Home

Do you tidy up after your kids in other people's houses?

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette


View latest: 24h 48h 72h


amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Mar 04 2021, 2:53 pm
Or do you just leave it?

I had a relative over today with her kids. Prior to the visit, my house was spotless. She left and it looked like a tornado hit, crumbs, sticky floor, toys everywhere.

My house never looks like that. I have a 'one toy at a time' rule, her kids take them all out. She gives her kids snacks which they eat walking around, and supper on the couch(!). She does not clean up after them, or make them clean up..(though they are still quite little)

What can I do about this? I was so upset because my house was so clean, and when DH came home it was a mess. She's a close relative and comes by often, and this always happens. Sad
Also, I feel really mean but I don't like to invite her for shabbos meals cos of the mess factor, and I feel bad that she must notice how I invite other relatives way more often. Confused

What would you do??
Back to top

Stars




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Mar 04 2021, 2:56 pm
Can you communicate with her about this?
Back to top

amother




Mistyrose
 

Post Thu, Mar 04 2021, 2:57 pm
I always clean up- even when other person tells me that I don't need to.
Can you tell her that kids need to eat at a table?
Also, maybe put a lock on your cabinet to make sure it's one toy at a time.
Back to top

amother




Cobalt
 

Post Thu, Mar 04 2021, 3:00 pm
Sure I tidy up! But not everyone does. So when I have people over that I know they won't clean up after themselves, I call out "let's all clean up together" and that's what we do. I have the kids do the toys while I do the rest. I don't expect guests to clean up spotless, but toys and trash should be cleaned up.
OP, have you spoken to her about it? Maybe she thinks you're easygoing and you don't mind. If you never say anything, she'll continue doing it.
Back to top

amother




Jade
 

Post Thu, Mar 04 2021, 3:03 pm
Send her a bill LOL
Back to top

amother




Yellow
 

Post Thu, Mar 04 2021, 3:21 pm
Maybe try intervening before things get out of hand. When her son starts taking his snack out of the kitchen say 'Tzvi lets try to keep the food by the table' hopefully she'll take the hint and enforce that. Once he's out of the kitchen it's harder to get him back in. Same with toys, say 'Tzvi we can have one toy at a time which one do you want first?"

To answer your question I clean up toys, wrappers and the like but I probably wouldn't sweep or wipe down the table unless my kids really made a mess.
Back to top

Sesame




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Mar 04 2021, 3:35 pm
Always always, even when they say it’s not necessary
I would say in the absolute sweetest voice “hey I see you wanna take out the Lego?sure, come let’s first tidy the magnets and then for sure we will take out the Lego!”
Or “isn’t that a nice cookie? Come sit here so we don’t make too much mess and then when you’re finished your yummy cookies you can play again.”
You’re telling the child your rules and I don’t think it’s confrontational or unkind. The mother shouldn’t have a problem with this
If she does comment “oh it’s fine or I don’t mind”
Just blame your kids. Explain these are the rules they know and they get confused so it helps them.
Back to top

amother




Powderblue
 

Post Thu, Mar 04 2021, 3:43 pm
To me eating around the house is different than playing with multiple toys at once. The first is a hard no, the second is more personality. I personally have one friend who has the one toy at a time rule and it’s really stressful and not fun to have play dates there, so we stopped. Yes I explain to my child that it’s Miriam’s house and her rules but that level of ‘tidiness’ IMO isn’t conducive to a play date (yes of course we clean up after the play is done before we leave) I think having guest over means a certain Amount of mess; when I have guests I expect it. Driving My guests crazy with my rules doesn’t make for an enjoyable time. But I’m also not one of those spotless house people; again being in that Environment would stress me out; I’d rather they come to me
Back to top

amother




Emerald
 

Post Thu, Mar 04 2021, 4:04 pm
I would mostly tidy up. Unless my kids were really messy, I wouldn't sweep the floor or whatever, but I do encourage my kids to put toys away, clear up plates etc.
I also see it as their kids are also making the mess, it's not just mine, but I would try and make sure it's reasonable before I left.
Back to top

shaqued_almond




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Mar 04 2021, 4:12 pm
I always clean up and I try to have my kids help too. It's derech eretz. Sorry they were rude
Back to top

MiracleMama




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Mar 04 2021, 4:44 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Or do you just leave it?

I had a relative over today with her kids. Prior to the visit, my house was spotless. She left and it looked like a tornado hit, crumbs, sticky floor, toys everywhere.

