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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 6:34 am
Didn't want to derail that other beautiful thread. But not all of us were so blessed.

Was it when my 14 yo had a fit in the afternoon before Seder because I let my partially OTD kid eat ketchup with a lower hechsher than we normally use (as an attempt to make it easier for him to not go out and eat real chametz on Pesach), and he was still complaining about it after Maariv? Or perhaps when said 14 year old sat at the Seder table pretending to be disabled (like his brother), screaming 'I don't wanna have a Seder, I don't wanna have a seder'? Maybe it was when DH starting reading some random thing that he thought was interesting, but clearly no one else did, and he was ignoring all my cues to leave it and push on, until Otd guy, who had been cooperating nicely until that point, muttered loudly 'nobody cares, this is so f$&#-!-& boring'.
Or perhaps when DH yelled at me in front of everyone for singing vhisheamda too fast? Or perhaps it was when the otd kid had enough of the father and the 14 yo and screamed 'shut the f#&+ up' and left the Seder, saying he was going to go to work the next day (whereas previously he was going to take a day off). Or perhaps it was when the autistic teen who had been in the dining room but was clearly oblivious to what was going on said "why is the the second cup. I never had a first cup", and had a mini meltdown about that. Maybe it was when the child who was helping me in the kitchen dropped an entire tray of schnitzel on the floor? Or maybe it was my literally falling asleep at the table after benching because I'm always the one who does everything and I was just soooo tired? I wonder if this Seder was the worst Seder that has ever been made.
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amother




Red
 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 6:36 am
Oh my I'm so sorry Hug
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amother




Violet
 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 6:44 am
I'm so sorry for your pain
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amother




Babypink
 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 6:54 am
So sorry. My worst part was when my kids used this family time as an opportunity to vent out all their fears of never getting married. I have several.kids struggling in shidduchim.
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amother




Slategray
 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 7:42 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Didn't want to derail that other beautiful thread. But not all of us were so blessed.

Was it when my 14 yo had a fit in the afternoon before Seder because I let my partially OTD kid eat ketchup with a lower hechsher than we normally use (as an attempt to make it easier for him to not go out and eat real chametz on Pesach), and he was still complaining about it after Maariv? Or perhaps when said 14 year old sat at the Seder table pretending to be disabled (like his brother), screaming 'I don't wanna have a Seder, I don't wanna have a seder'? Maybe it was when DH starting reading some random thing that he thought was interesting, but clearly no one else did, and he was ignoring all my cues to leave it and push on, until Otd guy, who had been cooperating nicely until that point, muttered loudly 'nobody cares, this is so f$&#-!-& boring'.
Or perhaps when DH yelled at me in front of everyone for singing vhisheamda too fast? Or perhaps it was when the otd kid had enough of the father and the 14 yo and screamed 'shut the f#&+ up' and left the Seder, saying he was going to go to work the next day (whereas previously he was going to take a day off). Or perhaps it was when the autistic teen who had been in the dining room but was clearly oblivious to what was going on said "why is the the second cup. I never had a first cup", and had a mini meltdown about that. Maybe it was when the child who was helping me in the kitchen dropped an entire tray of schnitzel on the floor? Or maybe it was my literally falling asleep at the table after benching because I'm always the one who does everything and I was just soooo tired? I wonder if this Seder was the worst Seder that has ever been made.


I am so sorry for your pain. You have a lot on your plate. Way too much pain and hardship. May you witness Hashem's rachmanus in your personal life very soon.
As an aside, as the mother of a special needs dc too, I humbly suggest that you please make sure your 14 year old gets professional help in dealing with the multiple challenges he's caught between.
Lots of hugs! May today look brighter!
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amother




Silver
 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 7:54 am
So sorry, OP. Please don’t think that everyone else has these picture-perfect sedarim. You are far from alone.
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watergirl




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 8:00 am
amother [ Silver ] wrote:
So sorry, OP. Please don’t think that everyone else has these picture-perfect sedarim. You are far from alone.

This. Picture perfect sedarim are things of fiction from the glossy magazines and heimish novels. I would love to see for once a true account of a seder that most of us can relate to. Do some of us have the perfect seder some of the time? Sure. Every year? Always? In a family of 15, all sitting around the table, if 14 of them feel it was perfect, I promise you, one person will be silently crying. Nothing is perfect for everyone each time.

