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Ff article on alcohol addiction
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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 17 2021, 6:09 pm
Oh. And yes, I saw someone almost fall into a swimming pool on Shabbos because he was so drunk and lost his balance.

Alcoholism doesn’t discriminate. I personally have seen frum drunks on Shabbos. This is the norm for their wives and children and it’s a real rachmanus.
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professor




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 17 2021, 6:22 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Did anyone read it?? I was horrified.
I am wondering how common this really is. I dont think I've ever seen anyone get drunk on a regular Friday night or yom tov.


Can u link the magazine? I might still have it and want to read it too
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amother
Jade


 

Post Wed, Mar 17 2021, 6:55 pm
https://mishpacha.com/down-to-the-last-drop
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amother
Jade


 

Post Wed, Mar 17 2021, 6:56 pm
amother [ Jade ] wrote:
https://mishpacha.com/down-to-the-last-drop


personally I find it a bit shocking that people on this site are unaware of how prevalent this is.
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amother
Wine


 

Post Wed, Mar 17 2021, 6:58 pm
I am one of those who isn't blessed to be so naive. I did not read the article, so I can not comment on it.
But my husband is, unfortunately, one of those who can get drunk on a random shabbos. But of course, there's always a very valid reason.
If anyone has a hard time believing or needs more info, please feel free to ask, I will be glad to set the record straight.
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amother
Wine


 

Post Wed, Mar 17 2021, 7:35 pm
And now I did read the article. Although, I may not be such a clear-cut case , it was very enlightening. Thank you for posting.
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amother
Babyblue


 

Post Wed, Mar 24 2021, 6:45 pm
amother [ Jade ] wrote:
personally I find it a bit shocking that people on this site are unaware of how prevalent this is.

THank you for saying this.
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cnc




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 24 2021, 6:50 pm
amother [ Jade ] wrote:
personally I find it a bit shocking that people on this site are unaware of how prevalent this is.


Same here. As someone that works closely with the addiction population this article was a thousand percent believable and accurate. It was such a typical textbook story and I was very surprised to see posters even suggesting that any part of it is not believable . For people with experience, there was absolutely nothing shocking in that article.
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amother
Gray


 

Post Wed, Mar 24 2021, 7:47 pm
As a giyoress, I saw a lot of this in my former (Irish) community. I didn’t read the article but have a lot of experience with this issue as many relatives of mine have alcohol issues.
You’d be surprised who this affects. School teachers, social workers, even physicians.
There’s a strong genetic component to this disease. I am not sure how rabbanim are of this. A potential kallah would certainly need to know because it means her children could likely be predisposed to alcoholism.
Alcoholism can be managed if the person takes ownership of it. It cannot be cured though and the person lives day to day managing their sobriety.
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amother
Black


 

Post Thu, Apr 01 2021, 9:46 pm
cnc wrote:
Same here. As someone that works closely with the addiction population this article was a thousand percent believable and accurate. It was such a typical textbook story and I was very surprised to see posters even suggesting that any part of it is not believable . For people with experience, there was absolutely nothing shocking in that article.


The article was only too believeable. Having lived with an alcoholic husband it's amazing how acurate the article was.
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amother
Black


 

Post Thu, Apr 01 2021, 9:57 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Maybe I need to read it again, but I don't recall anyone suggesting divorce. In fact, I felt that everyone was dismissing her concerns.

What bothered me is that she went along with his drinking and never said a word. Um..I think if I saw my husband getting drunk every Friday night I would literally pour the wine down the drain. I would confiscate the bottles and get professional help in dealing with it. I would not host bachurim. I think I would feel an acharyus to tell the yeshiva or the boys' parents. I would not be so meek. It sounds very unrealistic that she just stood by.

It also sounds unrealistic that this husband was open with her while dating that he had this issue in the past but has now been sober for a long time, but then boom- the first week after sheva brachos he was getting drunk.

I dont know anything about addiction but I would think it would take a crisis or stressful exper3ioce to get a sober man to go back to the bottle.

Having said that, I did not get the impression that the story was a composite of people. Truth is stranger than fiction and I do think it could have all happened to one person.

