Kindness | Imamother

amother

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 5:19 am

I find it so interesting that some posters here are treated with kindness, while others are not. Two recent threads stand out to me. I am not advocating that we don’t treat them with kindness, but rather why isn’t that same gentleness and DLZ extended to everyone.

watergirl

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 5:50 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Not sure how to do that without point out the threads and disparities.

I am a mod. Please pm me with the threads you see unkindness. If it breaks the rules, we will address. Or you can report it and say you are reporting at watergirl's request.

watergirl

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 5:51 am

amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:

I have come to realize that there are a couple of posters that are often pretty mean but somehow get away with it. They probably have protektzia.....

Believe me. No one here has any protekzia. Are you implying that people do favors for Yael or the mods and we therefor let their posts slide?

amother

Chocolate

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 5:58 am

watergirl wrote:

Believe me. No one here has any protekzia. Are you implying that people do favors for Yael or the mods and we therefor let their posts slide?

Oh, I don't know what doing favors for Yael or the mods means. I do know and see that there are a couple of posters that are often not so nice so it just seems like they're the teachers pet....

amother

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 5:59 am

watergirl wrote:

I am a mod. Please pm me with the threads you see unkindness. If it breaks the rules, we will address. Or you can report it and say you are reporting at watergirl's request.

First of all, thank you for all the time you dedicate moderating. I can well imagine it is a thankless job.

It’s more of that a lot of the culture on this site is unkind, not that a specific thread breaks the rules. 2 threads come to mind as being particularly kind, that the OP was treated with a gentleness that is the exception, and not typically extended. My point is not that they shouldn’t be, but rather that everyone should be.

I am well aware that the people treated with that special kindness have backstories, and those may have led to how well they were treated, but my question for the Klal is you can be kind, you just proved it, why aren’t you always. Just because you don’t know someone backstory doesn’t mean they don’t have one. Why isn’t kindness the first middah extended. Why are people so cynical?

happy chick

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 6:03 am

I see that trend too. I, personally, posted recently a thread where I was really hurting and debating how to proceed and I got jumped by a couple of people. Not necessarily breaking the rules, just being outright rude and not caring.
And I see it on other threads. But like you said, that is the norm here. When you see a thread where there are no negative come-backs, I think moshiach finally came.

amother

Honeydew

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 6:11 am

amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:

Oh, I don't know what doing favors for Yael or the mods means. I do know and see that there are a couple of posters that are often not so nice so it just seems like they're the teachers pet....

I see what you mean as well Chocolate. Certain posters will post something very negative/unkind/accusatory and other posters will support them regardless because of "who they are". Or at least it seems that way. Personally, I wouldn't want to stand up to these posters because I see how they bite people heads off figuratively and I don't want to mix myself into that.

amother

Chocolate

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 6:13 am

amother [ Honeydew ] wrote:

Exactly. They're like the "rude club".

amother

Burlywood

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 6:18 am

I have no idea which threads you are referring to.
But this is my observation:
Sometimes the OP comes across as entitled, prideful, disdainful or just rude. She doesnt mean to come across that way, but it oozes through. Its human nature that when someone comes off like that (in real life or online), it raises people's hackles, and they want to put her in her place.
That's one instance where you will find a thread where everyone is bashing OP- because she just irks everyone.
Another type of thread is where the OP describes a situation where she is so sure she is right, but it's clear to almost everyone else that she is the wrong party here. So they point that out to her (gently or otherwise), and instead of listening to the perspectives of the peanut gallery, she doubles down on her position. That also might get people to be sharp with her.
Basically, online forums are a microcosm.of what happened in real life. In real life, people who are like these OPs are annoying and basically inviting abuse. But unlike in real life, people are quicker to be blunt, since it's easier to say it as it is when there's a barrier of anonymity.
And yes, some posters are quicker on the draw when it comes to exposing these OPs or they feel themselves to be self appointed "policewomen" to put people in their place, and do it very sharply. They say things that others are only thinking. So we won't necessarily call these "policewomen" out, because essentially we agree with them, though we wouldn't have been so sharp.

watergirl

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 6:32 am

amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:

Oh, I don't know what doing favors for Yael or the mods means. I do know and see that there are a couple of posters that are often not so nice so it just seems like they're the teachers pet....

You said people have protekzia. That means, literally, person A does a favor for/gives a bribe to person of power and in return, person of power PROTECTS person A. You used the term... which implied Yael and the mods receive something from those you believe to have protekzia.

If there are repeat offenders, please report that person. Go to their profile and hit the “!” which will send a report to Yael. You can say there what the issue is.

watergirl

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 6:32 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thank you.

I agree with you.

amother

Honeydew

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 6:44 am

Watergirl- I am curious about reporting. Usually the posts I am thinking of do not have anything absolutely outright wrong with them. They just have such a nasty or sarcastic tone to them.... or they take the thread down a really negative path.... I honestly feel silly reporting such a post. Is it appropriate to report anyway? I don't want to become that poster that reports everything🙈

watergirl

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 6:58 am

amother [ Honeydew ] wrote:

Sometimes we do edit away snark. Earlier, someone said a really mean thing to someone else which was clearly an attack and I removed it and left the rest of the post. We generally leave sarcasm up. If the mods/Yael feel the post is ok, it stays and we clear the report. Sometimes with the comments that really derail the thread, we do remove and hide that whole sub-thread if its really inappropriate. You can feel free to pm me a specific example and ask me what I think before reporting it if you are unsure.

flowerpower

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 7:27 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Yes. I agree. There is a poster that needs advice and support and asks some interesting questions. People are really mean to her. It’s horrible to watch. And there definitely are posters that people will be extra nice to. I see it clearly all the time.