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amother




Amber
 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 6:49 pm
bigsis144 wrote:
Not the Seder, but today, chol hamoed, after I forced DS11 to get off the computer and go outdoors with the family for 3 hours (because the forecast is rain for the rest of chol hamoed and he’ll get to play more then):

“when I grow up, I’m gonna take my kids and take them into the woods and abandon them to fend for themselves. And then I’m gonna adopt more kids so that I can abandon them too, because I want to torture kids. Because that’s what YOU taught me ema. Because that’s what you MADE me. You made me a bad person.”

It’s been like this for 4 days. He hasn’t eaten anything but grape juice, matzah and chocolate since Friday, and has been screaming at everyone, but I am the particular recipient of his wrath.

“You waste my time; I’ll waste your time AND money. What should I break... I know. The washing machine! You know, this is all your fault.”


I have one of these. "I am feeling miserable. So everyone else needs to feel miserable too, and I will make sure of it. You order me around, so why shouldn't I order you? Get me a cup. Get me soda. If not, I will get them both and throw them both. Don't want me to? Then you should really get them for me. Don't want me to dump supper on the floor? Get me the food I want and the seat I want- Shmuel, get up and move. If you actually cared about me, maybe I'd be different."

And this is the kid who is supposed to not yell at the sibling for going OTD.
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 6:50 pm
bigsis144 wrote:
Not the Seder, but today, chol hamoed, after I forced DS11 to get off the computer and go outdoors with the family for 3 hours (because the forecast is rain for the rest of chol hamoed and he’ll get to play more then):

“when I grow up, I’m gonna take my kids and take them into the woods and abandon them to fend for themselves. And then I’m gonna adopt more kids so that I can abandon them too, because I want to torture kids. Because that’s what YOU taught me ema. Because that’s what you MADE me. You made me a bad person.”

It’s been like this for 4 days. He hasn’t eaten anything but grape juice, matzah and chocolate since Friday, and has been screaming at everyone, but I am the particular recipient of his wrath.

“You waste my time; I’ll waste your time AND money. What should I break... I know. The washing machine! You know, this is all your fault.”


Oh that's horrible (((hugs)))
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 6:53 pm
amother [ Cerise ] wrote:
Not this year but I’ll never forget. My grandma had a stroke in middle of the Seder. When Hatzolah carried her out, I just knew that would be the last time I saw her. I was right. And every pesach when we get up to korech (when it happened) I’m reminded of it.


My heart is in my mouth just thinking of that. She died during a mitzvah and would have gone straight from your Seder to a Seder shell maalah in shamayim. But so hard for those remaining behind
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amother




Cerise
 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 6:58 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My heart is in my mouth just thinking of that. She died during a mitzvah and would have gone straight from your Seder to a Seder shell maalah in shamayim. But so hard for those remaining behind


Thanks for that. She actually died about a month later but this was the beginning of the end.....
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bigsis144




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 7:16 pm
amother [ Amber ] wrote:
I have one of these. "I am feeling miserable. So everyone else needs to feel miserable too, and I will make sure of it. You order me around, so why shouldn't I order you? Get me a cup. Get me soda. If not, I will get them both and throw them both. Don't want me to? Then you should really get them for me. Don't want me to dump supper on the floor? Get me the food I want and the seat I want- Shmuel, get up and move. If you actually cared about me, maybe I'd be different."

And this is the kid who is supposed to not yell at the sibling for going OTD.


Exactly. Hugs to you, Amber, because it is HORRIBLE.

My DS, the 11 year old, has been pulling his 2 year old sister’s pigtails all day, telling her she looks like a moron and a fool for wearing her hair that way.
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amother




Hotpink
 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 7:32 pm
My first Seder was awful. My adult daughter had a tirade and I had to leave the room, though I did come back eventually. So frustrating.
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Mar 30 2021, 7:53 pm
amother [ Cerise ] wrote:
Thanks for that. She actually died about a month later but this was the beginning of the end.....


So sorry for your loss.
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Chickensoupprof




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Mar 31 2021, 4:36 am
I'm a bad sederer, I basically need to go to bed otherwise I get an evening mood. However I was in Amsterdam I was for my DH in English-speaking families and after reading Hebrew, trying to follow discussions in English I crashed on the couch the first night. I bh made it to the end.
The 2nd one was at my goodfriend and I really got overstimulated and cried for a while in their guestroom, the after YT we couldn't go home and because we have a curfew we had to sleep at our friends. Was good.
I think I was a bit scared that and jealous also becasue there is a new couple and I have such traumas of messed up social relationships that I was afraid that she would ditch me for the other one.
She knows abotu my axienities and later I told her and she said ''I'm your sister, I can't ditch my sister, you were sooo tired good you slept now so well''
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amother