My house never looks like that. I have a 'one toy at a time' rule, her kids take them all out. She gives her kids snacks which they eat walking around, and supper on the couch(!). She does not clean up after them, or make them clean up..(though they are still quite little)

What can I do about this? I was so upset because my house was so clean, and when DH came home it was a mess. She's a close relative and comes by often, and this always happens. Sad
Also, I feel really mean but I don't like to invite her for shabbos meals cos of the mess factor, and I feel bad that she must notice how I invite other relatives way more often. Confused

What would you do??


When my kids were little I did clean up after them. Now they are older I make them clean after themselves.

What would I do? Well, I would not wait until the end of a house-trashing session to see if anyone is going to pitch in. I would tell guests my rules. We only take one toy out at a time. We only eat at the kitchen table. Etc. Making guests feel welcome should not mean allowing them to treat your home like a dumpsite.

I feel for you. It's a constant battle here. Families come over and the kids are running wild and the parents are just chilling and having a grand time. I am left to police their children to protect my home. I resent it. I don't expect guests to know my rules, but once I request something (no jumping on the couch) the parents can stop their kids from doing it.
Back to top

amother




Scarlet
 

Post Thu, Mar 04 2021, 5:22 pm
I am way more on top of my kids in other people's homes than in our own home lol.

The obvious solution is not to have them over so often, though it sounds like you don't want to go that route (though it may be worth it to do it just between now and Pesach!)

Otherwise, I'd say maybe don't make a fuss about the toys but out your foot down on the food. Toys where they shouldn't be is not the biggest deal, food where it shouldn't be is a big pain in the behind, so that would be the hill to die on when they come over.
Back to top

zaq




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Mar 04 2021, 9:05 pm
Yes, I do, of course. Wouldn't dream of doing otherwise.
Back to top

amother




Oak
 

Post Thu, Mar 04 2021, 9:11 pm
Yes! I have my kid try to clean first but I always make sure we leave as we found it. I really understand you OP. I Hosted a relative who did something similar. And I worked so hard to tidy everything up, before everyone came over. She didnt even offer to help, and texted after about coming over more often. Honestly I love her kid but the time cleaning before and after was not worth the playdate. I don't even think 2x about cleaning up after myself and my kids. But seems others dont do the same.
Back to top

Snickers18




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Mar 04 2021, 9:31 pm
Of course.

When people come here and there's previous unpleasant history, I have to decide which of the following 2 directions I will go in:

- Micromanaging and being "on" all the time, directing the kids and playing with them and making sure things don't get out of hand. People end up thinking I love playing with kids and really, I just want my Shabbos nap. LOL

- Resigning myself to the fact that it will get out of hand, locking up or hiding whatever I don't want to get ruined, and cleaning up after they leave.

We've had some people over whose kids take out every single toy and book in the house and don't even spend time with each thing before moving to the next. To be fair, their parents tell them it's time to clean up before they leave, but at that point, how are they supposed to know where to put literally hundreds of items?? I just tell them to forget it and I'll take care of it. This is why I'm a big fan of the one toy at a time policy.
Back to top

lucky14




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Mar 04 2021, 9:52 pm
I tell guests we have a food at the table only rule. Before they leave you should announce like "OK everyone, time to clean up!" (to everyone not just her kids specifically). Make sure she hears you obviously. Also next time maybe don't have all of the toys available to be played with. Maybe limit the kids to certain areas of the house and only to a few toys.
Back to top

amother




Dodgerblue
 

Post Thu, Mar 04 2021, 11:13 pm
I think I clean up after myself but I have a sister who whenever I am at her house she’ll find a wrapper or something that me or my kids left and get all upset how I always leave a mess when I come. Needless to say we don’t go very often.
Back to top
Recent Topics

Page 1 of 1 View latest: 24h 48h 72h


Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

Related Topics Replies Last Post
David schatzkamer, therapist for kids, in brooklyn
by cb
10 Today at 1:37 pm View last post
Besides juvenile planet, any stores carry kids floaters?
by amother
2 Tue, Apr 20 2021, 11:50 am View last post
How was ur summer road trip with kids?
by kidsmom
0 Tue, Apr 20 2021, 10:57 am View last post
WhatsApp group with aliexpress and shein kids clothing
by amother
11 Tue, Apr 20 2021, 10:18 am View last post
Zeebra Kids Shoes
by amother
13 Mon, Apr 19 2021, 10:00 pm View last post