Home

Getting Jelous
1, 2, 3, 4  Next  Last >>
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Pesach


View latest: 24h 48h 72h


amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Apr 01 2021, 9:09 am
Of those that are going to nice Pesach programs
I was never jealous and it’s rediculous that at this age I am
But I’ve gotten to the point I can’t do this any more
It’s just too much work
And even though I’m not so old I feel old

All year I’m an empty nester
Then they ALL come to me
I do all the cooking and B”H some of the cleaning because my generous hubby gets me a cleaning lady

The first time I was out of the house (kitchen) in a week was yesterday to go grocery shopping.

And for those that say
You need to dress up at every meal, etc.

I live OOT
No one knows me
And I do me
I don’t care if I’m not stylish or I repeat my outfits.

I just don’t want to host any more

All EVERYONE wants to do is eat eat eat

I AM NOT A PESACH HOTEL

I could afford myself to go
Not for everyone else

But my husband has a kehilla and can’t leave
Back to top

oneofakind




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Apr 01 2021, 9:21 am
Hugs. Could they contribute somehow? Anybody have a way to cook or bake beforehand or come early to help? I hope they are helping by setting, clearing off, making salads etc?
Can you hire someone to help you cook I.e. Peel and chop?
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Apr 01 2021, 9:28 am
oneofakind wrote:
Hugs. Could they contribute somehow? Anybody have a way to cook or bake beforehand or come early to help? I hope they are helping by setting, clearing off, making salads etc?
Can you hire someone to help you cook I.e. Peel and chop?


That’s all great
BUT I WANT TO BE PAMPERED AND HOSTED
Plus they make too much of a mess
Back to top

watergirl




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Apr 01 2021, 9:30 am
Delegate!! You deserve a rest also!! Your adult children who have come back to you for pesach are more than capable of cooking and cleaning also! Shame on them for not sending you for a massage and a break. Today is your day. Take today off before shabbos cooking starts, or delegate cooking to the other adults at your house, and go out and relax!!
Back to top

tree of life




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Apr 01 2021, 9:32 am
So for next time actually if u in America last days in can even be done at night make a list like peel potatoes peel carrots etc make table make cake etc get everyone to choose what that can do I say it needs to be done by a certain time you deserve to also have a break make sure you take a rest midday go to sleep hatzlacha
Back to top

amother




Pearl
 

Post Thu, Apr 01 2021, 9:34 am
So tell them you’re going away. Trust me- most kids don’t want to come. It’s a lot of work and hassle being away from home trying to keep Mommy happy.

*from mine and my friends experiences. We are guilted into coming for Pesach . It’s too much.
Back to top

Frumme




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Apr 01 2021, 9:36 am
Next year, why can't you tell everyone that you can't host? Just leave it at that. Tell them you need a break from hosting and that you want a quiet pesach just the two of you. It's not such a strange request. Maybe everyone comes to you because they believe you enjoy hosting them.
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Apr 01 2021, 9:37 am
I guess ppl here don’t get it
I WANT TO BE HOSTED
I WANT TO BE PAMPERED
I WANT ACTIVITIES AND MEALS ALL PLANNED OUT
I WANT MY ONLY WORRYTO BE WHAT WILLI WEAR TODAY
Back to top

professor




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Apr 01 2021, 9:37 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Of those that are going to nice Pesach programs
I was never jealous and it’s rediculous that at this age I am
But I’ve gotten to the point I can’t do this any more
It’s just too much work
And even though I’m not so old I feel old

All year I’m an empty nester
Then they ALL come to me
I do all the cooking and B”H some of the cleaning because my generous hubby gets me a cleaning lady

The first time I was out of the house (kitchen) in a week was yesterday to go grocery shopping.

And for those that say
You need to dress up at every meal, etc.

I live OOT
No one knows me
And I do me
I don’t care if I’m not stylish or I repeat my outfits.

I just don’t want to host any more

All EVERYONE wants to do is eat eat eat

I AM NOT A PESACH HOTEL

I could afford myself to go
Not for everyone else

But my husband has a kehilla and can’t leave


Hugs!

