What to divorced women do for seder?

amother

Chartreuse

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 2:18 pm

I have regularly made my seder alone or with my kids, depending on the year and their ages. So, effectively, I've probably done my seder for 8 years of the last 10, and for most of those my kids were away or asleep because they were very young.

No one has ever offered to help or even shown any awareness. I have no family.

I'm glad you're asking so this is discussed in a larger forum.

I don't ask to go out because I don't "need" to go out. We will not die of hunger or not have what we need for a seder. BH My kids will not be sad and depressed or bored.

I spent 72 hours alone, straight through, last pesach. At least I'm not stressed hosting. That did get a little weird/lonely.

I made the sedarim. I read the haggadah and followed directions. I sang if I wanted to, or not.

I was comforted by the story that the Lubavitcher rebbe, after his rebbetzin's passing, made his sedarim alone despite those who offered to be with him.

watergirl

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 2:20 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Assuming you can't or rather not go out for the seder and have nobody who can come to you for whatever reason?

Are you asking because you are divorced or contemplating it this year? Trying to help a friend? How can we help you?

When I was divorced, I actually went to my ex in-laws for the seders!

I will write a more full reply when I understand more about why you are asking.

amother

Coffee

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 2:27 pm

Last year was my first Pesach single and I made it alone with three kids due to corona. It was absolutely beautiful and I was glad that I had the opportunity. If not for covid, I would have most likely gone to my parents.
This year I'm going to a friend because my kids want company, but I wouldn't mind doing it alone again.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 4:40 pm

amother [ Chartreuse ] wrote:

I did the same thing last year. I live alone, and I was still dealing with Corona anyway. I didn't have any choice. Before I started, I davened to Hashem that He should forgive me if I make any mistakes, and tried my best.

amother

Forestgreen

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 6:29 pm

I've done the seder some years. Ah the peace. The yom tovdik joy. The freedom. It's priceless. We experienced the opposite all the years prior to divorce.

My kids prefer to make the seder alone. Some years I feel obligated so I go to my parents for their sake.

southernbubby

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 6:44 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Don’t know how to make a Seder certainly not how to lead one. Not familiar with the hagaddah or good at reading Hebrew. Already so stressed out about making pesach and having to be on my own for the first time.

You can read the Haggadah in English. If you are in a frum community you can buy ready made food. Your local Chabad might be able to help.

SixOfWands

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 6:52 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Do you have kids?

It might be nice to create new Pesach traditions with them, and also to demonstrate -- to them and to you -- that your new family unit will be fine. This is for small kids, but it might be helpful to you as it includes simple, beginner instructions. https://www.judaicaplace.com/t.....w_wcB

The Maxwell House hagadah also has good instructions.

Don't be afraid to CYLOR. That's what they're there for.

watergirl

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 7:01 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Hugs. Join is in the divorced forums!

amother

Amethyst

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 7:21 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Get a Maxwell House haggada it has all the instructions and you can read Maggid in English.

amother

Burlywood

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 8:31 pm

I usually go to my parents for the seder, but last year I learned that leading a seder for my kids is a more beautiful (and dare I say empowering) experience than I ever expected.

I bought a book geared for kids to tell the story of leaving mitzrayim, and they absolutely loved it. Our seder lasted as long as we wanted it to - and for my kids, ending late (or early in the am...) was a badge of honor and normalcy, so that's what we did.

This year I'm vaccinated and my parents are recently recovered from covid, so I'll probably go to them for one seder, but I hope to lead one seder at home this year, too.

amother

Mustard

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 9:27 pm

made it alone last year and there was a wealth of info got from our shul in advance about how to lead the seder alone since so many had to in various situations due to covid -- was super helpful as was a good instructive hagada

hugs and hatzlocha

gilamom

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 10:44 pm

Are your kids older or still little? After my parents divorced, some of us were teens and my oldest brother did most of it with us pitching in. Was actually nice to have a seder for once without the crazy tension at the table, the chill and relaxed atmosphere just made it so special.

amother

Fri, Mar 12 2021, 10:23 am

If anyone has specific recommendations as to what resources would be helpful. What to focus on. Helpful things to read at the seder , specific online resources, or a specific hagaddah, also help with the jobs men usually do like burning the chametz, checking for chametz, etc. I am getting extremely nervous about this and am not comfortable at all. Have major stress already.

thunderstorm

Fri, Mar 12 2021, 10:36 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Do you have a Rav you can consult? My mother was single for a long time and she would sell her chometz through her Rav. She had an appointment with him a few days before Pesach . Don’t wait until the last minute.
She used to ask a neighbor to burn her chometz for her. She just tossed it into their fire. Now there are lots of communal chometz burnings where we live and it’s even easier.
She used a flashlight , no candle when doing bedikas chometz. She’s the one that cleaned for Pesach, so she knew which areas needed more in depth checking . She started as early as possible so that she could do the checking.
I enjoy reading the Haggadah by Yechiel Spero every year.
Please don’t stress. I know that my mothers hardest part is cutting the countertop pieces properly and getting everything lined. But as long as you don’t wait until the last minute and do bit by bit each day, it’s really not that more stressful than for anyone else.

amother

Forestgreen

Fri, Mar 12 2021, 11:05 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

IMHO, focus on one thing: a happy calm atmosphere.

Sister to sister emails halachas of Pesach each year. It is specifically formulated for single moms. Includes checking for chumetz and burning it plus how to lead the seder, with helpful advice too. Once you read it, I believe you will not be overwhelmed by the thought of doing it all alone. Know that there are hundreds of divorced women plus hundreds of almanas doing this each year. You can join sister to sister or call them for this.

octopus

Fri, Mar 12 2021, 12:35 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

At the seder is pretty easy. Get a good hebrew english hagadda. All you have to do is follow the text of the haggadah. Nothing more. Nothing less. If you can't read hebrew read the english. You are supposed to understand what you are reading. Throw your chametz away in time for trash collection and say the kol chamiras (it's in the haggadah). One is for the night of bedikas chametz. The other is for the next morning (this year is a little different you probably don't say it until after you eat challah shabbos morning). You need halachic guidance because this year is a little complicated before pesach since erev pesach is shabbos. But the sedarim part is the easy part.