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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Pesach
S/O what was the worst moment of the Seder
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amother
Natural


 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 1:29 pm
Finding out a relative in the hospital went into septic shock and coded during our seder.
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amother
Oak


 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 1:29 pm
amother [ Ecru ] wrote:
My brother was off his ADHD meds because they contain chametz. Much fun was had by all!


Oh my. I didn’t even think to check if my son’s meds contain chometz. What medication is that? On second thought , I’m not sure if I want to know. Ignorance is bliss.
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SixOfWands




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 1:34 pm
amother [ Ecru ] wrote:
My brother was off his ADHD meds because they contain chametz. Much fun was had by all!


CYLOR. If the meds cannot be replaced by chametz-free ones, I think they can be taken for pikuach nefesh.
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amother
Ecru


 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 1:43 pm
SixOfWands wrote:
CYLOR. If the meds cannot be replaced by chametz-free ones, I think they can be taken for pikuach nefesh.

I don't think an 8 year old with ADHD is pikuach nefesh. It was quite loud though Laugh
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amother
Oak


 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 1:45 pm
amother [ Ecru ] wrote:
I don't think an 8 year old with ADHD is pikuach nefesh. It was quite loud though Laugh


I think it may be pikuach nefesh for the people around him.
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amother
Bronze


 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 1:46 pm
This doesn't compare at all to others' worst moments, and I feel lame writing it, but: I missed a lot of the Seder because I had to put my baby to sleep.
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amother
Red


 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 1:49 pm
amother [ Bronze ] wrote:
This doesn't compare at all to others' worst moments, and I feel lame writing it, but: I missed a lot of the Seder because I had to put my baby to sleep.


Similar, I felt bad for typing it but I felt extremely nauseas for the whole 2nd seder. I'm pregnant and I suppose the matza, grape juice and messed up sleeping schedules were getting to me. Bh for a good reason, was tough though. I spent the end of the seder on the couch 😏
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amother
Ecru


 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 1:52 pm
amother [ Oak ] wrote:
I think it may be pikuach nefesh for the people around him.

Dw, we were not driven to suicide, though we did entertain thoughts of throwing him unceremoniously out the window.
On a serious note though, we were staying at my parents, and their chinuch decisions are their business, not mine.
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amother
Cyan


 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 2:07 pm
DH has anger management issues. He spent the first half of the seder yelling at literally everyone until mid-magid he suddenly came to his senses and apologized
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SixOfWands




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 2:16 pm
amother [ Ecru ] wrote:
I don't think an 8 year old with ADHD is pikuach nefesh. It was quite loud though Laugh


CYLOR. And your child's doctors. Mental health issues, including ADHD, are important.
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amother
Smokey


 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 2:17 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Didn't want to derail that other beautiful thread. But not all of us were so blessed.

Was it when my 14 yo had a fit in the afternoon before Seder because I let my partially OTD kid eat ketchup with a lower hechsher than we normally use (as an attempt to make it easier for him to not go out and eat real chametz on Pesach), and he was still complaining about it after Maariv? Or perhaps when said 14 year old sat at the Seder table pretending to be disabled (like his brother), screaming 'I don't wanna have a Seder, I don't wanna have a seder'? Maybe it was when DH starting reading some random thing that he thought was interesting, but clearly no one else did, and he was ignoring all my cues to leave it and push on, until Otd guy, who had been cooperating nicely until that point, muttered loudly 'nobody cares, this is so f$&#-!-& boring'.
Or perhaps when DH yelled at me in front of everyone for singing vhisheamda too fast? Or perhaps it was when the otd kid had enough of the father and the 14 yo and screamed 'shut the f#&+ up' and left the Seder, saying he was going to go to work the next day (whereas previously he was going to take a day off). Or perhaps it was when the autistic teen who had been in the dining room but was clearly oblivious to what was going on said "why is the the second cup. I never had a first cup", and had a mini meltdown about that. Maybe it was when the child who was helping me in the kitchen dropped an entire tray of schnitzel on the floor? Or maybe it was my literally falling asleep at the table after benching because I'm always the one who does everything and I was just soooo tired? I wonder if this Seder was the worst Seder that has ever been made.