Slateblue
 

Post Wed, Mar 31 2021, 8:07 am
OP you are a r true hero for handling all of that. H must have a very very very high opinion of you, if He believes in you managing such complicated dynamics . Most people I know would probably collapse or go insane, kol hakavod for being so strong.

our worst point was: we had MANY guests second seder. one family that invited themselves are parents who just recently devorced -one parent came uninvited and threw a tantrum, one daughter was so upset that she left right away (she told me she wants to kill herself, I gave hier a box of chocolates, food, icecream etc and told her to grab a great book and go to sleep). the mother was in tears, another son (who came in tshirt and jeans) started complaining that our seder is too slow, the food to simple and the kids to childish (well yes I have several kids two to eight).

the other guests were shocked. dh tried to play it down, be nice to the tshirt teenager and said he souldnt leave, he needs him for zimun, comlimented him on how nice he sings etc.
my kids are too young to understand and didnt hear the insults and bad words used. but the other guests did.

a child of other guests (5 years old) didnt stop crying, because he peed his pants which for me was totally ok, I immediately gave him nice pessachdig oufit to change into, but his mother was SO embarased and said he beahved like a baby in fron tof everyone. I said its normal, he is tired its 2.30 am, he was absentminded while playing, he is 5 years old, why puish him, he is embarased already???


yeah so after all guests left at 4 am. dh and I decided we sit down with OUR kids and sing on, tell mayses, compiment them AGAIN on their haggadot from gan (yes they were VERY tired by then, but we cuddled them and made sure to give them attention for another 40 minutes). was the best decision . they shouldnt go to bed confused after seder, afterall there was a lot going on while hte guests were here.
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Crookshanks




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Mar 31 2021, 8:09 am
amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:
OP you are a r true hero for handling all of that. H must have a very very very high opinion of you, if He believes in you managing such complicated dynamics . Most people I know would probably collapse or go insane, kol hakavod for being so strong.

our worst point was: we had MANY guests second seder. one family that invited themselves are parents who just recently devorced -one parent came uninvited and threw a tantrum, one daughter was so upset that she left right away (she told me she wants to kill herself, I gave hier a box of chocolates, food, icecream etc and told her to grab a great book and go to sleep). the mother was in tears, another son (who came in tshirt and jeans) started complaining that our seder is too slow, the food to simple and the kids to childish (well yes I have several kids two to eight).

the other guests were shocked. dh tried to play it down, be nice to the tshirt teenager and said he souldnt leave, he needs him for zimun, comlimented him on how nice he sings etc.
my kids are too young to understand and didnt hear the insults and bad words used. but the other guests did.

a child of other guests (5 years old) didnt stop crying, because he peed his pants which for me was totally ok, I immediately gave him nice pessachdig oufit to change into, but his mother was SO embarased and said he beahved like a baby in fron tof everyone. I said its normal, he is tired its 2.30 am, he was absentminded while playing, he is 5 years old, why puish him, he is embarased already???


yeah so after all guests left at 4 am. dh and I decided we sit down with OUR kids and sing on, tell mayses, compiment them AGAIN on their haggadot from gan (yes they were VERY tired by then, but we cuddled them and made sure to give them attention for another 40 minutes). was the best decision . they shouldnt go to bed confused after seder, afterall there was a lot going on while hte guests were here.

Kol hakavod, it sounds like you handled everything in the best possible way.
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Mar 31 2021, 8:28 am
amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:
OP you are a r true hero for handling all of that. H must have a very very very high opinion of you, if He believes in you managing such complicated dynamics . Most people I know would probably collapse or go insane, kol hakavod for being so strong.

our worst point was: we had MANY guests second seder. one family that invited themselves are parents who just recently devorced -one parent came uninvited and threw a tantrum, one daughter was so upset that she left right away (she told me she wants to kill herself, I gave hier a box of chocolates, food, icecream etc and told her to grab a great book and go to sleep). the mother was in tears, another son (who came in tshirt and jeans) started complaining that our seder is too slow, the food to simple and the kids to childish (well yes I have several kids two to eight).

the other guests were shocked. dh tried to play it down, be nice to the tshirt teenager and said he souldnt leave, he needs him for zimun, comlimented him on how nice he sings etc.
my kids are too young to understand and didnt hear the insults and bad words used. but the other guests did.

a child of other guests (5 years old) didnt stop crying, because he peed his pants which for me was totally ok, I immediately gave him nice pessachdig oufit to change into, but his mother was SO embarased and said he beahved like a baby in fron tof everyone. I said its normal, he is tired its 2.30 am, he was absentminded while playing, he is 5 years old, why puish him, he is embarased already???


yeah so after all guests left at 4 am. dh and I decided we sit down with OUR kids and sing on, tell mayses, compiment them AGAIN on their haggadot from gan (yes they were VERY tired by then, but we cuddled them and made sure to give them attention for another 40 minutes). was the best decision . they shouldnt go to bed confused after seder, afterall there was a lot going on while hte guests were here.


I'm speechless.
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