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Working mom vs SAHM
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amother
Orange


 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 8:51 pm
amother [ Cobalt ] wrote:
I assumed this set up was everyone’s dreM lol


Not mine! I’m at SAHM (with little kids who are not in school) and I’m living my dream Smile I detest working
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amother
Yellow


 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 9:07 pm
Currently a sahm, and pregnant with a baby at home and several in preschool and elementary school.

The last two years that I stayed at home to care for my babies were the hardest years of life as a mother. Being a SAHM I also decided that hiring help was wasteful. So I really hurt myself by having high expectations and being physically unable to attain them. We chose to live simpler so that I can be home with the kids. Working or not we were struggling financially. At least now I'm home to look after everyone instead of constantly scrambling for child care. We live oot and there is no playgroup, daycare, or babysitting co-ops.

Also my kids aren't dressed tip top trendy . A. Because $$$ B. Because that's not my interest.

Wherever you are that's where you are supposed to be. It's not greener anywhere.
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amother
Taupe


 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 9:08 pm
While it’s hard for both it is untrue to think that SAHMs have time to be cleaning for pesach all day.
Right now I’m home but I have no time to cook or clean during the day since I’m watching my toddler. SAHMs don’t have time to do whatever they want all day they’re doing what you pay a babysitter to do for the entire day (if your kids aren’t in school/ young kids) ..
If your talking about SAHMS whose kids are in school all day then that is more like a house wife and not a SAHM
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silverlining3




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 9:11 pm
amother [ Taupe ] wrote:
While it’s hard for both it is untrue to think that SAHMs have time to be cleaning for pesach all day.
Right now I’m home but I have no time to cook or clean during the day since I’m watching my toddler. SAHMs don’t have time to do whatever they want all day they’re doing what you pay a babysitter to do for the entire day (if your kids aren’t in school/ young kids) ..
If your talking about SAHMS whose kids are in school all day then that is more like a house wife and not a SAHM


Very well said.
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amother
Green


 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 9:16 pm
During my time off during the summer, (when I am essentially a SAHM for 3 months) it seems like everything takes much longer. Like a trip to the grocery store becomes a day's activity. And loads of laundry happen all day. And cooking/cleaning for shabbos happens all of Thursday and Friday. I manage to fill my time very easily.

I am always left wondering how I earth I manage during the school year. You do what you gotta do I suppose.
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amother
Linen


 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 9:40 pm
amother [ Purple ] wrote:
um I'm a working mom and my day also starts when the kids are in bed....why does working allow you to start household chores earlier in the day?


The point is that SAHM with young children at hone don’t have all the time in the world to prepare for Pesach.
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 10:26 pm
SAHMs also sometimes feel more pressure to do more because not working, so feel need to contribute by saving money by doing extra housework self instead of cleaning lady, not having babysitting babies or toddlers at home for some much needed me time, finding grocery sales, making home cooked meals instead of any takeout, making kids lunches instead of paying for school lunch, ironing husband's shirts instead of sending out, etc, etc. Someone working and earning would probably find it easier to spend, because after all are earning money.
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 10:27 pm
amother [ Cerise ] wrote:
SAHMs also sometimes feel more pressure to do more because not working, so feel need to contribute by saving money by doing extra housework self instead of cleaning lady, not having babysitting babies or toddlers at home for some much needed me time, finding grocery sales, making home cooked meals instead of any takeout, making kids lunches instead of paying for school lunch, ironing husband's shirts instead of sending out, etc, etc. Someone working and earning would probably find it easier to spend, because after all are earning money.


Not necessarily. Many women that work do so because they can't afford basics or tuition otherwise.
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amother
Purple


 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 10:32 pm
amother [ Cerise ] wrote:
SAHMs also sometimes feel more pressure to do more because not working, so feel need to contribute by saving money by doing extra housework self instead of cleaning lady, not having babysitting babies or toddlers at home for some much needed me time, finding grocery sales, making home cooked meals instead of any takeout, making kids lunches instead of paying for school lunch, ironing husband's shirts instead of sending out, etc, etc. Someone working and earning would probably find it easier to spend, because after all are earning money.


