DC always wants to go to doc/hospital

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

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amother

Sun, Mar 07 2021, 8:13 am

Thanks everyone.

DD climbed onto a table to reach something when I wasn't looking and fell off. She did hurt herself and her knee is a little swollen but I think she's exaggerating just how much it hurts. It looks like a sprain rather than a fracture which would most likely heal with a couple of days of rest.

She keeps having legitimate injuries, but they're not emergencies IMO.

If a kid's knee is swollen would you run to the ER?

monseymom25

Sun, Mar 07 2021, 8:21 am

When did this happen? Has it gotten better? Worse?
If you yourself are unsure call your pediatrician for advice, then discuss it with her.

amother

Lavender

Sun, Mar 07 2021, 8:24 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

No. You just keep reinforcing how lucky she is that you can help her at home with an ice pack and a couch.

imasinger

Sun, Mar 07 2021, 8:47 am

Maybe try making a 1-5 scale something like this, and displaying it on a fridge or wall?

Pain/injury Levels and Responses:

Level 5 - Life threatening emergency - call hatzola/911

Level 4 - Serious injury (gash wound unable to stop bleeding after 10 minutes, very serious or large burn, obviously broken bone, suspected concussion) or illness (high fever for several days, other signs of infection not getting better on its own) - examine and note details, call doctor for further instructions (office vs ER)

Level 3 - Ongoing condition of concern (constipation, sleep concerns, etc), or moderate injury (big bruise, scrape, or sprain) - look up first aid information together at home, and call doctor at end of day if no improvement. Keep track during the day of pain ("on a scale of 1-5, how's your knee feeling now?"), so there's a list.

Level 2 - minor scrape or bruise - treat with first aid kit, note condition in writing, so that we can see how it looks once a day. If no improvement noted after a week, call a doctor.

Level 1 - "Go find yourself a band-aid/take a warm bath/let me kiss your boo-boo", depending on ability and sense of humor.

It's easy enough, if a kid is worried, to call and speak to a nurse; many offices provide this service. Hearing a professional say not to rush in may help calm an anxious child.

gibberish

Sun, Mar 07 2021, 8:52 am

Separately, if she is continually getting minor injuries, it may be worth getting her evaluated by an OT to see if she needs help with body/spatial awareness. That's a pretty common issue that OTs work on regularly.

amother

Purple

Sun, Mar 07 2021, 9:00 am

My 9yo does this. He has pandas/brain inflammation. It’s much worse when he’s flaring from active strep or off treatment. Better when treatment is effective and other symptoms are waning as well, so I know it’s definitely tied to the brain inflammation. I absolutely refuse to feed into this kind of behavior. I’ve gotten very adept at figuring out when he really needs medical attention. In fact, when he’s sick he just acts sick. Asking to go to a dr/hospital/clinic/get a cast/limping is almost a sure sign he’s faking it.

amother

Sun, Mar 07 2021, 10:14 am

Good to hear from others experience. Thanks!

imasinger, what would you do in our current situation where DD fell off a table and has a swollen knee. She's had several "legitimate" injuries, some at school that weren't her fault so I don't think there's any spatial awareness issue.

Each time she gets hysterical about needing to have it checked out and so far they were all ok. Until I take her, even 2-3 days later, she refuses to move the limb.

And each time I get this niggling doubt that maybe this time it is serious although it doesn't seem so.
It's hard to trust your gut in a situation that isn't so clear cut.

amother

Honeydew

Sun, Mar 07 2021, 10:26 am

My 11 yr old came home limping a few days ago and said he hurt himself on the way home from school. He sat on the couch over the weekend and refused to walk. I took him to a specialist who xrayed him and said there is nothing wrong with his foot. I said, great when will he be able to walk normally again? The dr turned around and said to him: right now! There is nothing wrong with your foot.
Tada miraculous recovery.
Sometimes kids need another adult to tell them something because their own parents are either too easy to manipulate or because they won't take advice from their own parents but they will take identical advice from a different adult.
I would give lots of tlc unrelated to injuries and wait for this stage to pass.

FranticFrummie

Sun, Mar 07 2021, 10:35 am

Another vote for anxiety.

It sounds like you're doing everything you can, and it's still not working, so it's time to try something else.

DD used to have terrible stomach aches, sore throats, and headaches, mysterious "sprains", and we even had her x-rayed a few times. There was never anything the doctors could figure out. She is also an only, and got 100% of my attention, so it was really confusing for me.

We found out later that it was anxiety and mild OCD, along with being a very sensory kid. She said that tags in her shirts felt like razor blades on her skin, so I guess every little bump felt like a much bigger thing to her.

