Working and no cleaning help

amother

Fri, Mar 19 2021, 1:21 pm

This is just a vent and please chime in to give chizuk.

I feel like I’m the only one who works has younger kids who don’t help much and no cleaning help and making full Pesach.

I know logically I’m not the only one. But I’m just so exhausted and overwhelmed. If you work and have no outside help or much help from kids and are making pesach. please post

amother

Forestgreen

Fri, Mar 19 2021, 1:27 pm

I work and have no cleaning help.
I do have older kids who sometimes help, but it's not always helpful.
I sympathize with you.
I talk to my neighbors and I feel like a freak. It's unheard of to work 9-3 up until Erev Pesach, have no cleaning help and survive.
We'll make it.
Maybe I'll be more tired. Maybe we'll eat more basic. Maybe my house won't be gleaming.
But we'll make it.

amother

Tan

Fri, Mar 19 2021, 1:31 pm

We are making Pesach with no cleaning help this year. We haven't had cleaners since COVID started. My oldest is 7, so no major help there.

It's not as bad as it sounds, at least not for me. DH is doing most of the work. And we are not hosting anywhere near the 20+ people that we do in a normal year. No guests at all for first seder, and then only 4 adults and 2 kids for second seder. Also, I am working remotely, so I can get a little bit done here and there during the day that I normally wouldn't be able to.

One part that is challenging this year is the timing of Pesach. March 31 is the deadline for a bunch of extra deliverables in my line of work. So I won't be taking any time off at all before the start. It is much easier for me when Pesach begins in April.

amother

Ecru

Fri, Mar 19 2021, 1:36 pm

I work with two preschool kids. Moved a couple months ago from Brooklyn to Monsey area and have been desperate for cleaning help with no luck so far. Both our parents live in city and neither can host us this year so we are making this entire yt here on our own.... I actually HATE HATE HATE to clean. My worst household task. It's tough but I am doing minimal cleaning only what is specifically required halachically... Tho honestly I have no idea how will get to yt without at least two all nighters to finish up last min stuff and get some cooking done.... Oh well I guess it's a good thing we can all get to nap on erev this year

amother

Azure

Fri, Mar 19 2021, 1:43 pm

Working morning afternoon and evening with a toddler and no cleaning help.

I'm cooking but not for all meals, were being invited for sedarim and some other days. So I'm not working as hard as you probably are...

thunderstorm

Fri, Mar 19 2021, 1:45 pm

Same here. I work full time and have no cleaning help and uncooperative teens and a toddler. I just got home from work and the house is flying. They were all home and nobody lifted a finger. I get really upset that they don’t help. But if I keep being angry I will suffer mentally and physically. So I try with all my might to let go. I won’t lie, I did give them a piece of my mind when I walked in the door.

amother

Aquamarine

Fri, Mar 19 2021, 1:49 pm

Working mom, no cleaning help, with little kids here, including a toddler that I get home, after work, together with.

My main focus is the dining room and kitchen, which I can't start too early. I'm hoping to get it done between motza shabs and Sunday, with the help of my husband. Other than that, I do every night one or 2 things. Some nights nothing. Whatever gets done that's not a must is a bonus.

My kids, although they don't help very much, they have their times that they're in the mood, or I make them in the mood (think! Bribing with a treat). They're actually making now their room pesach'dig. They took off their linen. I gave them rags to clean beds, and then they'll sweep under beds. They feel like big girls-they're 2. I love when their mood kicks in. Lol

amother

Emerald

Fri, Mar 19 2021, 1:51 pm

If you are working can’t you get a little cleaning help? Cut back on something else. Help for a full time working mother making an entire yt is an absolute must! Please try and ask around or call some agencies

amother

Fri, Mar 19 2021, 1:51 pm

Thanks for all the replies

It helps to know I’m not the only one.

Bh I’m up to the kitchen but my oven is not self clean so it’s a huge parsha. And between changing linen washing floors cleaning bathrooms plus turning over kitchen while working I just want to cry

amother

Fri, Mar 19 2021, 1:52 pm

amother [ Emerald ] wrote:

I work part time. For different reasons I can’t leave a worker in my house while I’m not here. Also being that I can’t afford one I would only take one that I know is good and not risk an agency

little neshamala

Fri, Mar 19 2021, 1:54 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

OP youre not alone.
I work a 40 hour week, right up until erev yom tov. I have young kids, and no cleaning help.
It can be very very very very hard. But, if you plan ahead and come up with a good system, it can also be quite smooth.

