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Forum
-> Judaism
-> Halachic Questions and Discussions
amother
OP
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Sun, Feb 28 2021, 12:10 pm
I'm having some neder ocd. I've recently become conzignant of what might be considered a Neder, and it seems broader than what I thought. I now think back to multiple things I have said, and wonder if they constitute a neder. These are things which I feel silly asking a halachik authority about.
I'm wondering if anyone can relate, and share what has helped them alliviate the doubts.
I'll share one example, is saying "we'll invite so and so for yomtov" binding?
Asking, since it's a Mitzvah to invite guests... Thank you
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oneofakind
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Sun, Feb 28 2021, 12:19 pm
Speak to a therapist about scrupulosity- religion OCD.
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amother
OP
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Sun, Feb 28 2021, 12:26 pm
oneofakind wrote: | Speak to a therapist about scrupulosity- religion OCD. |
Thanks but I'd like to hear from anyone that can relate and provide some insight as to what has helped them.
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amother
Puce
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Sun, Feb 28 2021, 12:33 pm
What helps people is therapy and possibly medication. Ain't no magic or voodoo that will do it. Sorry 😐
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amother
OP
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Sun, Feb 28 2021, 12:38 pm
That's not true. Some people benefit from real life advice. I've specifically asked for personal accounts.
Don't impose; move on to the next thread.
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amother
Yellow
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Sun, Feb 28 2021, 2:27 pm
I haven’t dealt with this form of ocd but I had pretty bad nidda ocd. (Disclaimer- not real clinical ocd, but enough to make me nuts!)
My rav was amazing. I talked it through with him and he helped me understand myself and then he told me to call him directly with any shailos (not through my husband) and he answered every single one calmly and patiently and without making me feel stupid.
That, together with therapy (not specific to ocd, just to pulling my life together) changed my life completely! My ocd has moved on to other areas but I can deal with it. Generally by finding someone trustworthy in that area and relying on their decisions. Or talking things through with a sane impartial other person.
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amother
Bronze
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Sun, Feb 28 2021, 2:32 pm
Id You know it’s ocd, don’t feed the beast. Don’t ask a rabbi, don’t try to get clarity, don’t delve deeper. Hashem wants us to live normal lives not plagued by doubt.
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amother
Lilac
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Sun, Feb 28 2021, 3:05 pm
Ask your LOR, but I believe you can say "all the nedarim I will make this year are null and should not be considered nedarim" or something like that. And repeat once a year.
Also, I believe your husband can annul a vow you make the day he finds out about it, but again... ask your LOR.
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amother
OP
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Sun, Feb 28 2021, 3:29 pm
amother [ Yellow ] wrote: | I haven’t dealt with this form of ocd but I had pretty bad nidda ocd. (Disclaimer- not real clinical ocd, but enough to make me nuts!)
My rav was amazing. I talked it through with him and he helped me understand myself and then he told me to call him directly with any shailos (not through my husband) and he answered every single one calmly and patiently and without making me feel stupid.
That, together with therapy (not specific to ocd, just to pulling my life together) changed my life completely! My ocd has moved on to other areas but I can deal with it. Generally by finding someone trustworthy in that area and relying on their decisions. Or talking things through with a sane impartial other person. |
Thank you for responding. A Rav like that is my dream. I titled my post ocd, but truthfully, I believe that anyone knowledgeable and careful in Halacha would have tackled with this issue at some point.
I know with me, having things explained clearly and thoroughly really does the trick.
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amother
OP
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Sun, Feb 28 2021, 3:31 pm
amother [ Lilac ] wrote: | Ask your LOR, but I believe you can say "all the nedarim I will make this year are null and should not be considered nedarim" or something like that. And repeat once a year.
Also, I believe your husband can annul a vow you make the day he finds out about it, but again... ask your LOR. |
That's a great hack. Bl"n () will verify.
Regarding the second point you brought up, as per my understanding, a husband can only nullify if the neder pertains to him somehow.
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amother
OP
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Mon, Mar 01 2021, 6:51 am
Bump - does anyone else have what to add?
(Obv. Only if they can relate to this issue.)
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