all that said, a neat clean happy safe home trumps all:)

Rappel

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 12:27 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Do you agree with me that lamps you bought 2 decades ago that still work fine shouldn’t be replaced with lamps that have a more up to date look? Ditto for blinds that still are in great condition but teens feel are dated?

Yes, I agree. But I don't live in Lakewood, and I have no desire to keep up with the Joneses.

Rappel

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 12:29 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

That sounds very nice.

And they have had their pick in their rooms.

I think teens are just being teens, and you should let them blow over. They'll grow out of it eventually. If they want, they can redecorate their rooms.

They can't dictate your house.

Success10

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 12:43 pm

amother [ Hotpink ] wrote:

I really like this comment the most. I think it's amazing that OP doesn't notice the trends or focus too much on investing in the aesthetics of Olam Hazeh. But we have to be very, very sensitive to the social needs of our kids. In that sense, it might be worth the money to invest in your interior, because it's an investment in showing your kids that their feelings do matter to you.

amother

Floralwhite

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 1:04 pm

amother [ Gold ] wrote:

With all due respect why is your teen dictating how you decorate your home?

Do you have teen girls? Do you have teen girls and you/your house are super simple? This is normal teenage behavior.

We need to moderate the chutzpah, but it doesn't mean that there isn't a kernal of truth in what teens are saying.

I'll give chizuk to op mother not to let them push you around (or be able to tell that they are) but if on the side you look into updating and can afford it then nothing wrong with that. Just be careful to do it on your own terms with their input or not, and let them be thrilled. Enjoy the positive feedback! (mine are saying Mommy we Looove your new sheitel!!)

From another simple Lakewood ima.

amother

Black

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 2:06 pm

I agree with those who say that OP should update her room of she can. Sometimes we have no clue what our surroundings look like because we are so used to them. Teens go to other people's houses and see other people. Light fixtures is a relatively small expense that can make a lot of difference in the room.

I personally love to change something up every now and then. My teens are always exciting.

amother

Seagreen

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 2:19 pm

I’m into fixing things when they break or no longer look right. I get you that you don’t want to buy new shades if the ones you have are functional.
Recently I got new dining room chairs because the ones we had were old and broken. Suddenly the old Walmart mini blinds just didn’t look right any more. They weren’t broken. There was nothing wrong with them, so how could I justify replacing them? I decided to move them to another room that had the same size windows but actually never had shades! Then I went to Lowe’s and bought a cheaper end shade. It’s fresh looking and a newer feeling. See if you can move your perfectly good blinds to another window. Good luck with a fresh new look.

amother

Seashell

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 2:57 pm

My friend and I redid her parents' living room when we were teenagers.
The furniture was outdated and they needed new couches and a paint job, so we painted it a new color, chose new couches and bought and hung some new artwork.
We had so much fun doing it and her parents who had agreed just to humor us were actually very happy with the results!

amother

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 3:03 pm

So I’m hashkafically opposed - for myself and our family, no issues with other people doing what works for them - to the concept of getting rid of perfectly good household items and replacing them with things that serve the exact same purpose. (I have no problem replacing things that are no longer in good condition or functional.) I think living in America, the atmosphere is so focused on externals that people can’t even see it anymore and they think it’s normal!!

We BH have a happy home and there’s no “strife” about this issue, I’m happy to listen to my teens’ opinions but I do what works for me, they can do what works for them when they have their own homes.

amother

Crimson

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 3:19 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

you seem to have your answer, so why start a thread?
if youre happy with your home then thats it.
your daughters will have their own homes they can decorate.

but if it will make them more comfortable, I dont see the issue spending 30$ on a new lamp shade from target that makes them feel more connected to their home.

honeymoon

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 3:30 pm

Can you set aside a modest sum of money which your daughters can use to buy one or two things that will make them happy? It should be approved by you first, but it will make them feel like they got to choose some of the décor while still remaining true to your own beliefs about gashmius.

amother

Ivory

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 3:31 pm

In general, not a good idea to have rigid "hashkafa" "policies" or whatever you call it. Your daughters live in the house and need to feel comfortable bringing friends, dates, in-laws etc.
I haven't seen your house but I've observed a conversation with a teen and his mother when he basically wanted to clean up the papers stuffed in the overstuffed messy sefarim shrank and she had a problem with it.

amother

Khaki

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 3:32 pm

It sounds like your mind is made up. It's amazing what a new coat of paint could do and maybe one new lamp or something.I just see how the family is enjoying the house so much better now that we have done a bit of updating. We're all enjoying the more pleasant space and I don't think we were unhappy before.

amother

Bisque

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 3:39 pm

I was embarrassed to bring home friends in high school. I carried a lot of shame and anxiety. And I resent my mother for it. Part of being an eishes chayil is having a home that is pleasant for all the inhabitants. Why don’t you explore a bit and see where these requests are rooted?

amother

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 3:45 pm

I started the thread because I was curious what other people thought. Our home is BH cheerful and welcoming and my kids’ friends are over all the time. My daughters would love for it to look like some of their teachers who redecorate in the latest styles every few years. I was curious what other people would say. Thanks everyone for your viewpoints.

amother

Slateblue

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 3:51 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

OP I couldn’t agree with you more. I just discussed with his husband and he (thankfully) sees it the way I do too (OOC what does your husband stand on this?)

Rappel

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 3:55 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

So now I have to ask: how did you stay so normal in America? Smile

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