Typical living room decor for simple non-gashmius oriented

Log in / Sign Up

List of Forums + New Post Recipe Box Usergroups Following My Posts Bookmarks

Private Messages Advanced Search Rules New User Guide FAQ Advertise Contact Us

Forum -> Inquiries & Offers -> Lakewood, Toms River & Jackson related Inquiries

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 Next

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother

Cyan

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 4:09 pm

OP. I get you. We live in a teeny tiny house by Lakewood standards. Still have shades that came with house 15 yrs ago. So far my kids haven’t commented.
My home is always filled - literally - with the neighborhood kids. It’s happy and relaxed. I don’t think we’ve bought a new piece of furniture in 12 yrs other then beds and dressers For new family members.

One thing I find is ppl say to buy new furniture to make their kids happy. Or the latest dress. Or newest purse. Or whatever it is. The physical really doesn’t bring happiness. You just want more- To fix the house up more. (Anyone remember the story it just started with the welcome mat). The next dress. The next purse. I’m trying so hard got my girls to see beyond the externals and find happiness within and not from having the latest and biggest. In some ways it’s a losing battle. But I can try a little.

It’s true there is nothing wrong with buying a new lamp. For me lots of lighting is important and dh and I installed spotlights years ago ourselves - diy - and I do think it enhanced our quality of living. But I don’t think things should be done ‘just because everyone else is’. Bec then there is no end.

amother

Amethyst

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 1:42 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I started the thread because I was curious what other people thought. Our home is BH cheerful and welcoming and my kids’ friends are over all the time. My daughters would love for it to look like some of their teachers who redecorate in the latest styles every few years. I was curious what other people would say. Thanks everyone for your viewpoints.

There is absolutely no way for one to know if their teacher is redecorating every few years. Just because someone does their house nicely and it’s well kempt does not mean that it was just redone. Your children have a new teacher every year and are not going back to their old teachers homes. The way you write plural “teachers” who redecorate in the latest styles every few years” is such projection of your conception that if someone’s house was done nicely then that means you’re a slave to it and become a gashmiyusdike person who suddenly needs to keep redoing their home. This is such fallacy. I live in a pretty affluent neighbourhood and Nobody, again Nobody that I know has done their house over before at least 15 years at the MINIMUM!!! A new throw pillow here there, a new vase yes. You don’t want to chas Vishalom turn your children off over something so silly. I really hope you are not this rigid with all your “Hashkafos”. A nice elegant welcoming home is timeless. I have never learnt that one must live in a drab looking home where their children are not happy with the surroundings. The way you say that they can do their own homes differently when they get married. do they not live in your home? That is their home for now where they are so fragile that is where they are being raised, why do you need to “punish” them just so you can have your way? You don’t believe in it because you have convinced yourself of so many misconceptions. I’m sorry but you really lost me with that statement about the teachers.

amother

Coffee

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 3:34 am

amother [ Amethyst ] wrote:

I agree that it's strange to think the teachers are redecorating every few years. Unless by redecorating op means changing a lamp and a picture, or repainting the walls of one room.

When someone tells me they've redecorated their living room, it generally means they've bought new couches, coffee table, rug, painted, maybe new curtains too. I find it hard to believe that a teacher, with a teacher's salary, can do this every three years.

(I don't necessarily think a person needs to decorate according to their teens' styles. Some of my teens prefer the modern look, while I prefer a more rustic vibe - I am not going to cater the style of my home to them. OTOH, here we don't have a disagreement over style - we have a disagreement over whether the most minor updates can be done after many, many years.)

I'm wondering, op, do you not refresh your clothing every ten years, even if it's in mint condition? Would you wear a dress from ten or fifteen years ago, even if your teen dds are telling you it's time to replace it?

Rappel

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 6:43 am

Yes, coffee, some of us do wear clothing until it's worn out. Smile

My best shirt lasted me from 12 until I was 22, and I got it second hand.

amother

Bronze

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 6:45 am

OP is being simultaneously accused of letting her teens run the show and enforcing draconian ideals. I don't think she's doing either. She also said that she's not deciding how others should live - is just about her own home.

