Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Fashion and Beauty
Help me feel better about what I did... Or is this nuts?
Previous  1  2  3  Next



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
Wheat


 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 7:31 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:

I don’t feel bad about asking her if she wants to pay part of the cost, though obviously it would have been better if I had a clearer sense of what things cost earlier on and we would have had a plan beforehand. But when I asked her we could have still gone back and looked at cheaper options. She didn’t want to. I consider this part imperfect parenting but not terrible. And I know she doesn’t mind, possibly she feels proud of herself for contributing.
I agree with this! It sounds like you did the right thing.
I disagree that you HAD to pay that amount. I got some nice gold earrings on Etsy that cost less (us) but it sounds as though you needed them in a rush and she was determined to wear those. Under the circumstances I think you got the best outcome you could hope for.
Back to top

librarygirl




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 7:33 am
Gold is insanely expensive. I doubt they are very ostentatious for 145. Iyh she will enjoy them for many years to come.
Back to top

salt




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 7:44 am
We have all made over-expensive spur of the moment purchases which we kind of regret afterwards, at some point.
Sometimes spending the extra money and finishing the job is more worth it, than fishing round at other shops, coming back another day, etc

I don't know if I would have asked her to share the cost, but I might explain to her that the earrings ended up being much more expensive that you had envisioned, and that it may have to be instead of something-or-other else that you might have bought, eg. included in her next birthday present, instead of new clothes for chag, I don't know. (Not in a punishment kind of way, just in a that's-how-it-is way)
She sounds like she likes the earrings enough not to mind, and it will teach her the value of money.
Back to top

FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 8:01 am
salt wrote:
We have all made over-expensive spur of the moment purchases which we kind of regret afterwards, at some point.
Sometimes spending the extra money and finishing the job is more worth it, than fishing round at other shops, coming back another day, etc

I don't know if I would have asked her to share the cost, but I might explain to her that the earrings ended up being much more expensive that you had envisioned, and that it may have to be instead of something-or-other else that you might have bought, eg. included in her next birthday present, instead of new clothes for chag, I don't know. (Not in a punishment kind of way, just in a that's-how-it-is way)
She sounds like she likes the earrings enough not to mind, and it will teach her the value of money.


Are you talking to me? Hiding

So things didn't turn out exactly as planned. B'H you could afford it, and it was something she actually NEEDED. Try not to give it another thought. She should enjoy them in good health.
Back to top

amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 8:17 am
Omg - are you me?? The exact same thing happened to me 2 years ago - minus the crying baby, and it was in the US. My daughter was 8. It was her birthday present - but we agreed she would pay the difference, using all her money. Looking back, best decision ever - and she agrees!! We put clear nail polish over the clasps of the hoops, so they don't open accidentally. She still loves them and wears them all the time. I'm so relieved that she finally figured it out. I'm actually the same way - no posts, bigger earlobes need bigger hoops, and I've tried everything else - gold plated, titanium, hypoallergenic, lower quality gold, you name it - but this only is what works.

Happy that I came across this post - so you can hopefully relax and have the same future with your daughter and earrings that we did.
Back to top

mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 8:35 am
Give her back the money. That is just not right. You made a mistake, that’s fine. Now fix it. The mistake wasn’t buying the earrings, the mistake is making her pay for them.
Back to top

amother
Burlywood


 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 8:44 am
It sounds like you made her chip in to assuage your guilt. I don't think that's chinuch.
Had you said that no matter the cost you would ask her to chip in because that's what you believe is correct then maybe I'd understand, but now it was only after you felt bad splurging you're making her pick up the pieces...
Back to top

causemommysaid




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 8:46 am
I buy my baby girls 14k gold.

It's a medical thing. Why would I go cheap on something that is causing infections?

Of course you bought the right thing.

Maybe this is an Israeli versus American thing but I wouldn't even be thinking twice about this. Ok so you spent a couple dollars more than you would have. So what? She liked them, you found what you needed, you didn't need to go to another store right before pesach. It's all good.

I also think you should give her back the 60 shekel.

Oh and she's little. She might lose the earrings. Don't make her feel bad if she does.
Back to top

Reality




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 8:55 am
Every child has something that you need to spend more then average. For one kid it can be jewelry because of sensitive skin. For another it can be clothes because they aren't an easy fit. Yet another child it can be school related because of learning ability or behavior.