Will it help to know that the kids really really appreciate it? I am one. My mother is doing a lot of work and as the children grow they get hungrier and need more, her work is never done! We all try to help but it's also harder because all the children are home and have no school or anything and the adult children are busy with their own children all day.

I hope you have hatzlacha and maybe go on a vacation with DH after yom tov is over? Hug
Back to top

professor




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Apr 01 2021, 9:39 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I guess ppl here don’t get it
I WANT TO BE HOSTED
I WANT TO BE PAMPERED
I WANT ACTIVITIES AND MEALS ALL PLANNED OUT
I WANT MY ONLY WORRYTO BE WHAT WILLI WEAR TODAY


Is it at all possible for you to do? Can your husband leave his kehilla with someone else for one yom tov? Maybe ask him, and then just go together.
Back to top

watergirl




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Apr 01 2021, 9:39 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I guess ppl here don’t get it
I WANT TO BE HOSTED
I WANT TO BE PAMPERED
I WANT ACTIVITIES AND MEALS ALL PLANNED OUT
I WANT MY ONLY WORRYTO BE WHAT WILLI WEAR TODAY

I get it 100%. I have never been away for pesach ever and my kids are still too young to help in a meaningful way. You are validated. It stinks and is so hard to be the one who cant go.
Back to top

watergirl




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Apr 01 2021, 9:43 am
professor wrote:
Hugs!

Will it help to know that the kids really really appreciate it? I am one. My mother is doing a lot of work and as the children grow they get hungrier and need more, her work is never done! We all try to help but it's also harder because all the children are home and have no school or anything and the adult children are busy with their own children all day.

I hope you have hatzlacha and maybe go on a vacation with DH after yom tov is over? Hug

Why are the adult children so busy with their kids that they cant tell their mother to sit with her feet up for the day? How many couples are there? One parent makes a meal, the others watch the kids. Or if there is one couple, mom makes the meal for everyone (hosts included), dad watches the kids, everyone eats, dad cleans up and mom watches the kids. What am I missing? Surely your chol hamoed activity can accommodate taking a shift so mom can enjoy time off?
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Apr 01 2021, 9:47 am
I say there should be a Halacha that anyone that hosts Pesach
MUST BE PAMPERED ALL THE WAY
The week after, the whole week
And there should be mehudar ways like the more mehudar the better
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Apr 01 2021, 9:50 am
watergirl wrote:
Why are the adult children so busy with their kids that they cant tell their mother to sit with her feet up for the day? How many couples are there? One parent makes a meal, the others watch the kids. Or if there is one couple, mom makes the meal for everyone (hosts included), dad watches the kids, everyone eats, dad cleans up and mom watches the kids. What am I missing? Surely your chol hamoed activity can accommodate taking a shift so mom can enjoy time off?


I guess they never got the memo
And believe me this child was not brought up this way
When they were young they ALL helped
Back to top

twizzlers1




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Apr 01 2021, 9:53 am
I am really sorry that this is your experience. We don't go to my parents often but when we did we all pitched in like crazy. We all helped turned over the kitchen and everyone helped cook. My mom found it easier to do most of the cooking with all of us doing a lot of the prep work. That my Family helps with pretty much all of the cleanup. I can't imagine going and not pitching in a ton. and before we left we all made sure to clean up the bedroom extremely well and cleaned all the bathrooms so she was not left with a huge mess. Of course she had plenty of laundry of all the linens and things but hopefully that's about it
Back to top

PinkFridge




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Apr 01 2021, 9:54 am
I don't know how feasible a hotel is. It's big $$$ to get a really enjoyable program. You might be comped if your husband's a scholar in residence but often the wives have to work too.

So for the moment, I'll assume you can't get away, even if your husband didn't have to be there for his kehilla.