OP- to give you another perspective, I think it's great that your teens have pride in your home. I like some of the ideas above where you give them a budget and make it a family project. Let the living space reflect the people who live in it. When they were toddlers, you hung their paintings on the fridge- now you can allow them more mature creative expression.

As a disclaimer, my home has no decorations and nearly every piece of furniture is second-hand.

amother

Coffee

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 8:01 am

Rappel wrote:

Yes, coffee, some of us do wear clothing until it's worn out. Smile

My best shirt lasted me from 12 until I was 22, and I got it second hand.

I have decades old clothes too. What is in good condition, I keep. However, if my teen dds told me that some pieces of clothing look old, tired, outdated, then I would definitely replace if I could afford it.

If I never replaced anything that wasn't torn, I would only be wearing things from 1989 right now.

amother

Cyan

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 8:19 am

In lkwd in general you walk into anyone’s homes and they look like it’s out of a magazine.
So if they’ve been too young teachers homes it’s possible they are heavily styled.

amother

Amethyst

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 8:26 am

amother [ Cyan ] wrote:

In lkwd in general you walk into anyone’s homes and they look like it’s out of a magazine.
So if they’ve been too young teachers homes it’s possible they are heavily styled.

Redecorating every few years though? Or done well the one time they did do it? And in every community you have all types. It’s really hard to generalise. I highly doubt every single home Lakewod looks straight out of a magazine.

amother

Slateblue

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 8:32 am

amother [ Cyan ] wrote:

In lkwd in general you walk into anyone’s homes and they look like it’s out of a magazine.
So if they’ve been too young teachers homes it’s possible they are heavily styled.

Do the teachers in Lakewood get paid that well?

amother

Green

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 9:13 am

This thread is making me glad I don't live in Lakewood.

amother

Lawngreen

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 9:25 am

I am a child of this mentality (the “prozdur” that OP mentioned) and this is how I feel:

As a parent, you need to understand your CHILDREN’S needs. Just because you don’t need gashmius, that doesn’t mean that some of your children don’t.

Put yourself in their world, with their nature, and think about whether your hashkafos are hurting them.

I know many resentful people who were brought up this way.

Chayalle

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 9:36 am

Slateblue - people who teach are either very very simple or they are being supported by wealthy parents. No, they don't get paid very well. That is the reason why middle-class people can't afford to be teachers. (I had this discussion with my high-school teacher. I didn't go into teaching because if I had, I wouldn't have been able to support my DH in Kollel. My teacher concurred that I was right.)

Green, there are all types in Lakewood. And in most other cities. My personal observation.

OP, I moved to my house 3 years ago. Like you describe your house, my home is not up-to-date and modern, but it's pleasant and cozy. (my nephew once described my house as having a more "country" look.)

My living room has a piano on one wall, and a leather sofa on the opposite wall. Coffee table in the middle, and glass end table next to the sofa. Two antique-style big chairs with a small marble table between them on 3rd wall where the windows are (the other walls are open, as my ground floor has an open floor plan...) Over the couch I have a nice painting that I won at a BMG auction some years ago (I was sure there was someone else with my name there. To my great surprise, it was me they were calling for that painting! I don't even remember putting in for it, was in a rush and I think I made a mistake....but I love it!)

I have various family pictures hanging on the walls (graduation pictures, a beautiful canvas the girls did for me for my birthday, family picture at wedding, etc...) I have nice curtains/draperies on the windows, that I got from someone who was redecorating (when we moved in, there were blinds there that I thought were fine, but my girls did not! Being that they were free and my BIL who is handy was willing to help hang them, we put them up. DD says that drapes/curtains give a room a warmer, cozier feel and blinds are for an office. Whatever.)

The room did not have lighting when we moved in, so I had cheap $10 lamps up (that my girls thought were fine) that I didn't like. I recently put in overhead lighting. I think standing lamps are a hazard that can get knocked over. I need to get a guy to spackle the ceiling where the lighting was put in, and we'll be good.

The room is carpeted, but I would love to change that to flooring and a rug one day when my budget allows (that way, we can move out the couches and host family events with more space for meals....sort of extending the dining room.)

BTW....I keep Gedolim pictures in the dining room, and family pictures in the living room. Oh and most of the furniture in the room was free (freebay, chats, etc...)