Nope not my case, or many of my working friends. I have zero cleaning help. I have zero "me time" because I get home from work the same time as my kids get home. I don't outsource any household chores such as cooking or ironing.

The women I know who are SAHM's are actually wealthier than the women I know who work. They can afford to be SAHMs because their husbands's have high incomes.
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amother
Yellow


 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 10:42 pm
amother [ Purple ] wrote:
Nope not my case, or many of my working friends. I have zero cleaning help. I have zero "me time" because I get home from work the same time as my kids get home. I don't outsource any household chores such as cooking or ironing.

The women I know who are SAHM's are actually wealthier than the women I know who work. They can afford to be SAHMs because their husbands's have high incomes.


That's nice. So maybe OP and the rest of us would like to just be wealthy SAHMs. lol

But the bulk of us are just making do with what we have, whether it's working or staying home or working from home. And none of it is easy.
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 10:47 pm
amother [ Purple ] wrote:
Nope not my case, or many of my working friends. I have zero cleaning help. I have zero "me time" because I get home from work the same time as my kids get home. I don't outsource any household chores such as cooking or ironing.

The women I know who are SAHM's are actually wealthier than the women I know who work. They can afford to be SAHMs because their husbands's have high incomes.


In my experience, wealthier wives like to work for the social aspect. They're bored at home. Many women that are a SAHM commit to live on a lower standard so they should be able to be home with the kids. BH we can afford for me to be home but we're not wealthy by far. We're really living very frugally.
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amother
Purple


 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 10:52 pm
amother [ Dodgerblue ] wrote:
In my experience, wealthier wives like to work for the social aspect. They're bored at home. Many women that are a SAHM commit to live on a lower standard so they should be able to be home with the kids. BH we can afford for me to be home but we're not wealthy by far. We're really living very frugally.


I understand that not all SAHM's are wealthy. I never said that. I said that the SAHMS I know (and admittedly I know very very few) are on the wealthier side, and that is why they can afford to be sahms.

I find it strange that people assume that all working moms are wealthy enough to afford cleaning help, takeout etc. I live very very frugally as well. Tiny apartment, old car, no vacations, hand me down clothing etc

I hate working, and I don't get any fulfillment from my job. I loved the few months last year when schools were closed and I was a SAHM. It was amazing to have a whole day to get household chores done and not have to first start it all at 4 pm when I am exhausted after a days work
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shaqued_almond




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 11:29 pm
I'm a sahm and my 3 boys (all under 6) are always with me. We're homeschooling and if I'm not actively sitting next to them, they will either make a mess or break something. I spend about 1-3 hours every day on cleaning /organizing so the house is livable but still we need cleaning help once a week. I haven't slept through the night in 2.5 years and nobody naps. Some things I cleaned for pesach I need to do multiple times. When I have free time (only at night) I sometimes write because I enjoy it. I used to do some freelance writing and web design at night too but it became too much. I think if the house is occupied for longer hours it gets messier. I'm glad I don't have to work on top of it. I'm not complaining, I'm just trying to explain that just because someone is home doesn't mean she has vastly more time. I'm constantly busy, Baruch hashem. Anyway I don't think it's healthy to pit sahms against working moms. Many women fluctuate between the two. The age (and number) of children also has a big influence on what you can and cannot do. Imo we need to support each other with kind words and advice.
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amother
Cobalt


 

Post Mon, Mar 22 2021, 11:46 pm
amother [ Taupe ] wrote:
While it’s hard for both it is untrue to think that SAHMs have time to be cleaning for pesach all day.
Right now I’m home but I have no time to cook or clean during the day since I’m watching my toddler. SAHMs don’t have time to do whatever they want all day they’re doing what you pay a babysitter to do for the entire day (if your kids aren’t in school/ young kids) ..
If your talking about SAHMS whose kids are in school all day then that is more like a house wife and not a SAHM

Love the differentiations. I’ve been all 3, working mom, SAHM and housewife. When I didn’t have kids I was in school. (So true about the sahm doing whatever the babysitter does. I get one hour or so of quiet time when she naps.)
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imaima




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 23 2021, 1:56 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
To all those stay at home moms that are jealous or upset they didn’t get a chance at building a career, don’t be!

