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Do frum ppl not value having a "cute" home?
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 9:33 pm
I'm generalizing and generalizations aren't always true, but I've noticed that as a general rule the frum homes are way more messy and unkempt - both inside and out - as compared to non-jewish houses in the same neighborhood. this is true in pretty much every frum area I've visited.

if you accept the basic premise I'm generalizing, my question is why? why do frump ppl not value having a "cute" home.

my husband and I were discussing this, and we came up with various theories, mainly having to do with money and values, such as... frum families have more kids, and there's less time and money to spend on keeping the house looking cute... also having to pay for private schools for a bunch of kids as opposed to non-jews with 1-2 kids sending to public schools... or just generally, jews just value education or letting kids be kids and play as values as opposed to keeping your home in tip-top shape and making sure kids dont destroy things and getting upset if they do...

or maybe on a very basic level, frum jews viewing a home as a place to derive pleasure from family and community and torah, rather than as a place to derive aesthetic pleasure.

what do you think?
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amother
Vermilion


 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 9:34 pm
What neighborhoods are you referring to? Definitely not the frum neighborhoods I’m thinking of
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amother
Puce


 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 9:37 pm
Have you seen how non jews live in many parts of NYC? Definitely way more run down and unkemp as the jews. Same goes for the non jews in Monsey. They live many families in one messy unkempt dilapidated house.
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Fabulous




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 9:38 pm
Most frum families I know have many more children and less money in which to maintain a home.

Also, I know a lot of frum families that decorate their homes and take great care of their homes in and out (usually without young kids and/or a ton of help/$$)
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amother
Beige


 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 9:38 pm
I find the opposite to be true. I am a real estate broker and I find the Jewish homes to be way cleaner and more organized. Higher quality furniture and even our closets that are plain have nicer shelving. Less hoarding etc
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Zehava




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 9:39 pm
Huh what? Have you been to any Hungarian homes?
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amother
Forestgreen


 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 9:39 pm
What?
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amother
Wine


 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 9:39 pm
So interesting
I find the opposite

Most jewish homes I visit, the wife has put so much creativity and effort into making her home beautiful, like her own art peice. Beautiful different styles of furniture, wall art, professional pictures of kids around couch area, and just in general I love seeing people's houses to see how they decorated it.

Maybe I live in a completely different country than you but this is my experience
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amother
Bisque


 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 9:40 pm
Cute is an interesting word.
I would think the word would be orderly, well kept or neat.
Cute would connote possibly having cutesy knicknacks, slogans or other cool furnishings.
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amother
Linen


 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 9:44 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I'm generalizing and generalizations aren't always true, but I've noticed that as a general rule the frum homes are way more messy and unkempt - both inside and out - as compared to non-jewish houses in the same neighborhood. this is true in pretty much every frum area I've visited.

if you accept the basic premise I'm generalizing, my question is why? why do frump ppl not value having a "cute" home.



Is English your first language? Forget the generalizations or whether or not any of this is even true. I can't make out why you are saying "cute" as an opposite to messy and unkempt. I'm very confused.
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HeartyAppetite




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 9:47 pm
What neighborhoods are you referring to? Come visit the chassidish houses, most of our homes look like museums compared to the non Jews that live near us.
And we have lots of kids, and expenses.
And we’re not even talking about Hungarians. Hungarians wash their walls weekly, mop their floors every night, dust the chandeliers. Make sure the silver is polished very week.
Of course there are exceptions but you are definitely not talking about my community.


Last edited by HeartyAppetite on Sun, Mar 07 2021, 9:51 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Cerulean


 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 9:50 pm
What's a cute home???
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amother
Aqua


 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 9:55 pm
My home was adorable. Until I went from sif to suddenly having one baby after another every year. I can barely catch my breath now.

It had a hispter boho shabby chic vibe. When people came over they got comfortable and didn't want to leave.

Now I'm just waiting for them to grow up a little more before I fix it all up again.

And outside ... Forget about it. I don't really have a front lawn as there is a shrub line. I could never grow anything because I have so much shade. But now it's toys everywhere. BH when it's summer it's less noticable from the street. But it doesn't look like a house with kids. It looks like a house run by kids.

But everyone who comes here has a good time. They play. They read. They talk. They swing. They dance.

When the times comes for me to get everything back in order I'll do it. Until then we dance like no one's watching!
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amother
Green


 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 9:55 pm
HeartyAppetite wrote:
What neighborhoods are you referring to? Come visit the chassidish houses, most of our homes look like museums compared to the non Jews that live near us.
And we have lots of kids, and expenses.
And we’re not even talking about Hungarians. Hungarians wash their walls weekly, mop their floors every night, dust the chandeliers. Make sure the silver is polished very week.
Of course there are exceptions but you are definitely not talking about my community.


I think she means keeping the outside of the house neat and elegant, mowing the lawn, putting outdoor toys away, decor.
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amother
Babyblue


 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 9:59 pm
DH and I couldn't care less about having a "cute" home. We do the appropriate basic cleaning and maintenance, inside and out, or we pay someone to do it for us. But we don't bother with extra prettifying touches such as decorative landscaping and interior design stuff. The only art on our walls was made by our kids.

Neither of us grew up frum, this is just our nature. I suppose it's good for our shalom bayis that we're on the same page about this.
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SuperWify




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 9:59 pm
I don’t aspire to have a cute home.

I aspire to have a beautiful home.
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amother
Azure


 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 10:02 pm
I don’t know what you are referring to but I live in an area of Long Island that starting turning over frum around ten years. The Jewish homes are way nicer inside than the non Jewish homes. Everyone I know has a lawn service maintain their lawns in the spring and summer. Yes there may be bikes and scooters on the lawn during daylight hours.
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sushilover




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 10:02 pm
I don't value a cute home.
I value a clean home, an organized home (one day I'll get there! ), a functional and welcoming home. I like brown leather couches that are not stylish at all, but so comfortable and easy to clean. I like arts and crafts on the walls and bikes on the lawn and books, books, books, all over the house.
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gande




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 10:04 pm
I think op means that you can tell a Jewish house its predictable the way it will look. Not very personalized style. For example no outdoor or yard decor. House is uncluttered no knicknacks, nice sofa nice painting picture of kids and thats about it.
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amother
Floralwhite


 

Post Sun, Mar 07 2021, 10:06 pm
I used to wonder this, too, but I was always too scared to ask.
I put a lot of effort into making my house look magazine-worthy. My playroom is gorgeous, and there are tons of shelves and lots of storage. A lot of my furniture also doubles as storage. I put many cabinets into my kitchen, so nothing is on the counter.
I keep everything minimal on purpose- I don’t need a billion salad bowls or a ton of shoes. I don’t like breakfronts, so my dining room looks minimal and neat, too.
Every winter vacation and summer vacation I go through closets and donate clothes.
But I used to do EI in a different neighborhood where many of the families had a lot of people in too little space. No judgement, but that was their reality. So it makes sense that they would have “stuff” around. It works for them, so great.
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