I should add - I also have a "family" room. That room (also carpeted) has our old leather couch, and leather couch that used to be in my parents' playroom (both are black leather, so they match). Big bookshelf and game closet, and another bookshelf. Small end table. Fireplace along one wall. More family pictures on the walls. It opens to the kitchen. Would love to get rid of carpet there as well. Room has recessed lighting.

BTW, when we moved into our house, some of the rooms, if they had lighting, were very dim. When I upgraded our living room lighting recently, the electrician (whom I would highly recommend) was very helpful with lighting in other rooms - he sent me links with bulb recommendations, and when I replaced the bulbs, the difference in lighting is just amazing. Like I thought I would add more lighting in our dining room, but after I changed the bulbs, this was not necessary. Our kitchen is lit up with the LED bulbs he told me to switch to. It's awesome, what using the right bulbs can accomplish.

Last edited by Chayalle on Mon, Mar 01 2021, 11:29 am; edited 3 times in total

Crookshanks

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 9:44 am

amother [ Green ] wrote:

This thread is making me glad I don't live in Lakewood.

Come one come all!!! A Lakewood bashing party is about to start! Quick, someone bring popcorn!

amother

Mauve

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 9:47 am

amother [ Lawngreen ] wrote:

And I am a child of parents who have the same mentality and I appreciate it SO SO much and have a lot of hakaros hatov to my parents for teaching me to be satisfied with what I have and make do with less.

I was somewhat embarrassed as a child but who isn't embarrassed by something or other about their family/parents as a child?

Chayalle

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 9:54 am

amother [ Mauve ] wrote:

I would venture to guess that the difference between you and the other poster is the degree that mentality was put forward. I think it's great to teach kids to make do with less, but when that is taken too far, the result can be too much shame and tons of resentment.

amother

Fuchsia

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 9:56 am

Crookshanks wrote:

Come one come all!!! A Lakewood bashing party is about to start! Quick, someone bring popcorn!

That seems kinda immature... can you admit that Lakewood has any flaws at all? or when anyone talks about stuff that's wrong with Lakewood is it just 'Lakewood bashing'?

amother

Tangerine

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 9:58 am

Chayalle wrote:

I'm with mauve. I also grew up with a strong prozdor mentality, and trust me, it was really extreme. And I wasn't always thrilled with it growing up. All the same, considering how the world around me is so obsessed with gashmiyus, I'm grateful that I was raised with that awareness.

A lot of it is how it's presented. If the parents really, really believe it deep down to their bones, then even if you are sometimes (often?) embarrassed, etc. there is a level of admiration for someone who can swim against the tide to such a degree.

amother

Tangerine

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 9:59 am

amother [ Amethyst ] wrote:

Redecorating every few years though? Or done well the one time they did do it?

New construction. There's a TON of new construction in Lakewood. Houses in general, compared to New York, are relatively cheap here so people feel they can afford to spend a little more in the decorating.

amother

Seagreen

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 10:00 am

I live in Lakewood and certainly don’t have a living room that looks like a magazine photo.
It’s respectable though. Nothing fancy at all. An 11 year old leather sofa on one wall with a fake painting over it. 2 glass end tables on either side of the sofa. By the bay window there’s a matching leather love seat. Windows have cheap roller shades from Lowe’s. The wall across the couch has a large brass mirror that someone gave us. There are 2 small pictures hung on another wall. That’s it. What makes the room look nice is the hardwood floor we finally put in. It was a big improvement over the carpeting we originally had.
Nothing fancy, just something respectable that I try to keep neat.
I also wonder how people who have such fancy decor are constantly upgrading. It’s not something I wish for. As long as my home doesn’t have broken or eye sore outdated things I’m fine.

amother

Amethyst

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 10:04 am

amother [ Tangerine ] wrote:

That’s ok but to say redecorating every few years is something else. Correct the homes there are way cheaper so people can decorate nicely but that doesn’t mean that once they do decorate, they throw out all their things and start again a couple of years later just to be more fashion forward. I have many friends and relatives in Lakewood and have not witnessed what the OP is talking about.

Page 3 of 6

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 Next