Try preparing for Y”T. While working full plus overtime, taking care of kids or the house or anything for that matter...
I actually look back and think wouldn’t it have been simpler not to go down this route?!

Walk the streets, cleaning, cooking in advance and trying to dress the kids tip top. Matching socks headbands and most up to date clothes. I just wonder how much calmer life would’ve been.

Just venting. Wonder what you guys think!


You probably wouldn't have had the money for that...
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amother
Slateblue


 

Post Tue, Mar 23 2021, 8:57 am
I also find that the house gets much messier when I’m home with the little ones all day. So that alone creates more work too.
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ora_43




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 23 2021, 9:08 am
So so glad to be working so I can pay someone else to do some of the cleaning.

And no, not because working makes me rich and I can afford all the cleaning help I want... I pay the cleaner slightly more per hour than I make per hour. Still worth it. I'd rather work for 3 hours doing something I'm actually mostly good at, than clean for 2.

(actually, it probably comes out about even, cause he's faster at cleaning than I am.)

I have today off for elections and went in to work for a few hours anyway. I'm going to use the money to buy pizza, so that I don't have to cook, either.

To each their own, and I can definitely understand, on a theoretical "in an ideal world, in which I wasn't a complete disaster at housework" kind of level, why being a SAHM could be easier.

And I have fairly flexible hours, so I have it easier than a lot of working parents in that sense.

But for me - I'm so, so glad to have paid work this week. Erev Pesach makes me appreciate my job like few things ever do.
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saw50st8




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 23 2021, 10:10 am
OP, I can empathize how hard it is to be a full time working mom. No matter what is going on, you have two full sets of responsibilities with limited time to fulfil them. When my third was born, I took an extended maternity leave (9 months). I found it so much easier to take care of my home responsibilities with a 3 year old, 1.5 year old and a newborn without the added burden of a full time job (mentally and physically).

I don't think that it really helps to compare your situation to others. It's hard for you and that is ok. You feel like you can't do everything that you want to do. Don't compare yourself to others. Do the best that you can do and if it isn't the picture perfect prep that you'd prefer, come to peace with it.
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amother
Green


 

Post Tue, Mar 23 2021, 10:45 am
ora_43 wrote:
So so glad to be working so I can pay someone else to do some of the cleaning.

And no, not because working makes me rich and I can afford all the cleaning help I want... I pay the cleaner slightly more per hour than I make per hour. Still worth it. I'd rather work for 3 hours doing something I'm actually mostly good at, than clean for 2.

(actually, it probably comes out about even, cause he's faster at cleaning than I am.)

I have today off for elections and went in to work for a few hours anyway. I'm going to use the money to buy pizza, so that I don't have to cook, either.

To each their own, and I can definitely understand, on a theoretical "in an ideal world, in which I wasn't a complete disaster at housework" kind of level, why being a SAHM could be easier.

And I have fairly flexible hours, so I have it easier than a lot of working parents in that sense.

But for me - I'm so, so glad to have paid work this week. Erev Pesach makes me appreciate my job like few things ever do.


This sounds great but in reality many people work because they need to buy regular groceries, or pay their rent/mortgage/utilities or buy their children new underwear. Between myself and my husband's income, we don't have enough to start allocating "my working money" for things that would be helpful or make my life easier. It totally stinks but alas, this is life.
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ora_43




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 23 2021, 11:04 am
amother [ Green ] wrote:
This sounds great but in reality many people work because they need to buy regular groceries, or pay their rent/mortgage/utilities or buy their children new underwear. Between myself and my husband's income, we don't have enough to start allocating "my working money" for things that would be helpful or make my life easier. It totally stinks but alas, this is life.

I also work to pay for groceries. But if I weren't working at all, I still wouldn't have a paycheck to help cover the mortgage, and I'd have to do all the cleaning alone.


Last edited by ora_43 on Tue, Mar 23 2021, 3:23 pm; edited 1 time in total
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