Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Relationships -> Giving Gifts
Should I not ask what they want
1  2  Next



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 1:15 pm
I’m going to a relative for pesach and asked twice already what we can get her as a gift. She’s well off so she doesn’t need my financial contributions. I gave quite a few ideas I had and said I want to get something she’d find useful and appreciate. First time she said she’d think about it and second time she didn’t even answer me. Is there something wrong with what I’m doing? Should I not be asking and just buy something random?
Back to top

ShishKabob




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 1:16 pm
If she didn't answer you, then just get something nice for her. Good luck! I hope that it finds favor in her eyes! Enjoy your Yom Tov!
Back to top

amother
Slategray


 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 1:19 pm
I never ask. Nor do I answer when I’m asked; makes me too uncomfortable. Just get here anything. It’s the thought that counts
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 1:22 pm
amother [ Slategray ] wrote:
I never ask. Nor do I answer when I’m asked; makes me too uncomfortable. Just get here anything. It’s the thought that counts


I didn’t ask “what do you want”? I gave specific ideas She always tells me what to bring when I come but I can’t cook this time.
Back to top

singleagain




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 1:52 pm
Disclaimer voice to text

some people don't like to have to tell you what to give as a gift because then they feel like it doesn't have the same meaning and honestly I think that's a little bit ridiculous but that's how people feel

Is there anything that this person likes wants needs I often say that these are good ideas if there's anything that you have noticed maybe that she could use a new one of or an extra of

perhaps. She likes a certain I don't know perhaps she really likes baking and you can get something related to that

The other option I would think could you just like buy a fancy dessert or something like that maybe some fresh fruit

Another option would maybe be to just pick one and ask her can I bring x and try engage her response obviously get as much visual audio input as you can with that Don't do that over a text necessarily because you won't see the body nonverbal reactions
Back to top

4g01o




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 1:53 pm
I hate it when people ask me what I want. Get her a tablecloth or something similar with a gift receipt so she can exchange.
Back to top

amother
Pumpkin


 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 1:55 pm
Its better to just bring whatever you feel like giving.

I did this with someone who helps me out. I gave her ideas and asked which one of those she would appreciate. She said she'll think about it but She didn't respond.
The next time I asked her, she said that she wouldn't appreciate any of this choice. She'd rather want... she said some new expensive recipe book, that is way more than my budget I planned for.
I ended up giving her a complete different idea within my price range, and the feedback I got from her was that she was so excited to receive it. Its a perfect gift she enjoys...
Back to top

amother
Purple


 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 2:06 pm
I love when people give me options.
I would not want an open ended question as I would not want to ask for something above the price point nor would I want to send them on a goose chase.
Asking means I can get something I want and not a smosie(-whatever it was on the other thread-new word to me, as is the idea of Purim gifts / $ for teachers). I do hate when people spend money on something I don’t want and have no use for. I feel bad that they spent money and it just is a waste.
If you said to me, I would love to get you a gift. I am going to Central Ave. Do you want a serving piece or salt shakers from the gift store, fruit from The Fruit Basket, or a board game for the kids?
My response: so sweet and totally not necessary, we are looking forward to your company. Her appropriate responses -I am getting you something anyway, tell me what you want or I will get you something you don’t want. Me: salt shakers would be amazing. I really could use a new set. Thank you.
Back to top

agreer




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 2:08 pm
Fab4 wrote:
I hate it when people ask me what I want. Get her a tablecloth or something similar with a gift receipt so she can exchange.


Totally agree. I understand why people ask - because they want to make their money worthwhile.

However, I find it so gauche. Don't ask, just give.

Also... I'm of the opinion that no one minds cash. Not even rich people. (Especially not rich people!) So a gift card (to a store, amazon, or just a pre-loaded Visa) is always a safe gift.
Back to top

amother
Hotpink


 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 2:09 pm
agreer wrote:
Totally agree. I understand why people ask - because they want to make their money worthwhile.