Once she got into therapy and got on the right combination of meds and vitamins, everything cleared up. Now, when she feels the need for extra adult attention, she talks to her therapist, and it makes a huge difference.

amother

Navy

Sun, Mar 07 2021, 10:42 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You said she's an only child, and gets a lot of attention. But what kind of attention is she getting? Is it loving, caring and positive attention, or is it the no-nonsense kind, high expectations type of expectations. She may be acting out to get the 'take-care-of-me-kind of attention, where adults take care of her without any strings attached.

You say she keeps having legitimate injuries - are they legitimate, or were they purposely orchestrated to happen? If it's the latter, then they are not legitimate. She is using these injuries as a cry for something. Can you evaluate how your interactions with her change when she has an injury and when she doesn't? Are you more present, more engaging, more comforting, and stop once you think she's ok? If so, she'll continue to drag it out until the situation has been exhausted, when the doctor has confirmed that she's ok. She'll be good for a couple of days, and will then begin to plot her next injury for a repeat cycle.

It may very well be anxiety too, but the frequent injuries give me pause. If she's so anxious, wouldn't she be more careful in trying to avoid injuries that can possibly lead to serious harm?

If her injuries are legitimate, you should check her out for what's causing the frequencies of them. Does she have poor coordination or motor skills? Her frequent injuries can be causing the anxiety, where she's afraid that one bad fall can seriously harm her for life, and she's always terrified that the current injury may be the one.

Zehava

Sun, Mar 07 2021, 10:43 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Right, but can anyone help me figure out how to deal with a crying, screaming DD that insists I must take her because she's in so much pain?

I've told her that Mommy's know best and I don't feel an ER visit is necessary at this point so she screams and cries that it hurts her so much and I don't care etc.

What should I do?

You’re countering emotion with logic
She needs empathy and validation. Be there for her, listen, validate, rinse and repeat. Don’t tell her how to feel or not to cry.

Zehava

Sun, Mar 07 2021, 10:47 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I’d definitely go to an urgent care or have a hatzalah member check it out

amother

Vermilion

Sun, Mar 07 2021, 3:34 pm

Zehava wrote:

I’d definitely go to an urgent care or have a hatzalah member check it out

Me too. Even if it's nothing and it's anxiety, she's distressed. Anxiety is a real medical problem, as real as a broken bone. Pretending it's nothing doesn't help her.

amother

Sun, Mar 07 2021, 5:22 pm

Zehava wrote:

You’re countering emotion with logic
She needs empathy and validation. Be there for her, listen, validate, rinse and repeat. Don’t tell her how to feel or not to cry.

Where do you see me telling her not to cry or how to feel?

Of course I listened, validated and sat beside her while she rested it. I told her I think its sprained and said I'd give her pain meds, put a bandage and ice it—but she turned it all down.

amother

Sun, Mar 07 2021, 5:33 pm

Zehava wrote:

I’d definitely go to an urgent care or have a hatzalah member check it out

I did. I didn't mention that I was planning to go because I wanted to hear what others would do.
They x-rayed it and couldn't see anything. They agreed with my assumption and said we should follow RICE - rest, ice, compression and elevation, until the pain subsides.

amother

Green

Sun, Mar 07 2021, 8:00 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You need to be more assertive. Your niggling doubts are making her feel anxious. Being firm shows her that you know what you're talking about and is reassuring to her.

amother

Seagreen

Sun, Mar 07 2021, 8:36 pm

Falling off a table, id go to the doc if she says it hurts. Because you checked it out, and it was ok, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't have checked it out.

imasinger

Sun, Mar 07 2021, 9:38 pm

Sorry I didn't see this until now!

IMO...
In the moment, I'd be firm about the order of steps. "The doctor won't have enough good information until you've tried RICE plus ibuprofen/tylenol for at least half a day. See, here's where it says that's the proper treatment." (Do you have something in print or online she can look at?) "I'll be happy to take you if you're not feeling better. On our scale, that's a 3, so let's check for pain and mobility once an hour."

If she refuses to show you how much she's capable of moving, remind her that the doctor will need this information.

But now, hours later, I don't know what to tell you, or what you ended up doing.

sushilover

Sun, Mar 07 2021, 10:19 pm

Sounds like she has a need to know that you are taking her "ailments" seriously.
Have you ever tried alternative or complementary medicine?

Massages
Teas
Bach flower remedies (speak to medical professional, but most consider them harmless. Studies show that they reduce anxiety)
Meditation
Deep breathing

Talk about them to her as legitimate medical solutions and they just may help, even if it's a placebo effect. For a hurt wrist or ankle, you can try an ace bandage and see if that helps her feel like you are taking her seriously.

amother

Black

Sun, Mar 07 2021, 10:24 pm

My 11 yr old has an auto immune disease that causes her severe pain sometimes. She lives in fear of every tiny pain or scratch or fall.
The way she overreacted to everything made me feel so bad. I had less empathy bec assumed it was an over reaction. I stopped running to the dr so fast.

Recently she saw a therapist for anxiety specifically related to this and it helped so much.

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