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I've got several children with special needs. AMA
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Mar 11 2021, 9:24 pm
Bh I'm blessed with precious delicious children. Several of them have special needs, this includes a child on the spectrum- ASD/Behavioal issues and learning disabilities, ADHD taking medication, Down syndrome, medical condition.
Amongst many other big life challenges.
I've got lots of experience and might be of help to some people.

Ask away

*If I could be of help to you in any way, you would like to ask a personal question privately, you can email me at specialneedschildrenama@gmail.com
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amother




Plum
 

Post Thu, Mar 11 2021, 9:52 pm
Best method that helps kids with ADHD at a young age?
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amother




Cerise
 

Post Thu, Mar 11 2021, 9:56 pm
Do you think there’s some unifying factor to why all these disparate issues showed up in your family or just coincidence?
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imasinger




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Mar 11 2021, 10:00 pm
amother [ Cerise ] wrote:
Do you think there’s some unifying factor to why all these disparate issues showed up in your family or just coincidence?


Seriously?!

Are you expecting OP to say that she's being judged from on high or something?

Life is hard enough with multiple SN kids to ask that.

OP, what are some of your favorite ways to promote sibling harmony?
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amother




Cerulean
 

Post Thu, Mar 11 2021, 10:02 pm
imasinger wrote:
Seriously?!

Are you expecting OP to say that she's being judged from on high or something?

Life is hard enough with multiple SN kids to ask that.

OP, what are some of your favorite ways to promote sibling harmony?


I took it to be a polite way of asking if her children were adopted?
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Mar 11 2021, 10:03 pm
Best method that helps kids with ADHD at a young age?

Answer: Medication.

I've been against medicating my children for years and tried every natural alternative out there.

Nothing did much for the long term. We struggled through years of anguish and stress because 'I am not going to give meds ch"v.'

I came to my senses and gave in when the matzav was excruciating and I felt like the worst mother on earth, and I kept getting calls from their teachers and Rebbi's.

This was the smartest thing to do. Our relationship improved and they are thriving in school and yeshiva bh.
If they need it, give it to them. Otherwise you're depriving your child from having the full life that they and you deserve.
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silverlining3




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Mar 11 2021, 10:05 pm
You people get this is in the entertainment forum???? I'm confused now.
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Mar 11 2021, 10:07 pm
amother [ Cerulean ] wrote:
I took it to be a polite way of asking if her children were adopted?

They are not adopted. We are blessed to have given birth to those pure holy Neshomos and are trying our best to raise them well.

No one is guaranteed against it. Hashem chooses random people (not given to 'special people who know how to handle those 'holy neshomos').
Some families hide those facts while I am open about it, here on the anonymous forum.
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amother




Cerise
 

Post Thu, Mar 11 2021, 10:08 pm
imasinger wrote:
Seriously?!

Are you expecting OP to say that she's being judged from on high or something?

Life is hard enough with multiple SN kids to ask that.

OP, what are some of your favorite ways to promote sibling harmony?
Not at all. I meant like a biological factor.

Written as someone who has several special needs children as well, and I’m always looking for answers.
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amother




Rose
 

Post Thu, Mar 11 2021, 10:08 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Medication.

I've been against medicating my children for years and tried every natural alternative out there.

Nothing did much for the long term. We struggled through years of anguish and stress because 'I am not going to give meds ch"v.'

I came to my senses and gave in when the matzav was excruciating and I felt like the worst mother on eart, and I kept getting calls from their teachers and Rebbi's.

This was the smartest thing to do. Our relationship improved and they are thriving in school and yeshiva bh.
If they need it, give it to them. Otherwise youbsre depriving your child from having the full life that he and you deserve.


Wow. You must have gone through so much heartache, but wow to you for finding a way that works for your children.

(Our Rav, a prominent posek, told us don't ask a shaila--first try it for a month and see what it does for your child. Then come ask a shaila. Wise words.)
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Mar 11 2021, 10:10 pm
silverlining3 wrote:
You people get this is in the entertainment forum???? I'm confused now.

Yup, I did put it under this title because many others are not anonymous enabled.
I dont mind questions but I'd like to be able to help people with my answers rather than for curiosity.
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amother




Red
 

Post Thu, Mar 11 2021, 10:12 pm
As a fellow special needs mother I want to give you a big hug!! You are so strong!!! every kid is like raising 5 regular kids!! I am having a hard time finding the balance of wanting to be there and do everything for my child and taking help to avoid burnout. How do you juggle it all?
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Mar 11 2021, 10:13 pm
amother [ Rose ] wrote:
Wow. You must have gone through so much heartache, but wow to you for finding a way that works for your children.