However, I find it so gauche. Don't ask, just give.

Also... I'm of the opinion that no one minds cash. Not even rich people. (Especially not rich people!) So a gift card (to a store, amazon, or just a pre-loaded Visa) is always a safe gift.


I think rich people would rather nice flowers than cash/gift card.
Back to top

amother
Aquamarine


 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 2:13 pm
Just get her flowers. With a vase if you want to spend more.
Back to top

4g01o




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 2:14 pm
amother [ Purple ] wrote:
I love when people give me options.
I would not want an open ended question as I would not want to ask for something above the price point nor would I want to send them on a goose chase.
Asking means I can get something I want and not a smosie(-whatever it was on the other thread-new word to me, as is the idea of Purim gifts / $ for teachers). I do hate when people spend money on something I don’t want and have no use for. I feel bad that they spent money and it just is a waste.
If you said to me, I would love to get you a gift. I am going to Central Ave. Do you want a serving piece or salt shakers from the gift store, fruit from The Fruit Basket, or a board game for the kids?
My response: so sweet and totally not necessary, we are looking forward to your company. Her appropriate responses -I am getting you something anyway, tell me what you want or I will get you something you don’t want. Me: salt shakers would be amazing. I really could use a new set. Thank you.


🤣 The word is shmontzes 🤣
Back to top

4g01o




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 2:15 pm
Yep I agree with flowers!
Back to top

amother
Purple


 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 2:15 pm
Fab4 wrote:
🤣 The word is shmontzes 🤣

As I said, I am not from that world.
Back to top

4g01o




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 2:17 pm
amother [ Purple ] wrote:
As I said, I am not from that world.


Nor am I but I'm from England and all frum yidden from here know the word. Anyway thanks for the laugh, too funny 🤣

Agree with your post, if the conversation would play out like this, it's perfect.
Back to top

amother
Purple


 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 2:19 pm
agreer wrote:
Totally agree. I understand why people ask - because they want to make their money worthwhile.

However, I find it so gauche. Don't ask, just give.

Also... I'm of the opinion that no one minds cash. Not even rich people. (Especially not rich people!) So a gift card (to a store, amazon, or just a pre-loaded Visa) is always a safe gift.


I find it the opposite of gouche. I find it very thoughtful.
As opposed to regifting whatever someone else brought to you last or whatever you found on sale when you were in a particular store anyway. It is a lot more work to ask, and a lot more considerate.
Back to top

amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 2:20 pm
It's very thoughtful of you to ask what she wants, but asking puts the onus on the recipient. What if I ask you for something that's too expensive or inconvenient for you to get? What if you offer four choices and I don't like any of them?

For Pesach, you can't go wrong with wine, a nice haggadah or even a serving dish. (Nice quality, no shmontzes! Very Happy ) All of these can be regifted if she really doesn't like them.
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 2:30 pm
amother [ Dodgerblue ] wrote:
It's very thoughtful of you to ask what she wants, but asking puts the onus on the recipient. What if I ask you for something that's too expensive or inconvenient for you to get? What if you offer four choices and I don't like any of them?

For Pesach, you can't go wrong with wine, a nice haggadah or even a serving dish. (Nice quality, no shmontzes! Very Happy ) All of these can be regifted if she really doesn't like them.

Again, I didn’t ask as an open ended question. I gave ideas of things I think she would like and appreciate and kind of asked her to choose and if not, she could give me other ideas. She’s the type who likes being given options.
Back to top

amother
Purple


 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 2:50 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Again, I didn’t ask as an open ended question. I gave ideas of things I think she would like and appreciate and kind of asked her to choose and if not, she could give me other ideas. She’s the type who likes being given options.

I don’t know why she didn’t answer. I have no advice.
Back to top

Fabulous




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 2:55 pm
I would get her whatever you want with a gift receipt. That’s what I do
Back to top
Page 1 of 2 1  2  Next Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Relationships -> Giving Gifts