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I've got several children with special needs. AMA
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Jun 23 2021, 9:06 am
Another thing that's causing lots of stress is worrying about people and situations outside your circle.
If you cannot help the situation, let it fly away.
Do your utmost Hishtadlus and leave the rest up to Hashem.
Other people's Sholem Bayis issues, people in jail...
If you can help out, go ahead. Otherwise, don't let it take up space in your emotions.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 23 2021, 9:07 am
OP, can I be your friend? As a fellow mom of several SN kids, I've been enjoying and appreciating your responses.
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Jun 23 2021, 9:29 am
Oh Thank you!I appreciate your sweet comment..
You too seem to be such a sweet positive upbeat person.
You've always got a song on your lips!
Yes, I'd love to be your friend....
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amother
Daffodil


 

Post Wed, Jun 23 2021, 10:11 am
//Don't think about the future. No one knows what the future will bring. It won't help you in any way to worry.
Worry is just causing stress, but doesn't solve any issues.
If you live in the moment, you will be able to handle whatever Hashem sends your way.//

I'm also a mom to 2 children with special needs and significant learning disabilities. I respect you and find your posts to be amazingly refreshing. Having said that and truly truly meaning it, I wanted to take exception to this. I really think it is important to plan ahead and to the best of one's ability, try to anticipate future needs so that one is prepared and won't overburden others unfairly. Yes we have to trust that Hashem is in charge, but we also have to do what we can. That doesn't mean we can always know the right thing, but we still should try.
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Jun 23 2021, 10:17 am
You're very right, Thinking about the future and doing your hishtadlus, and make a plan to help in whichever way you can, is important.
Though it's very different than just worrying about how the future will work out.
Worrying about how they will not get married, or when I pass on, will not do any good for you now.
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Surrendered




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 23 2021, 1:49 pm
OP, you say take minute by minute. What happens when your behavioral child tandrums in public, how do you keep calm and focused?
How do you keep calm at home while he creates chaos and screams or makes a tandrum?
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Jun 23 2021, 1:58 pm
Surrendered wrote:
OP, you say take minute by minute. What happens when your behavioral child tandrums in public, how do you keep calm and focused?
How do you keep calm at home while he creates chaos and screams or makes a tandrum?

Ohhh, this is a very loaded question!
Kids tandruming in public can be so embarrassing.
First, I try to keep my cool (I like want to keep my ego and dignity in front of people) so I try to remain calm, but I try to emotionally tune out the people around. I try to think that he is Hashems child, and it's not about me, I try not to care what people think about me or him. (When I feel self conscious, I do tell people that he is on the spectrum).
I also realized that so many people deal with such children and everyone is embarrassed of the next one, thinking that they are the only ones dealing with such a kid.
At home, if it's just screaming or he wants to hit me or the other kids, I lock myself and the kids into a room or walk out of the house.
If he creates a chaotic mess in the house, either I leave the room or I call DH for help. I won't say I'm super human.
I won't say I am a genius and deal with every situation like a pro, or cool calm and collected. If I preach that, I would be lying.
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amother
Hawthorn


 

Post Tue, Jun 29 2021, 4:33 pm
How do you afford it all?
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Jun 29 2021, 5:09 pm
amother [ Hawthorn ] wrote:
How do you afford it all?

How do I afford what?
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amother
Natural


 

Post Tue, Jun 29 2021, 5:10 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
How do I afford what?


I assume she means the extra help and services, doctors appointments.
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Jun 29 2021, 5:24 pm
amother [ Natural ] wrote:
I assume she means the extra help and services, doctors appointments.

Children with special needs can qualify for government services and help. Though unfortunately I didn't take advantage to get help because it's difficult to find workers, the options are there.
Financially they don't cost much more because most of their expenses can be covered through government programs.
I Take minute by minute. That's how I cope.
Thanks for asking.
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amother
Apricot


 

Post Tue, Jun 29 2021, 8:01 pm
NY has a lot more funding and government services than elsewhere
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bruchie1




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 29 2021, 8:11 pm
yes I have a child who has a host of difficulty and I am trying to find help
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Jun 29 2021, 8:29 pm
bruchie1 wrote:
yes I have a child who has a host of difficulty and I am trying to find help

I only know about services available in NY.
Did you try applying for OPWDD (Office for People with development delays)?
If he won't qualify for OPWDD, try HCBS.
Anyone who has a minor issue like ADHD (or chronic medical condition) can be eligible.
You might be eligible to receive help with respite, comhab, FSS- Family Support, and more.
For more information on this, please PM me to above email address. (First post)
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amother
Hawthorn


 

Post Wed, Jun 30 2021, 11:59 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Children with special needs can qualify for government services and help. Though unfortunately I didn't take advantage to get help because it's difficult to find workers, the options are there.
Financially they don't cost much more because most of their expenses can be covered through government programs.
I Take minute by minute. That's how I cope.
Thanks for asking.

Programs yes. But if I want any out of the box therapies, out of state therapy, etc. more help than the allotted hours, its a fortune. I want to send my son to a private school since he will get better care there. I can easily spend 60k+ a year on him.
Dont you ever feel like you need to give them more than what insurance/programs offer? (I'm thinking specifically of your asd child) My child has so much potential if tapped into correctly.
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Jun 30 2021, 1:16 pm
Oh yes! You hit it on the nail.
I am sending my son to a private Yeshiva and it's costing us a fortune, it is not covered through any program.
It's a tough situation to navigate.
We don't have the means at all, but We do what we need to do.
Hashem gave us those special children and circumstances. Swiping credit cards and hoping Hashem will help us pay for it.
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amother
Hawthorn


 

Post Wed, Jun 30 2021, 1:32 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Oh yes! You hit it on the nail.
I am sending my son to a private Yeshiva and it's costing us a fortune, it is not covered through any program.
It's a tough situation to navigate.
We don't have the means at all, but We do what we need to do.
Hashem gave us those special children and circumstances. Swiping credit cards and hoping Hashem will help us pay for it.

Most people cant fathom how expensive it is to raise sn children. Oh I wish hashem would send them along with a constant cash flow....
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amother
Dill


 

Post Wed, Jun 30 2021, 3:57 pm
Hello,
Looking all over no luck,
Seeking a female therapist or Psychologist that works with adultescence.
Have extensive experience with Ocd
Social awareness time and space
Their is also a lot shut down
Anywhere in NYCITY Brooklyn
In person office no zoom or virtual
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bruchie1




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 30 2021, 3:58 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I only know about services available in NY.
Did you try applying for OPWDD (Office for People with development delays)?
If he won't qualify for OPWDD, try BCBA.
Anyone who has a minor issue like ADHD (or chronic medical condition) can be eligible.
You might be eligible to receive help with respite, comhab, FSS- Family Support, and more.
For more information on this, please PM me to above email address. (First post)


do you have numbers in ny city for me
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Oct 11 2021, 12:12 am
Hi 👋, I'm back!
...And ready to answer more of your questions.
ask away...
Throw a ball at me🤾‍♀️, what would you like to know?
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