(Our Rav, a prominent posek, told us don't ask a shaila--first try it for a month and see what it does for your child. Then come ask a shaila. Wise words.)

Smart Rav!!!

I've had conversations with people who are "against medication" because....
Well, if you've got kids with true ADHD on a serious level, you and the child will have a h-ll of a life without meds.
Sorry for being blunt. BTDT
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Mar 11 2021, 10:21 pm
amother [ Red ] wrote:
As a fellow special needs mother I want to give you a big hug!! You are so strong!!! every kid is like raising 5 regular kids!! I am having a hard time finding the balance of wanting to be there and do everything for my child and taking help to avoid burnout. How do you juggle it all?

Thanks so much for your hug, it feels nice and supportive.
Its a juggling act and many times a guilt trip, not knowing what the right thing to do is.
I am a person of ego and dignity. I never wanted to accept help, because I'm fine, I can manage on my own. I make sure to look perfectly put together, like my kids and walk around with a smile outdoors.
While I cope well bh, I learned the method of accepting any help (offers- close to none), so I ask for help. As well as allowing myself alot of ME time.
Thats the name of the game. You need help, ask for it, take it. Everyone will benefit from it. You, your DH, your children and the person who gives you the help. It's a true chesed to allow people to help you, it makes them too feel good.
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amother




Rose
 

Post Thu, Mar 11 2021, 10:21 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Smart Rav!!!

I've had conversations with people who are "against medication" because....
Well, if you've got kids with true ADHD on a serious level, you and the child will have a h-ll of a life without meds.
Sorry for being blunt. BTDT


Yes. I hear so many people who haven't a clue rail about how kids are being medicated right and left for no reason, just because they're kids, and BH so-and-so (insert name of a Gadol or lehavdil a famous hollywood person) wasn't born in this generation because he would have been medicated and wouldn't have become The Great So and So.

These people have no idea. None whatsoever.
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bigsis144




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Mar 11 2021, 10:26 pm
In light of all the BC threads, and I am not judging you - how did you feel confident enough in your parenting and circumstances to have more kids? What internal or external signs made it clear to you? How did you consciously decide, “I am managing well enough, throw another ball at me to juggle”?

Was it that challenges did not manifest until after the kids were older? (with Downs Syndrome, you know right away that things will be hard, but things like autism and ADHD might not be noticeable at first.)



(My kids are extremely difficult and I am pained that I may be done for good with three, as I can’t in good faith bring another child into my current home dynamic. Yet a part of me can’t help but compare myself to others, and beat myself up about it.

Though it’s good to hear you’ve seen success with medication. We are on that journey as well and I daven that we will find that something that will help unlock the good that I see beneath my kids’ violence and depression and defiance and impulsivity.)
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amother




Pumpkin
 

Post Thu, Mar 11 2021, 10:32 pm
Hi
I'm another mother dealing with a child with medical needs and one on the spectrum
Besides for other challenges....
I can't live with the guilt of how I took care of my children that need extra help and unintentionally neglected the ones I thought were doing "ok".....
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Mar 11 2021, 10:33 pm
amother [ Cerise ] wrote:
Not at all. I meant like a biological factor.

Written as someone who has several special needs children as well, and I’m always looking for answers.

Sorry I missed your post. I'm totally fine and don't feel like a rachmunas case at all bh.
Every person goes through different nisyonos in life, and this is part of our package. Bh HE gives us the kochos to handle it. Not always easy but my motto is: 'minute by minute'!
I just gave away my identity, because whoever knows me, will hear this quote.
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Mar 11 2021, 10:37 pm
amother [ Pumpkin ] wrote:
Hi
I'm another mother dealing with a child with medical needs and one on the spectrum
Besides for other challenges....
I can't live with the guilt of how I took care of my children that need extra help and unintentionally neglected the ones I thought were doing "ok".....

Guilt is a killer. Repeat this quote 21 times.
You did the best in that moment, With the energy and knowledge you had then. Hashem made you act the way you did because it was bashert for the other kids to go through what they went through. (This is what I heard from a big mechanach)
You learn from mistakes and try better next time.
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amother




Pumpkin
 

Post Thu, Mar 11 2021, 10:40 pm
Thank you
I guess I'm lacking in bitachon
But I feel like I caused the issues cropping up today!!
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