You get my point. This daughter needed this more expensive item and let it go. Don't eat yourself up that you made a big mistake.

I'm not so sure about asking her to chip in unless you really can't afford it.
Back to top

seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 11:47 am
I would let it go simply because while it feels insane at the moment, it will disappear into history really fast. No matter how stressful $145 is in your life, in the scope of life it's a drop in the bucket (and I have been there). You don't want to use that attitude proactively to spend more, but you're a healthy spender in general so you can calm yourself retrospectively. Regarding the kid I would just impress upon her that they are special, she should appreciate them, and she's gotta do everything she can not to lose them! She isn't the one who made the decision and she should not have to pay for your regret. If you find something that works as well within your budget, then you can discuss putting these away for when she's older.
Back to top

sima




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 2:13 pm
I would say enjoy and let your daughter enjoy!! You don't sound frivolous and I'm sure you are teaching your daughter valuable lessons about money otherwise. Look at it as a special (yomtov) splurge or gift.
Back to top

Blessing1




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 2:21 pm
$145 for real earrings is not that expensive. Many kids can only wear real earrings. It's really not right or fair of a parent to take money from an 8 year old child without giving them much of a choice in the matter. It's not her fault that you didn't pre think the purchase and that you didn't buy it with a clear head. You cannot take advantage of a child. Especially a child that doesn't fully understand the value of money. That's just not right. I don't know why you think it's proper chinuch to take money from an 8 year old to pay for your mistake.
Back to top

amother
Scarlet


 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 5:05 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I am not sure if this is the right forum, but here it goes...

My daughter had issues with her ear piercings since we did it a year and a half ago. She's now 8. She was getting constant irritations/infections/eczema (not sure for sure whether infections or eczema, I thought infection but doctor said eczema) and I realized that part of the problem is that the earrings were tight on her. She has thicker earlobes than average. I suspected also sensitivity to non-gold materials. All background for why I told her I will buy her new gold earrings. She described the style she wanted, not studs, and I said okay.

Finally, yesterday the day came. I took her to a jewelry stand I had passed in the mall that I had previously ascertained sold 24k gold earrings. The price range they had told me was 200 to 400 shekels. I didn't think much about it. But when we described the style she wanted and started to look at those, the first thing we were shown was 580 shekel. I was taken aback and we asked to see other options... Eventually we found one that she loved that was 480 shekel ($145 equivalent). This was still a lot more than I assumed we'd pay! But then again I should have realized that non-stud options would be more than studs... I was with my baby also who was crying, and: I bought them for her. She is completely over the moon with them. They're gorgeous but like--they're real jewelry. They're something I'd buy for myself. They are not "kid earrings."

I am kicking myself for not doing more research prior. Also, for not having the presence of mind to take a step back, say we will take some time to think about it and come back another day... For not at least trying the gold-plated before believing/assuming only solid gold would do. For maybe researching the best place to buy earrings for a kid instead of just showing up at the first place I saw, pretty much.

For not just, right then, asking to take the earrings out of her ears so we could think about it... Instead the earrings stayed in her ears and somehow psychologically the only way seemed to be to go ahead and pay for them.

Afterwards, for chinuch purposes, I asked her if she wants to pay the difference between the studs and the earrings she has--and she was completely willing to. But in practice only had about 70 shekel of her own from Chanukah gelt. I told her she can contribute 60 shekel. And anyway, I played it completely wrong. Because I didn't actually have a clear sense when we went in for how much earrings SHOULD cost, or show her her options clearly. It was only afterwards that I asked if she is willing to contribute her own money. So I feel like I flubbed this.

Anyway:

Please tell me I'm not an idiot? That it makes some sense that I got these for her?

They are very good and comfortable earrings that I know she will keep in her ears for a long time now without issues. And they are gorgeous (though I'm not sure if this is a plus or not... Is it kind of crazy and ostentatious that this little kid has these gorgeous earrings?)

I don't know, someone please tell me this is normal.

We are not wealthy, but nothing bad will happen because I bought these... And I didn't spend a lot of other money recently on her clothes. I think that's part of why I have such sticker shock now--everything else I've bough her recently has been cheap.

Okay, help please!!!


