Home

DC always wants to go to doc/hospital
1, 2  Next
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children


View latest: 24h 48h 72h


amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 4:38 am
I'm trying to figure out how to deal with DD's constant need to go to doctors/hospitals. Yes, she has a cold/stomach pain etc. on occasion like all kids do, but I know what I'm doing and not every ailment requires a trip to the doctor.

When I don't want to take DD she gets annoyed, says I don't care, starts blaming etc.
I'm a caring mother who takes my children's health seriously and I take them to the doctor/hospital when necessary, but not every fall requires a trip to the ER, and not every sniffle requires a trip to the doctor.

I took DD to the ER twice recently after she hurt her hand at school. I could tell it wasn't fractured and she didn't appear to be in so much pain but she begged incessantly until I agreed to go. Hand was x-rayed and doctor said it was fine. Now she fell at home. I'm assuming it's badly bruised but she doesn't stop "bullying" me into taking her.

Why does she love going so much? How can I help her overcome this need?
Back to top

amother




Amber
 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 4:47 am
Hmmm, my 3 yo is the same. For every mosquito bite, he wants to run to the doctor and he begs for medication. I think that at his age it is a bit more age appropriate.

Hospitals are kind of fun places. Kind of I say, if your feeling fine. Then you get loads of attention from the drs and nurses, there's so much action.

I never ever went to the hospital as a kid, now when I go to give birth or for sonograms, I love it. Because I'm calm and I know I'm ok, I just enjoy the experience and the action.
Back to top

mommy3b2c




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 4:49 am
How old is she?
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 4:53 am
Nine
Back to top

mommy3b2c




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 4:56 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Nine


Honestly, I don’t think the behavior is normal and I would speak to a professional about it. Also, I think the fact that you actually let her convince you to take her to the hospital is a bit much. You need to set boundaries and stand your ground.
Back to top

FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 5:07 am
Try to keep track of when these things happen.

Is she trying to get out of going to school or doing chores?
Are you paying more attention to her siblings?
Are you on the phone all day?

Something is going on with her. You have to talk to her and get to the root of it.
Back to top

WhatFor




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 5:13 am
Could it be anxiety related in that it's not that she loves the hospital but she might have a bit of hypochondria? Does she have anxiety in any other areas?
Back to top

Success10




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 5:41 am
mommy3b2c wrote:
Honestly, I don’t think the behavior is normal and I would speak to a professional about it. Also, I think the fact that you actually let her convince you to take her to the hospital is a bit much. You need to set boundaries and stand your ground.


I actually think the behavior is on the extreme end of normal. Many kids turn to injury/illness as a mode to get attention. The key is to not give them attention for their drama or feigned injuries, but yes to give them attention in other ways, as much as possible. Even if you think you already give the kid enough attention. Try to spend one-on-one time if possible.
Back to top

amother




Honeydew
 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 5:58 am
It can be normal and it's an attention-seeking behavior. When my son was that age and he said he needed glasses, I took him to the optometrist who told me he has perfect vision and that it's normal for kids this age to insist on dr appts to get attention.
Maybe you can take her out for pizza once a month.
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 6:24 am
She's an only and gets lots of one-on-one attention.
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 6:25 am
mommy3b2c wrote:
Honestly, I don’t think the behavior is normal and I would speak to a professional about it. Also, I think the fact that you actually let her convince you to take her to the hospital is a bit much. You need to set boundaries and stand your ground.


The thing is, she did hurt herself badly and when she cries and screams that she can't move it and I must take her blah blah blah, I begin to second guess myself.
Back to top

amother




Jade
 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 6:42 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
She's an only and gets lots of one-on-one attention.


Could it be anxiety?

At that age, the beginning of puberty, my dad's anxiety appeared. She was so sure every minor ailment was the start of something dreadful

Add in some attention seeking (or rather attention confirmation - "I'm important to my parents, etc) and some sensory bodily hyper-awareness and every injury was dire.
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 7:03 am
Right, but can anyone help me figure out how to deal with a crying, screaming DD that insists I must take her because she's in so much pain?

I've told her that Mommy's know best and I don't feel an ER visit is necessary at this point so she screams and cries that it hurts her so much and I don't care etc.

What should I do?
Back to top

gibberish




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 7:14 am
I agree it may be anxiety related.
Maybe ask your pediatrician to tell her rules about when it's necessary to go? (After a private discussion with the doctor first)
Something like:
Fever after 24 hours, not being able to move hand for 24 hrs, etc
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 7:19 am
Doc isn't seeing patients due to covid....