Not this year but a few years ago, on the first night I was absolutely exhausted and told dh to sped up. He got annoyed with me because he wanted to do everything thoroughly.
On the next night I raised the topic of how he does not understand how hard I work and ended up having a nervous breakdown. I never went to seder but stayed in bed and wailed that marriage and judaism have ruined my life. That lasted the whole seder actually. I was only capable of getting up ans eating when kids were already in bed.
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Ema of 5




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 2:35 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Didn't want to derail that other beautiful thread. But not all of us were so blessed.

Was it when my 14 yo had a fit in the afternoon before Seder because I let my partially OTD kid eat ketchup with a lower hechsher than we normally use (as an attempt to make it easier for him to not go out and eat real chametz on Pesach), and he was still complaining about it after Maariv? Or perhaps when said 14 year old sat at the Seder table pretending to be disabled (like his brother), screaming 'I don't wanna have a Seder, I don't wanna have a seder'? Maybe it was when DH starting reading some random thing that he thought was interesting, but clearly no one else did, and he was ignoring all my cues to leave it and push on, until Otd guy, who had been cooperating nicely until that point, muttered loudly 'nobody cares, this is so f$&#-!-& boring'.
Or perhaps when DH yelled at me in front of everyone for singing vhisheamda too fast? Or perhaps it was when the otd kid had enough of the father and the 14 yo and screamed 'shut the f#&+ up' and left the Seder, saying he was going to go to work the next day (whereas previously he was going to take a day off). Or perhaps it was when the autistic teen who had been in the dining room but was clearly oblivious to what was going on said "why is the the second cup. I never had a first cup", and had a mini meltdown about that. Maybe it was when the child who was helping me in the kitchen dropped an entire tray of schnitzel on the floor? Or maybe it was my literally falling asleep at the table after benching because I'm always the one who does everything and I was just soooo tired? I wonder if this Seder was the worst Seder that has ever been made.

The whole seder was terrible for me, because my father passed away exactly a week ago, and it is my first seder without my father. The WORST part for me was chasal siddur pesach, which we sang to the tune that we always sang with him. (I know, not exactly what you were looking for)
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Notsobusy




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 3:10 pm
Ema of 4 wrote:
The whole seder was terrible for me, because my father passed away exactly a week ago, and it is my first seder without my father. The WORST part for me was chasal siddur pesach, which we sang to the tune that we always sang with him. (I know, not exactly what you were looking for)


I'm so sorry. It must have been so painful and emotion. Not that any time is a good time, but right before Pesach is really hard for so many reasons.

המקום מנחם אתחם בתוך שאר אבלי ציון וירושלים
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 3:58 pm
Ema of 4 wrote:
The whole seder was terrible for me, because my father passed away exactly a week ago, and it is my first seder without my father. The WORST part for me was chasal siddur pesach, which we sang to the tune that we always sang with him. (I know, not exactly what you were looking for)


I wasn't really looking for anything except maybe to vent and stop feeling so sorry for myself.

I'm so sorry for your loss.
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amother
Orange


 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 4:34 pm
Last year was our first year without guests due to Corona. Guests usually keep my kids in line. I guess they're too embarrassed to act out in front of people. To some extent at least.

My then 13 year old son with ADD is in special education for his lackluster reading and comprehension skills. He's such a good, sweet boy who just wanted to get through his Divrei Torah. He asks a million questions on everything and reads painfully slow in a way that no one can understand.

His then 15 year old brother and 11 year old brother, both with diagnosed ADHD and ODD freaked out. The 11 year old just huffed and puffed and rolled his eyes but the 15 year old lost it completely yelling how no one has patience, they're all starving, can't he just be quiet already, making fun of him, and other things. It deteriorated until I couldn't take it anymore. I literally took a magazine and left. I went downstairs and read Mishpacha in a bus stop until things calmed down. (Yes, I'm admitting here that I did that. No, I didn't sit at the head of the table, juggling and handling the situation expertly, as a mother should. I LEFT.) In the meantime, 1 was crying, 1 was screaming and 1 was on the porch smoking. I assume DH was yelling. I assume the girls ranged from scared to mortified according to their ages. Eventually everyone returned, and the seder continued awkwardly and mechanically. (And for me, sitting at the head of the table thinking, 'Really? I cooked and cleaned for this?')

This year, in an effort to preempt a similar situation, I spoke to everyone beforehand. It helped. This year was much better. There was one small incident, of course, because they're still them. But it was bearable, even enjoyable.