Hugs, OP. I know this is so hard for you. I am davening that your situation improves.
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amother




Cerulean
 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 9:52 am
Ouch that sounds hard. My DS 16 read at his on pace which was super duper fast. Dont think he even said the while hagada. Also he was fighting with the younger ones, making them cry. At least my annoying bil wasnt there this year to antagonize everyone.
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 10:03 am
Thanks for the hugs. Not sure why a collection of anonymous hugs should mean so much, but they do. Writing this out was quite telling actually, as I had thought it was pretty bad already, but feel it's even worse when I saw it written it all out like this. This was our second Seder, with no guests. Ironically, our first Seder with Grandparents and cousins was as near to perfect as could be imagined. Deliberately faster than I would have preferred (to ensure non religious extended family remained engaged), but No Drama Whatsoever. Maybe I gave myself an ayin hara by being quietly proud of it.
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amother




Lemon
 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 10:06 am
My worst part of the seder was not having a seder at all. I sat in the ER all night with my parent, starving, terrified and traumatized.
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 10:10 am
amother [ Lemon ] wrote:
My worst part of the seder was not having a seder at all. I sat in the ER all night with my parent, starving, terrified and traumatized.


I'm so sorry. How is your parent now? Hugs to you.
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amother




Pearl
 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 10:11 am
My kids argued the e n t I r e seder.
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professor




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 10:20 am
watergirl wrote:
This. Picture perfect sedarim are things of fiction from the glossy magazines and heimish novels. I would love to see for once a true account of a seder that most of us can relate to. Do some of us have the perfect seder some of the time? Sure. Every year? Always? In a family of 15, all sitting around the table, if 14 of them feel it was perfect, I promise you, one person will be silently crying. Nothing is perfect for everyone each time.

Hugs, OP. I know this is so hard for you. I am davening that your situation improves.


Great post, and so true
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amother




Ecru
 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 10:26 am
My brother was off his ADHD meds because they contain chametz. Much fun was had by all!
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amother




Emerald
 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 10:30 am
I'm so sorry! We had a stressful shabbos because my son needed urgent medical treatment but bh we managed to avoid going to hospital and spending seder night there* for which I am very grateful. With thanks to our non Jewish pharmacist and GP who was really helpful.

Sounds like a tricky family dynamic OP, I hope it gets better.



*been there done that with the same kid!
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amother




Amber
 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 10:34 am
My possibly OTD kid refused to come to the seder at all. Stayed upstairs in room on phone, with earbuds and sound high to drown out our singing.

And it is so hard, when all the kids have been through so much this past year, for any one to tolerate any issues that are too in-your-face or intrusive from another kid. I also have a kid who didn't deal so well with this, though as hard as it was for me and dh for the sibling not to be at the table, it was likely easier for this kid.

As for second seders... we all work do hard for that first one. Your kids and dh were all likely on their best behavior for the first, because they still had the fortitude and people were watching. The second night there can be so much less strength.
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amother




Lemon
 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 10:45 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I'm so sorry. How is your parent now? Hugs to you.


You are the sweetest for asking. He was diagnosed with corona, and was given an infusion. He is now back home with us. Still sick but much better.
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amother




Maroon
 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 11:37 am
My husband made a seder in the hospital at my son's bedside. First one, he joined. Second one not. I am by family with rest of my family.
With covid restrictions, my husband didn't come home to sleep yet over a month. Stuck there. They made issues for me to even visit. No changing shifts.
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Growing




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 1:17 pm
amother [ Maroon ] wrote:
My husband made a seder in the hospital at my son's bedside. First one, he joined. Second one not. I am by family with rest of my family.
With covid restrictions, my husband didn't come home to sleep yet over a month. Stuck there. They made issues for me to even visit. No changing shifts.


ouch. that's just beyond
Hug
may your son have a speedy recovery
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lovingmommy3417




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 1:28 pm
I had a screaming 4 yo the entire 2nd seder. He refused to go to sleep and was so over tired. So I quickly did my own seder and delt with him.
Looking at all of your sedarim I feel so grateful for what I have. Hugs OP.
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