I always waited at least 24 hours before going to the ER so that won't help. Sprains can hurt for a while, but that doesn't mean it's fractured. She's begging incessantly and I'm concerned they'll start suspecting abuse.
Back to top

amother




Lavender
 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 7:36 am
“Honey, the hospital and er are for huge emergencies. Think about it for a long time before you answer, but is this a huge emergency? I understand that your hand hurts/that you have a cold/etc, but Bh we have ice packs in the fridge/cold medicine and tea/bandaids. The doctors in the hospital are used to seeing gushing blood and people who need a machine to help them breathe, people who CANT help themselves at home. We are going to try xyz instead, and if you’re still uncomfortable I can call your doctor.”
Back to top

amother




Sienna
 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 7:40 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Doc isn't seeing patients due to covid....

I always waited at least 24 hours before going to the ER so that won't help. Sprains can hurt for a while, but that doesn't mean it's fractured. She's begging incessantly and I'm concerned they'll start suspecting abuse.


Hospital SW here

Doubt they Suspect abuse. But they may soon suspect that your child has an anxiety disorder and they may very well be right. We see this dirt of thing all the time
Back to top

amother




Honeydew
 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 7:49 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Right, but can anyone help me figure out how to deal with a crying, screaming DD that insists I must take her because she's in so much pain?

I've told her that Mommy's know best and I don't feel an ER visit is necessary at this point so she screams and cries that it hurts her so much and I don't care etc.

What should I do?

She isn't going to like it when you set boundaries with her so initially she will cry and scream more until she gets used to you taking charge as the mother.
She can watch a video or read a book and check after that if it's still hurting her.
She can have tylenol for pain- check again in 6 hours.
She can have a dr appt tomorrow if it's still hurting by then. Or the day after.
She can sulk on the couch while you cook dinner and you'll check back on her in 20 minutes.
Small increments of time delaying her "emergency" need to see a dr will get her used to you being in charge of when a dr is necessary. And she probably would rather have a quick sudden recovery and move on to more exciting things than crying and whining.
Back to top

amother




Pink
 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 7:56 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Right, but can anyone help me figure out how to deal with a crying, screaming DD that insists I must take her because she's in so much pain?

I've told her that Mommy's know best and I don't feel an ER visit is necessary at this point so she screams and cries that it hurts her so much and I don't care etc.

What should I do?


My daughter is/was like that, crying and very hysterical.Not screaming about going to the dr but upset enough to scare me. After enough visits for xrays etc I realized that her injuries are unlikely to be severe. Now I comfort her, offer her pain meds, ice etc and if she refuses I tell her that it must not hurt so much because she doesn't want pain medication. I find that if we can get through the initial hurt then she calms down and all is okay. I've also told some of my younger kids occassionally when they ask to go to the dr but it isnt necessary that I spoke with the dr and he said that we don't need to come in.
In your case can you bring up this topic with her ped next time she has an appointment and in front of her ask him what to do. Maybe she will be comforted by hearing from him that she does not need to go in for everything.
Also does her dr have a nurses line? If they do call them next time she gets hurt and explain the background and ask their advice about what to do.
Back to top

monseymom25




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 8:05 am
OP I know what you’re going through! I’ve dealt with this but with my 15 yo dd. Right down to her accusations of ignoring her needs.

It sounds to me like it’s anxiety. She’s not seeking attention she’s scared and helpless and wants confirmation that she’s ok. If this fear disrupts her ability to function then she needs help from a therapist to deal with it . My dd approached me and said ,‘I’m having anxiety’. Since yours is so young I think you should ask your pediatrician about the behavior and see if he/she recommends therapy.

This is what helped us get through it in the meantime.

Using the hand example.

“Dd, I’ve been a mom for 9 years now, and taken care of you and been in contact with your doctor. Since we can’t and don’t need to go to the doctor for everything, he/she has helped me understand over the years what needs immediate attention and what can be a wait and see situation. I know your hand really hurts right now. (Validate! Show that you are there for her)
I’m watching and evaluating. How’s the movement? Can you wiggle your fingers? How’s the pain when you’re moving? When you’re still? Is it getting better over time? Worse? The same? Is it swollen , red, or hot to the touch?
Let’s wait and reevaluate (if you think that’s what it needs) in x amount of time.”

Hopefully by then it will be more clear and you can discuss your decision with her. Either it’s improving and we can still wait and reevaluate, or it isn’t and we can call our doctor.

ETA
I don’t agree with those who suggested ignoring her behavior. If it’s anxiety she needs to feel secure in your understanding of and ability to hadle the situation.
Back to top
1, 2  Next Recent Topics

Page 1 of 2 View latest: 24h 48h 72h


Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Kosher food near Columbia Hospital in NYC
by amother
4 Yesterday at 4:51 pm View last post
My son wants to be wild
by amother
31 Tue, Mar 16 2021, 10:52 am View last post
10 month old is always unhappy
by amother
16 Fri, Mar 12 2021, 1:10 pm View last post
Who said Hashem wants it to be this way?
by amother
32 Thu, Mar 11 2021, 10:44 pm View last post
Anyone wants lots of unopened boxes of frozen food? 2 Tue, Mar 09 2021, 3:20 pm View last post