Things that make it doable for me-

I make sure the kids and myself have pesach wardrobes by purim. I work on kt the 2 weeks before purim. As soon as purim is over, I begin pesach cooking. I get girls clothes mainly on shain.com (free returns and dirt cheap) and recently ive found beautiful kids shoes on amazon. Really nice, look nice and "in" but so much cheaper.

I turn over my kitchen right after purim and slowly cook in a relaxed manner, every afternoon/night.
I make some chametz suppers frozen in advance, in individual portions, for the kids to eat in the makeshift chametz kitchen area. (Microwavable. Like meatballs, pasta, shnitzle). Lots of frozen pizza and chicken nuggest, sandwiches etc.

Also, I only empty 3 easy cabinets in my kitchen to hold ingredients and disposable dishes etc. I sell everything else and just use lots of disposable dishes. Real dishes go on temporary shelving I bring up for pesach.

As far as cleaning- I've always done what my Rav told me to. Besides the kitchen eating area, literally just searching for pieces of chametz, not crumbs. The rooms are so easy. Remove all clothes from drawer, look for pieces of chametz, leave crumbs, put things back. Look under mattresses and beds, move dresser, look and move it back. No cleaning what is obviously not there. No organizing, no spring cleaning. Not at this time of year. We do that another time.
Pesach cleaning is a very easy, quick, doable task in our house.

Anything thats too difficult to search through just gets sold off before removing the necessary items. (Like I take out a few coats from coat closet and put in everyones rooms, because that closet has too many other things to go through)

The kids help as much as they can (not that much as theyre still elementary age) but I encourage them inatead of kicking them out of the house because
1) I think its good chinuch for them to get used to being helpful
2) its not such a shock to their system as theyre pretty used to cleaning according to their chores in general because we dont have a cleaning lady year round
3) youd be surprised -even 3 sloppily peeled potatos can make a difference.

I hope this helps!
Good luck

amother

Fri, Mar 19 2021, 3:19 pm

So Bh I have my systems and I’m
Not worried about the work getting
Done.

It’s more the resentment that I need to get past.

I don’t want to have to wash all this floors Change the linen clean the bathrooms and then do all the pesaxh work.

It helps to know I’m not alone

amother

Powderblue

Fri, Mar 19 2021, 3:35 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

Same here. If I ask for help my teen say that im in a bad mood and want to know why im yelling at them. I get the same response when I text them.

amother

Burgundy

Fri, Mar 19 2021, 4:56 pm

I have CFS, generally no cleaning help, a couple of kids, don't work but hold down the fort. This is what I realized, we all have diff amount of strength, help from spouse, difficulty of kids. As long as you aren't getting sick it's hard but it's ok.

amother

Brunette

Fri, Mar 19 2021, 5:05 pm

When I was a divorced mother with little kids (3 under the age of 4), I had to work full-time to make ends meet and I certainly couldn't afford any cleaning help. But as my kids got old enough, I taught them to do whatever cleaning was possible at their ages. That training sure came in handy for them as adults!

amother

Linen

Fri, Mar 19 2021, 5:32 pm

Work from 9-4, my oldest is 7. No cleaning help. Making Pesach but not cooking much - going out most meals.

I only clean for Pesach, no organizing or spring cleaning. This year I'm selling the playroom because it'll be too difficult go get to it. We'll anyhow be buying new toys for YT.

I don't like stressing out over Pesach so I intentionally don't join any discussions involving cleaning help, where people are up to, whether they polished their chandeliers and walls, and how many kugels are already in their freezer. Minimizes the pressure somewhat.

little neshamala

Fri, Mar 19 2021, 6:36 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Hmmm. I guess my post was too practical lol.
What helps me not feel resentful is remembering that BH I have a family to cook for, a house to clean etc...

And really OP, you are very much NOT alone. So many women work. And dont have cleaning help. I left work early one day and went to main monsey for some errands and was so taken aback at all the women leisurely shmoozing over coffee etc and I really started feeling resentful. "Am I the only one who works?? None of these women work??"
Then, the next day I was back at work, and I took a look at all the other frum women that I work with (a lot). And I remembered-oh, right, there are lots of women who go to work. Just like me. And its ok.

amother

Sat, Mar 20 2021, 10:07 pm

little neshamala wrote:

Thanks for this. I think I’m
Going to Print it out and hang it on my fridge to get me through the week

ladYdI

Sat, Mar 20 2021, 10:46 pm

Hugs to all of you with no help!!
I’d rather go with no new clothing or no meat but pay for cleaning help.
I got a bonus from work and am using it all on cleaning help.

amother

Blue

Sat, Mar 20 2021, 10:50 pm

Work full time, little kids and no cleaning help. I already got rid of chametz. It's tough, but you can get through it. Each day do one room, after they sleep, don't try to do anything while they are awake because then it drags on.