OP, people think I have a very nice life. No one knows about the issues behind closed doors, because I makes sure to hide it. The only reason I'm sharing here is to give you some measure of you not being alone.
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 4:42 pm
amother [ Orange ] wrote:
Last year was our first year without guests due to Corona. Guests usually keep my kids in line. I guess they're too embarrassed to act out in front of people. To some extent at least.

My then 13 year old son with ADD is in special education for his lackluster reading and comprehension skills. He's such a good, sweet boy who just wanted to get through his Divrei Torah. He asks a million questions on everything and reads painfully slow in a way that no one can understand.

His then 15 year old brother and 11 year old brother, both with diagnosed ADHD and ODD freaked out. The 11 year old just huffed and puffed and rolled his eyes but the 15 year old lost it completely yelling how no one has patience, they're all starving, can't he just be quiet already, making fun of him, and other things. It deteriorated until I couldn't take it anymore. I literally took a magazine and left. I went downstairs and read Mishpacha in a bus stop until things calmed down. (Yes, I'm admitting here that I did that. No, I didn't sit at the head of the table, juggling and handling the situation expertly, as a mother should. I LEFT.) In the meantime, 1 was crying, 1 was screaming and 1 was on the porch smoking. I assume DH was yelling. I assume the girls ranged from scared to mortified according to their ages. Eventually everyone returned, and the seder continued awkwardly and mechanically. (And for me, sitting at the head of the table thinking, 'Really? I cooked and cleaned for this?')

This year, in an effort to preempt a similar situation, I spoke to everyone beforehand. It helped. This year was much better. There was one small incident, of course, because they're still them. But it was bearable, even enjoyable.

OP, people think I have a very nice life. No one knows about the issues behind closed doors, because I makes sure to hide it. The only reason I'm sharing here is to give you some measure of you not being alone.


I am so sorry that this is your lot in life atm. Thank you so much for posting, it does indeed give me chizzuk.

One piece of unsolicited advice, which helps me anyways- as soon as you start saying to yourself "for this I cleaned and cooked"... Stop. It will only make you miserable. Rather say - I did what I had to do. The results are not up to me. I make Seder to serve Hashem, if my family choses to not enjoy it, that's their problem.
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 4:48 pm
amother [ Slategray ] wrote:
I am so sorry for your pain. You have a lot on your plate. Way too much pain and hardship. May you witness Hashem's rachmanus in your personal life very soon.
As an aside, as the mother of a special needs dc too, I humbly suggest that you please make sure your 14 year old gets professional help in dealing with the multiple challenges he's caught between.
Lots of hugs! May today look brighter!


I'm sorry I should have acknowledged this post earlier, I hope you come back and see this comment. Thank you so very much for the beautiful bracha.
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amother
Lime


 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 5:46 pm
amother [ Cyan ] wrote:
DH has anger management issues. He spent the first half of the seder yelling at literally everyone until mid-magid he suddenly came to his senses and apologized


My ex was like that, only he never apologized. He got mad at something one of my kids (from a previous marriage) said or did - who remembers what anymore - and smashed the egg that was on the kaara and threw a glass of wine against the wall so it shattered and left wine stains all over that wall. Glad I got rid of that guy!
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bigsis144




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 6:35 pm
Not the Seder, but today, chol hamoed, after I forced DS11 to get off the computer and go outdoors with the family for 3 hours (because the forecast is rain for the rest of chol hamoed and he’ll get to play more then):

“when I grow up, I’m gonna take my kids and take them into the woods and abandon them to fend for themselves. And then I’m gonna adopt more kids so that I can abandon them too, because I want to torture kids. Because that’s what YOU taught me ema. Because that’s what you MADE me. You made me a bad person.”

It’s been like this for 4 days. He hasn’t eaten anything but grape juice, matzah and chocolate since Friday, and has been screaming at everyone, but I am the particular recipient of his wrath.

“You waste my time; I’ll waste your time AND money. What should I break... I know. The washing machine! You know, this is all your fault.”
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 6:43 pm
Not this year but I’ll never forget. My grandma had a stroke in middle of the Seder. When Hatzolah carried her out, I just knew that would be the last time I saw her. I was right. And every pesach when we get up to korech (when it happened) I’m reminded of it.
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