How to React to Accidents

avrahamama

Wed, Mar 17 2021, 6:59 pm

It's not from laziness. So probably a good idea to first realize children aren't lazy. They might be distracted with what they're doing and not want to stop but they're not lazy.

I tell the child to go get changed and put the dirty clothes in the laundry while I clean the mess. That's it. Nothing else. As little emotion one way or another. It's an accident but it can be easily fixed. Sometimes I'll ask for help fetching paper towels and spray. And then just end with remember pee and poop go in the toilet.

amother

Cerulean

Wed, Mar 17 2021, 7:09 pm

I followed the book "toilet training in less than a day".
During the initial training, show strong disapproval of the action, but not of the child. You have to make that separation. For example, "It is very ichy to pee in our underwear. Big girls only pee on the toilet. Mommy is so sad that you peed in your underwear". Not, "you are not a baby, or Mommy is upset at you".
Be firm, straight to the point and unemotional. Also, make the child take off his/her wet pants and clean up after himself.
If you give a treat for going on the toilet you can also mention "Yaakov is not going to get a treat now because he didn't go on the toilet.

If this constantly happens you may want to take a break from training and start again using a different method.
My child is trained for a few weeks already and he still sometimes doesn't make it in time... it's normal (At least that's what I tell myself Laugh

)

amother

Lemon

Wed, Mar 17 2021, 7:28 pm

An accident is exactly that. An accident.

Positive reinforcement.
Charts to encourage good behavior.

And good for you that you're working to make this adjustment!! Most people just continue what they do, evaluating and changing is a big deal and you should be really proud of yourself!

amother

Wine

Wed, Mar 17 2021, 8:01 pm

I know that the oh ***** potty training book says to show disappointment. I did that once and I really didn't like the feeling. For an accident while potty training what I did is say oyy quickly and then say ok let's clean it up to show that it really doesn't matter but not in the way that is saying oh who cares. Then give them a towel to help you clean it -not as a punishment just matter of factly. Then give them tons of praise when they do make in the toilet. If they're old enough to understand then do a star chart or a treat when they do go. They will associate going to the toilet with positive praise and reward. There's no reason for them to want to continue peeing on the floor. They don't get any gain from it, it's uncomfortable on their legs and they see other bog people going to the toilet.

I happen to not be ALL positivity as it's hard to do and also sometimes a kid needs to hear no thats not Okay! But I really don't see any benefit to making a kid feel bad for peeing on the floor

mommy3b2c

Wed, Mar 17 2021, 8:03 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

OK but how do you react to an accident during potty training and afterwards from laziness let's say?

“Oh no. You had an accident. Every one makes mistakes. That’s ok. Let’s go change into dry clothes. Next time let’s try to remember.” All said calmly and gently in a sweet , soft voice.”

amother

Wine

Wed, Mar 17 2021, 8:10 pm

If it's from laziness, in other words busy playing and not in the mood to go to the toilet then my daughter had a hard time with that. What helped was her starting school where they have set times when they go so it's more routine and doesn't seem like oh I'm not in the mood to go right now. That helped her at home but from that I would say to make a set time. The morahs also gave out toilet stickers for going to the bathroom so I copied that and did it at home as an instant reward. I made a bag of stickers and told her it's time to go and then you chose a sticker. Finally she got the hang of it and went by herself and no longer asked for a sticker.
She still will occasionally not go so ill tell her the rule is you go when I tell u and you go when you come home from school. When I make it into a rule she listens and gets into the habit to go herself.

amother

Jade

Wed, Mar 17 2021, 8:17 pm

“Pee/poop goes in the toilet. I know sometimes you forget to go/don’t want to go but having accidents makes you feel wet/dirty. Let’s make sure to go to go the bathroom before the pee/poop can’t wait anymore.” Be neutral, understanding of the child but mildly disapproving of the action. Rinse and repeat. If the child seems remorseful/sad/bad about it I try to be more empathetic, and will say “sometimes it’s really hard to get to the bathroom in time, right? Tomorrow we’ll try again.”

Much easier said than done TMI

but that’s the ideal, to me.

causemommysaid

Wed, Mar 17 2021, 9:04 pm

I barely react to accidents.

Kid has an accident. Oh ok. Go change.

If they are old enough I ask them to bring the clorox wipes on their way.

I'm sorry you were hit for something so normal as a toddler.

sushilover

Wed, Mar 17 2021, 9:59 pm

A ton of positive reinforcements when he uses the potty and/or stays dry.

When he doesn't make it, I say "Oops. Remember to use the potty next time! " and have child help me clean the floor. If the accident was because of laziness, he'll quickly learn that it's easier to just use the potty than have to change and clean up.

keym

Wed, Mar 17 2021, 10:06 pm

I do differentiate between accidents that happen on the way to the toilet and totally passive "lazy" accidents.
If the kid was on his way to the bathroom or in the bathroom pulling down their pants, I praise for a good try, or good listening to instincts, and then I do the cleaning.
If the accident is while the kid is totally engrossed in something or refusing to use the bathroom, I'll change him and then hand him a clorox wipe and we'll both clean.

dovebird

Wed, Mar 17 2021, 10:14 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

OK but how do you react to an accident during potty training and afterwards from laziness let's say?

Don’t react or shame. I would just causally shower dd, change her, and wipe up mess. And give her a hug and tell her I love her. (Because it’s embarrassing for them too, and they aren’t doing it because they are “lazy”.) And yes, the accidents stopped eventually.

amother

Ecru

Wed, Mar 17 2021, 10:18 pm

And just sticking it in there because maybe with your family culture you wouldn’t think of it this way- but if they don’t stop eventually, there’s usually a reason. Not because they really could and just don’t care.

And amother: Kudos to you for trying something else! So heartwarming. ❤️ Kol hakavod.

amother

cornflower

Wed, Mar 17 2021, 10:29 pm

amother [ Cerulean ] wrote:

)

Please don’t tell your toddler that they made you sad for something they can barely control. What an emotional burden for them to carry. I’ve never ever heard of hitting or shaming a child for having an accident and my heart is breaking for these poor children.

amother

Slateblue

Wed, Mar 17 2021, 10:35 pm

My first few kids I trained when they were younger (started at 2) and I was much younger and dumber Smile

ok, not THAT much younger! Oldest is 11.5
I never hit, but probably screamed in frustration. Like, "AAAAH!!!! Yankel, I can't believe you made another accident!!!"

More recent kids, it's like, "Mommy, I made an accident."
"Ok, go change your clothes!" : )

Nothing upsetting or stressful. Make sure you have 10 pairs of underwear and lots of socks/pants/tights...

My current 4yo had started making accidents more frequently, too busy playing.
We ran out of underwear Can't Believe It

...

Kudos to the OP for trying to change a bad habit. You are amazing!

I think you have to work on your own self talk:
It's not so bad. It's not the end of the world. It's a little annoying.

I'm not perfect. I'm embarrassed to say I still sometimes when my kids spill something huge and messy. I'm reacting from anger, not a good place