S/O Feeling irrelevant and so many other threads

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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amother

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 11:22 am

Why do all threads attack the OP?

It seems like on imamother, there are so many posters upset about something in their own life, they attack OP as if OP is a character in their own life. Even if an OP in a thread is doing something that you think can be improved on, don't you think you can help much more effectively by showing the other side in a gentler way?

I am not at all implying the OP in "Feeling irrelevant" did anything wrong. I only read the beginning of the thread and did not post. I saw that she was having a painful experience having her children need her less, a very well known cause of strong emotions, which so many people I was not even close with warned me about when my daughter got engaged.

I started other threads recently in which I was attacked, but I didn't think I could be objective there. Here, it was just absolute proof that people are attacked here when it is completely unjustified.

amother

Wine

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 11:26 am

There are posters that don't know how to be nice and reply like a mature adult. It's sad.

amother

Papaya

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 11:32 am

Either you get it or you don't. It seems you don't.

amother

Hotpink

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 11:33 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Obviously different people have different opinions- I saw that thread too, and I thought many of the so-called 'attacking' responses were quite on point and exactly what the OP needed to hear, should she have chosen to listen.

amother

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 11:36 am

I didn't read the entire thread, but based on the first page, the OP was told that the problem might be her, when there was nothing to indicate that.

amother

Hotpink

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 11:37 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I didn't read the entire thread, but based on the first page, the OP was told that the problem might be her, when there was nothing to indicate that.

To your ears, there was nothing to indicate that. Evidently others heard differently.
We all judge situations based on our own experiences

amother

Wine

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 11:38 am

amother [ Hotpink ] wrote:

To your ears, there was nothing to indicate that. Evidently others heard differently.
We all judge situations based on our own experiences

Everything can be said in a nice way. You don't must be harsh and mean to bring out a point. That's very rude and immature. You don't have to be a bully to prove your point. Everything can be said nicely.

amother

Hotpink

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 11:40 am

amother [ Wine ] wrote:

The only bullying on that thread was a bunch of posters ganging up on one very well-known and loved poster and attacking her for no reason.

amother

Wine

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 11:42 am

amother [ Hotpink ] wrote:

The only bullying on that thread was a bunch of posters ganging up on one very well-known and loved poster and attacking her for no reason.

The well known loved poster was so mean and harsh. I guess imamother loves mean posters. She could've said the same thing in a nice way. Her posts were extremely mean.

amother

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 11:46 am

Quote:

To your ears, there was nothing to indicate that. Evidently others heard differently.

imamother was created for mothers to support each other. I had a 10 year break from imamother, and when I returned, I can see that things are radically different.

If you want to support a mother that you feel is making a mistake, attacking her will not help at all. Do all the posters that attack really believe it will be helpful? Maybe ask anyone that is in chinuch, a rav, a therapist? By the way, by posting these attackers seem to be doing exactly what they are accusing the OP of in many cases.

I had to explain to my husband that when I post my questions, I expect to be attacked, but I am able to filter, and 10% of the responses do provide comfort to me.

amother

Tan

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 11:48 am

So let's start fighting about it again... maybe we need more action on here today, or people will get bored. Rolling Eyes

amother

Indigo

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 11:48 am

Tough love is not something you can give to someone you don't already have a good relationship with.

flowerpower

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 11:50 am

amother [ Hotpink ] wrote:

Everything can be said in a NICE way!!!!!! Why the attack and accusations? It’s so mean. You can give advice but in a nice way.

amother

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 11:53 am

Quote:

So let's start fighting about it again... maybe we need more action on here today, or people will get bored.

This thread is not about one thread specifically. It's about the fact that someone would get rich very quickly if they were placing bets on an OP being attacked by more than one poster in a thread involving family, COVID, politics etc.

I only read the first page of the Feeling Irrelevant thread, so it's definitely not about that

amother

Wine

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 11:53 am

flowerpower wrote:

Everything can be said in a NICE way!!!!!! Why the attack and accusations? It’s so mean. You can give advice but in a nice way.

It has become "nebby" to be nice and the mean posters have somehow earned respect and right of passage.

Imabubby60

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 11:54 am

It is a hard adjustment, but you handle it with aplomb! Concentrate on what you're grateful for: daughters that are becoming more mature and self sufficient, thank G-d! They can listen to your advice and make decisions on their own and that's great. Whenever you talk to your girls, comment on all the positive things you see. They. will want to be closer over time when they feel you rooting for their successes and you make them feel good to talk to you.

Crookshanks

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 11:57 am

Yes it's awful. There are some people on Imamother who think they're job is to yell abuse on every single thread. These mental health do gooders see nothing wrong with painting every OP as an abusive person as long as they can educate everyone else on the thread. I wish they'd spin off onto a different thread or just be quiet on thread #3,000 that has nothing to do with them or their childhood. It's so annoying and really derails threads when people project their own childhood issues on people THAT ARE NOT THEIR OWN MOTHER. Okay, I feel better now. Thanks for listening.

amother

Tan

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 11:58 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Quote:

So let's start fighting about it again... maybe we need more action on here today, or people will get bored.

True, but it looks like it's becoming about that thread, with the same back and forth.

imaima

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 12:07 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Quote:

To your ears, there was nothing to indicate that. Evidently others heard differently.

Are you me? I am back after a few years and see how the tone changed. Feels like the a ton of self-centered brats got married and now dominate the internet. Not "Self-centered as in caring about oneself" but Self-centered as in not being able to see the other side".

I too was attacked for being an imperfect mother and I even admitted that I have issues myself and that I am in therapy.

They still attacked me because guess what, they all need a scapegoat. Because the therapy is supposed to be an answer but it obviously hasn't helped these posters since they cannot ignore the triggering posts without hurtful comments.

I have a newsflash for every aggressive poster out there, maybe you were not cut out to be a mother because you will struggle all your life with doing mothering right. You have not experienced love and you are prone to making mistakes even if you promise yourself one hundred million times to be better. Even if you read every book and did every parenting course out there, and even if you have had years of therapy, you will be making parenting mistakes and questioning your actions, REGARDLESS OF YOUR INTENTION.

And if you come to vent on imamother about how hard it is, a crowd of underloved amothers will crucify you, because they don't realize that they will INEVITABLY be in your shoes.

amother

Blush

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 12:12 pm

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Last edited by amother on Wed, Dec 15 2021, 2:24 pm; edited 1 time in total

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