Help me feel better about what I did... Or is this nuts?

amother

Tue, Mar 23 2021, 12:50 am

I want to thank each and every one of you for your feedback!!

With the passage of time and with reading everyone's responses, I got over my sticker shock. BH my daughter continues to be thrilled with the earrings, they are gorgeous on her, and it is great to have this "settled" after the year plus of infections that were really hard on her. They look comfortable and fit right on her ears.

Now I am just left with--oops, yeah. I wish I had given it to her as a special gift to start with. She is perfectly happy having paid. I don't think she sees it as being guilted. But then again--I don't know for sure. Maybe somewhere deep inside this diminished her joy or sense of being loved.

And practically speaking of course she WAS manipulated? Of course she does what I suggest, she's a kid and eager to please.

The reason I say that letting her pay was for chinuch was because practically speaking it is not going to make a difference to her "budget" so to speak. She doesn't usually keep track of her money or use it, and the only thing she mentioned she wants to do with her own money, which is to buy a treat with her sister after school, we left her enough of a buffer to do. So it was more symbolic, showing that she really values these earrings and is not taking them for granted, that she has a sense of their value. (I hope I am remembering and explaining this right... I want to get this down quick but may come back and add or edit.)

Over the course of the day yesterday I came to the conclusion in my mind that I wanted to give the money back to her.

And write her a card or something to make some sort of formal "gift giving" aspect to this since the earrings basically were paid for in this rushed way while already in her ears without much ceremony!

I started working on the card, but my husband says if I give her money back at this point, it will just confuse her since she is perfectly happy... Help? I feel like I just keep creating complications every which way I turn.

trixx

Tue, Mar 23 2021, 2:01 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Ofc she has no sense of money, she's a kid. You have to teach it to her

"you know what dd I've been thinking about it and I actually want you to have the earrings as a special present from ima. I want you to spend your own money on other things for yourself / invest some of it / save for when you're older so I'm going to put it back into your bank account for you. And here is a card that I am giving you bc the earrings were a present!" (I would skip the card unless you feel it makes sense)

amother

Dodgerblue

Tue, Mar 23 2021, 8:25 am

I feel like I'm somewhat qualified to respond to your concerns - as I've been there, done that. (See my previous post).
Paying for part of the earrings will:
1) help teach her the value of money 2) help teach her the value of the earrings/all jewelry. 3) give her a sense of achrayus to take care of the earrings. 4) feel mature to have been a part of the decision.

Btw, I asked my own daughter for her thoughts just now - she's now almost 11! She is very happy about it. She remembered feeling slightly concerned about her then empty wallet, but the new earrings were much to exciting - and easily over-powered that. She also said that it is the only thing she remembers using her money for (she's bought various chatchkas over the years). And has no feelings of resentment whatsoever.

amother

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 7:31 am

trixx wrote:

Thanks for your wording here, this was the last message I saw before I gave her her money etc. and it helped me figure out what to say/how to explain it.

amother

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 7:33 am

amother [ Dodgerblue ] wrote:

You know I wouldn't have done what I did to start with, but b'dieved... I feel kind of like we got all those benefits due to the way things went down.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience! The whole episode was a learning experience for me.

amother

Smokey

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 8:58 am

There's a lot of overthinking in your posts. As an over-thinker myself, this is something that stands out to me in your posts. Sometimes overthinking gets in the way of clear & obvious answers to uncomplicated questions.

I have an allergy to non-gold earrings. So does my 8 year old daughter. Obviously, we can only wear gold. You don't give dairy to a kid allergic to dairy, you don't give non-gold earrings to a kid allergic to non-gold.

24K gold earrings? Nah. 14K is perfect for most people.

As for studs vs other earrings, I am so sensitive to earrings that I avoid earrings, even gold earrings, with tight posts in the back, and instead purchase earrings that have euro-wire closures which provide more breathing space for my ears. So I'm glad you didn't buy studs for your daughter.

I'm happy that you didn't make her pay for it. An allergy is nobody's fault. She should not have to suffer through infections & reactions that she has no control over. Personally, my 8 year old got an infection from non-gold earrings last year and her holes closed up from it. These were the earrings that came with the piercing, so they were surgical steel. They were fine in her ears for like six months and then she reacted to them. It makes sense because I myself can only wear gold, and only gold with euro-wires, and these were surgical steel with posts.

She was kind of relieved because she hated the whole situation with the infection. I would only buy gold for her going forward when she is ready to re-pierce.

Enjoy the earrings.