Best mum ever!!👍👍
It's a beautiful present and you were so right to buy it!!
Back to top

DVOM




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 6:38 pm
You overspent a bit on a purchase you could have done more research on and gotten a better deal on. That's ok. Happens to all of us! Sounds like between your baby crying and your daughters obvious joy and excitement, you didn't have the headspace to rational and methodical about this. No major harm done!

What I don't quite understand is asking your daughter to contribute to the cost of her gift after the fact. Had this been something you discussed in advance, I think it would make plenty of sense. I often share with my kids my budget for a certain purchase (20$ limit on a chanukah or ofikomon present, let's say) and give them the option of adding they're own money to it if they want something more expensive. But if you didn't discuss this beforehand, didn't discuss it in the store ('sweetie, these earrings are more expensive than I anticipated. If you really want them, I'm going to need you to contribute to the cost'), walked out with the earrings and only after the fact told her she'd need to help pay for it? I don't think that's fair. I'm not sure what you were trying to teach.

Imagine someone taking you to buy a gift, letting you choose what you like, and after walking out of the store telling you that your going to need to chip in for it. A family member did this to me once. It's not a good feeling. In my case, I doubt I would have made the purchase if I knew what I was going to be expected to spend on it. At that point though, what choice did I have? I would give your daughter back her money.
Back to top

chestnut




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 6:54 pm
She's your oldest, eh? I can totally see and hear myself in your question, down to asking my child to contribute after the fact lol
You're a great mother! You can tell your daughter it's her Yom tov present and give her back her contribution. She should wear them in good health and bring you tons of nachas!
Back to top

amother
Burgundy


 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 7:29 pm
Echoing everyone else that it’s really not right to take all of her money for the earrings.
Back to top

Laiya




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 9:37 pm
OP, from a chinuch perspective, I think it's good to give random, unearned gifts once in a while. Random gifts help create a core belief that sometimes in life, good things happen unexpectedly.

It's also good for your relationship. Unexpected gifts convey the feeling that you love her regardless of whether or not she earned it.

Agree with the other posters regarding her chipping in. At this point, I would consider telling dd you thought it over, you very much appreciate her willingness to chip in and her concern for your finances, but that you decided that the earrings are a gift. Just because.
Back to top

mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 9:48 pm
Laiya wrote:
OP, from a chinuch perspective, I think it's good to give random, unearned gifts once in a while. Random gifts help create a core belief that sometimes in life, good things happen unexpectedly.

It's also good for your relationship. Unexpected gifts convey the feeling that you love her regardless of whether or not she earned it.

Agree with the other posters regarding her chipping in. At this point, I would consider telling dd you thought it over, you very much appreciate her willingness to chip in and her concern for your finances, but that you decided that the earrings are a gift. Just because.


All of this.

I find that on this site somehow mothers seem to think that children should never get anything unless its absolutely necessary. What’s wrong with getting your child a gift just because you love them? I get my kids almost everything they ask for and they are not “spoiled.” They are secure in their knowledge that their mother gets them what they want because she loves them and wants them to be happy. They also know that they are very blessed and they know that sometimes they will not get what they want. I’m not saying my way is the only way or even that it’s the right way and I know it’s not realistic for everyone, but please ladies, there’s a happy medium...
Back to top

lamplighter




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 9:52 pm
I don't understand what the chinuch value you're pursuing by asking a 6 year old to give all her savings for money you chose to spend. Unless it was discussed in advance or you really couldn't afford it.

If it was more than you wanted to spend, it happens to the best of us, may she enjoy them in good health
Back to top

amother
Jade


 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 10:00 pm
Chiming in on the value part of it, I still wear the gold earrings I got when I was 5! I also react to anything other than gold, so I never really bought myself other earrings, and anyway, I like these- comfortable and classy.
Back to top
Page 2 of 3 Previous  1  2  3  Next Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Fashion and Beauty

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Don’t feel like me in tichels 3 Fri, Mar 22 2024, 10:48 am View last post
Looking for cheap chocolate/nuts mm in bulk :)
by amother
2 Mon, Mar 18 2024, 11:52 am View last post
What made you feel old today?
by mommyla
78 Thu, Mar 14 2024, 3:55 pm View last post
WHOLE ROASTED FISH WITH RAISINS AND PINE NUTS 2 Thu, Mar 14 2024, 1:20 pm View last post
[ Poll ] Poll-How do you really feel about Purim
by amother
33 Thu, Feb 29 2024, 11:22 am View last post