Kids don't like name we chose to call

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Forum -> Pregnancy & Childbirth -> Baby Names

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amother

Fri, Apr 02 2021, 1:50 am

I had a baby bh a few weeks ago . We gave baby 2 names , and decided to call with 1 name out of the two that we like . Ironically my kids call the baby with the name we decided not to call . So comes out me and dh call baby with the name we decided on, while all my other kids call with the other name . I feel it's very disrespectful, and I told my kids a few times that they get to call the baby how tatty and mom decides . They don't take it in . It really gets to me . I feel it's not the way how it works . Parents call one way and kids another way . Am I crazy that this is getting to me or is it the norm?

amother

Purple

Fri, Apr 02 2021, 2:05 am

No you’re not crazy! That sounds hard. My guess is that if you both stay firm and confident about it the kids will eventually come around and call the baby by the same name. There is a security that comes along with both of the parents being on the same page about something that should trump their apparent preference. Try to be as matter of fact about it as possible (meaning not getting emotional if they keep using the other name anyway) and also avoid calling the baby “the baby” as much as you can. By fondly referencing the baby by its name when speaking to the other children about it and maybe even calling it by its full name here or there to acknowledge the other name, hopefully it will grow on them in a positive way.

amother

Periwinkle

Fri, Apr 02 2021, 2:05 am

I’m due in a few weeks and gonna name the baby after my parent. It’s 2 names. I want to call the baby by name that my parent was called and my kids don’t like that name. They want to call the baby by the other name. I told them No way!
So I totally get you. I would not like it either. Maybe just put your foot down and make it clear how you should all call the baby.

Rappel

Fri, Apr 02 2021, 2:07 am

I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. Just keep using the name you like, and they'll fall in line eventually. Don't make an issue out of it. Kids call their siblings all kinds of funny things.

amother

Yellow

Fri, Apr 02 2021, 2:10 am

I know a bunch of cases where the nickname that the older kids called the baby ended up sticking more than the name the parents intended.

In my case, my youngest son was named a double name after a great-grandparent. The first name is difficult to pronounce for many people whereas the middle name is a common Jewish name. We intended to call him by his middle name and even put that on his birth certificate, but the older kids started using the first name and then the grandparents followed and now that name stuck. It's fine, but it's annoying when all the legal paperwork is in the name we intended to use instead of the one we ended up using.

amother

Forestgreen

Fri, Apr 02 2021, 2:12 am

I mean the other name is also the baby's name. From a halachic perspective, your baby's name has two parts which make up his name. Why name the child something that you wouldn't want him to be called by?

That being said, maybe it's easier for your other kids to pronounce the other name. Or perhaps you can compromise by making a nickname for baby together as a family.

Crookshanks

Fri, Apr 02 2021, 2:27 am

It's pretty weird if it's two separate names, but in my family we definitely had a bunch of nicknames going on, some from parents, some from older siblings.

amother

Blonde

Fri, Apr 02 2021, 3:43 am

I don't think you would bother me at all as long as it was a name that I gave the child. I don't know maybe it's because I have older teens now and I have a lot bigger battles than this.

amother

Tangerine

Fri, Apr 02 2021, 3:51 am

The ages of said kids matters in this I feel in how to see it. A 16yo this would be disrespect while a 5yo more impulsivity than intent. But I understand it from their pov too. My younger sib had a double name given at birth and my mom insisted on using the weird name. I felt angry and grudging to use it because I wanted the best for this perfect baby and didnt want it to get made fun of.

amother

Gold

Fri, Apr 02 2021, 5:49 am

Parents wanted to name baby Raizel.
Children insisted on a hebrew name, not just yiddish.
Child gets named Shoshana Raizel.
Grows up accustomed to either name, abbreviations of each, or both at once.
Now best known to her husband as Raisin.

You can never completely control a person's name (or any other aspect of them), just do what you feel is best. Ultimately they will decide.

amother

Violet

Fri, Apr 02 2021, 6:57 am

I would be curious. I would try to understand “why”
Are they embarrassed by the other name? Is it hard to pronounce? Is there some other reason?
They’re not doing it just to provoke you.
Start a dialogue with them about this.

allthingsblue

Fri, Apr 02 2021, 7:07 am

Pick your battles.