What did they mean with marks on the baby? I'm kind of naive, but I cant imagine what that means. Bite marks? Black and blue marks?


No offense meant, but until you live it, you can't understand.
Pouring the wine down the drain? He will only get more.
You could get yourself proffessinal help, but you can't force him to get help if he doesn't want it.
As for getting drunk so soon after the wedding, all it takes is 1 drink. Once started it's hard to stop. So if someone used wine instead of grape juice for sheva brachos.....thats all it takes to get caught up again.
A person stays sober 1 day at a time. The need for alcohol will always be there.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Apr 01 2021, 10:07 pm
amother [ Black ] wrote:
No offense meant, but until you live it, you can't understand.
Pouring the wine down the drain? He will only get more.
You could get yourself proffessinal help, but you can't force him to get help if he doesn't want it.
As for getting drunk so soon after the wedding, all it takes is 1 drink. Once started it's hard to stop. So if someone used wine instead of grape juice for sheva brachos.....thats all it takes to get caught up again.
A person stays sober 1 day at a time. The need for alcohol will always be there.


You're right. BH I have no experience at all. This is a very scary topic for me and one I can't understand.

There is a girl I have been very close to since we were in 9th grade in Bais Yaakov. She was a star in every way, top student and all around great BY girl. Very frum family, both parents in chinuch, wonderful dedicated loving people. At some point after seminary, she started to change. We still kept up every now and then. One day she called to tell me she was pregnant. Unbeknownst to me, she had been suffering from addictions for many years, and this is where it led her. Today she is a single mom in recovery BH.
I can't understand how it happens. But I do see that addictions can really mess with a person's brain.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Apr 01 2021, 10:15 pm
amother [ Jade ] wrote:
personally I find it a bit shocking that people on this site are unaware of how prevalent this is.


Why is it shocking? You only know what you see around you, or what you are exposed to.

No one in my immediate family drinks. No one in my husband's family drinks. I am not aware of any of my friends husbands who drink.
Yes, my next door neighbor is a recovering alcoholic, and my sil's father was an alcoholic who eventually died from complications.

But I dont know anyone like the protaganist- a young bochur/avreich who is an alcoholic.

Now I know it exists. Before I was unaware.
Sorry if my naivete is hurtful to anyone. Its unintentional.
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amother
Lawngreen


 

Post Thu, Apr 01 2021, 10:17 pm
my frum, normal looking father is a newly sober alcoholic. He said in AA meeting he sees tons of Jews.
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amother
Rose


 

Post Thu, Apr 01 2021, 10:20 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
You're right. BH I have no experience at all. This is a very scary topic for me and one I can't understand.

There is a girl I have been very close to since we were in 9th grade in Bais Yaakov. She was a star in every way, top student and all around great BY girl. Very frum family, both parents in chinuch, wonderful dedicated loving people. At some point after seminary, she started to change. We still kept up every now and then. One day she called to tell me she was pregnant. Unbeknownst to me, she had been suffering from addictions for many years, and this is where it led her. Today she is a single mom in recovery BH.
I can't understand how it happens. But I do see that addictions can really mess with a person's brain.

Years ago I read a novel called Rachel's Holiday by Marian Keyes. The author based it on her own personal experience with alcoholism, rehab, becoming sober and has been very open in subsequent articles and interviews. It gave me a glimmer of understanding and empathy. She became addicted to alcohol with her very first drink at 16. The poster who mentioned the genetic component makes a good point btw-- taking that first drink triggered the gene. Now that she's sober for probably 25 years at this point, she still can't take even a sip of alcohol or she will relapse. It's a part of her brain chemistry.
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amother
Honeydew


 

Post Thu, Apr 01 2021, 10:24 pm
I didn't read the full article, I think I just started.. But it's a very real thing.. Addictions are horrible. And it's degrading for the wife as well. Unfortunately I know too well about addictions and turned a blind eye because I was embarrassed and didn't know how to deal with it. In my community I know a handful of guys who have drinking problems and I'm sure there are many more with other addictions as well. It's really sad.
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