What you need to do is find ways to make things easier for yourself. Hold these thoughts for Succos:
1. Everyone brings their own linens and makes their beds.
2. You have scheduled time off every day.
3. The kids help with the cooking. ETA: and cleaning.
4. You never do child care, even to give a well-deserved morning off to a tired, hard working, contributing daughter or dil. (UNLESS you are feeling refreshed because of the new world order you'll be setting.)
5. You keep your eye on the post-yom tov prize of some pampering that floats your boat: a massage, a new pair of shoes, new book, whatever.

May Hashem give you renewed koach, and may you see the kiyum of v'chol mi she'oskim b'tzarchei tzibbur be'emunah etc.


Last edited by PinkFridge on Thu, Apr 01 2021, 10:24 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top

professor




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Apr 01 2021, 9:57 am
watergirl wrote:
Why are the adult children so busy with their kids that they cant tell their mother to sit with her feet up for the day? How many couples are there? One parent makes a meal, the others watch the kids. Or if there is one couple, mom makes the meal for everyone (hosts included), dad watches the kids, everyone eats, dad cleans up and mom watches the kids. What am I missing? Surely your chol hamoed activity can accommodate taking a shift so mom can enjoy time off?


That's true. They should get organized like that and give OP some time off. She should be able to go out with friends in chol hamoed too!
Back to top

sub




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Apr 01 2021, 9:57 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I guess ppl here don’t get it
I WANT TO BE HOSTED
I WANT TO BE PAMPERED
I WANT ACTIVITIES AND MEALS ALL PLANNED OUT
I WANT MY ONLY WORRYTO BE WHAT WILLI WEAR TODAY

Yes!!! I get it. We did this the year before covid.
DH and I flew to Yerushalayim to a hotel for Pesach.
BEST thing we ever did. We needed it.
No cooking, no cleaning, no changing linen.
No serving. No making lists, no shopping, no changing over kitchen, no packing away motzaei yom tov.
Just enjoying the chag. Going when and where without planning and waiting for everyone to figure out when/ where they want, can.
This year we were all together BH.
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Apr 01 2021, 10:00 am
BTW- it’s only 1 small family I’m hosting
My other kids stay at their home.
But they are ALWAYS too much work
They count for50+ ppl.
They want to be pampered at my expense
And they are the type to be super offended so it’s easier for me to zip my mouth and have peace, and keep my sanity.
I rather a peaceful house and do all the work than constant bickering m my, complaining, fighting etc.
And believe me this child was not raised like that.

Maybe others can handle it, but I can’t anymore

And of corse they stayed extra
3 days before and 3 days after
I hate dreding the holiday
Back to top

watergirl




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Apr 01 2021, 10:00 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I guess they never got the memo
And believe me this child was not brought up this way
When they were young they ALL helped

Urgh. I am so sorry. For some reason, there is some kind of sense of entitlement some people feel when they get married. Maybe it comes from the spouse, maybe it comes from what I hear their friends saying, who knows.

amother [ OP ] wrote:
I say there should be a Halacha that anyone that hosts Pesach
MUST BE PAMPERED ALL THE WAY
The week after, the whole week
And there should be mehudar ways like the more mehudar the better

I agree fully with this! The same thought, care, and attention we put to get the most mehudar esrog, thr thinnest matza with the best hechsher, the nicest clothing, the tastiest meat... treat mom mehudar also!
Back to top
1, 2, 3, 4  Next  Last >> Recent Topics

Page 1 of 4 View latest: 24h 48h 72h


Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Pesach

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Student getting a booster in Israel
by amother
4 Sun, Sep 19 2021, 10:22 am View last post
Getting a diagnosis Monsey ADHD
by amother
14 Sun, Sep 12 2021, 8:36 pm View last post
DH invited someone for YK. Need help getting out of it
by amother
17 Sun, Sep 12 2021, 4:13 pm View last post
Moving help in brooklyn and getting rid/selling stuff
by ladYdI
7 Fri, Sep 10 2021, 5:01 pm View last post
My baby's getting an RSV vaccine tomorrow
by leebs
6 Sat, Sep 04 2021, 9:35 pm View last post