(Hint: arguing over what to call a baby should probably not be one of them.)

Roots

Fri, Apr 02 2021, 7:11 am

on one hand I would say you are the parents and u decide, but hey, YOU decided on both names! now enjoy his name and stop fussing
but to be nicer, I dont thinkyou have to make a big deal about it. if you are consistent, theyll follow you soon enough

amother

Mauve

Fri, Apr 02 2021, 7:16 am

We gave 1 of my kids an unusual nickname for various reasons. Its cute, but not typical in our circles. Lately my tween dd has decided its nerdy/weird and we should change the nickname. I told her I'm sorry but us as parents get to choose, when she has her kids iyh she will get to choose with her husband. Anyway she started calling said child by the name she prefers but said 4 yr old has his own mind and will not hear of it. In fact if anyone calls him by the incorrect name (which happens fairly often when ppl think they know better, even teachers 🙄) he is very vocal and insistent on being called by his correct name. He really likes it, so that's ends all discussions.

Sesame

Fri, Apr 02 2021, 7:18 am

Your reaction seems strong!!!
I hated the name my parents gave to one of my siblings and was so embarrassed by it, so called him by his second name. My mother is called one name by her siblings and her other name by everyone else. My father calls his brother by his first name whereas everyone else goes by his second name. No biggie! They all have warm loving strong and good relationships between the siblings and parents. It never had a bad effect between the parents and the children.
As an adult, my brothers name doesn’t bother me now, but I never grew to like it. I got over the embarrassment when my mother found a name for him to be known by that would not be embarrassing. (Eg: a girl might be called Batsheva but known as Shevi.) I now call him by the name everyone else uses.
I think it probably isn’t meant as a disrespect. They’re looking for a way to connect to the new sibling in a way that feels most comfortable and normal to them. I would go along with it and it will probably fade out very soon. And if it doesn’t fade out, that’s okay too! You chose both names and it’s the child’s name after all. I don’t think any good will come out of this disrespect discussion with your children. Sibling relationships are incredibly important, and although your kids aren’t calling him by his first name, they’re building a relationship in a way that makes sense to them. It would be wise to facilitate a strong bond as much as possible, and if this the way, it’s not as a disrespect to you! As mentioned I would definitely have a safe non confrontational conversation about why they’re not comfortable with the name you prefer!! It’s not usually for no reason. Maybe if you find out about what’s bothering them, it can be addressed and everyone can be put to ease.
Just by the way, I would agree with you if it were anyone other than your young children that were choosing to call your child by their second name eg an uncle. That’s disrespectful to you. I just feel this is different though

amother

Powderblue

Fri, Apr 02 2021, 8:40 am

We will see how this goes. but My 3rd kid was born when my oldest was 3.5 and next child almost 2. The oldest kept calling baby by just the second name.while the younger at first called by both names then switches to just calling her by the second name. My husband and I always consistently called her by both names now. (Baby was named Chaya Esher, we always called her Chaya Esty and kids always called her Esty. Now she is 6 years old. Usually responds to all of us whatever we call her. but when her older siblings call her by her second name and they teese her about something she gets aggravated and asks both her parent and siblings to call her the name from her kidush, Chaya Esther. Interesting but her younger sibling, 4 years old calls her by both names like his parents. Guessing when baby gets older she might have a say in what shed called

amother

Fri, Apr 02 2021, 8:49 am

DC feel it's easier to pronounce the name the way they call her. From my perspective I think both names are easy to pronounce, wheares they claim that not . Actually it's 2 cute names . Both names are typical as chany and ruchy. They like better chany. I just feel when they call baby the way they decided than it looks like they have more a say than their parents, and they take Over. That said it's very hard once having big kids in the house and they start to take over or do things differently than parents expectations. I keep saying that when they will get married they will iyh set their houses the way they decide ... So far I'm talking to the walls.

amother

Lemon

Fri, Apr 02 2021, 9:13 am

amother [ Yellow ] wrote:

In my case, my youngest son was named a double name after a great-grandparent. The first name is difficult to pronounce for many people whereas the middle name is a common Jewish name. We intended to call him by his middle name and even put that on his birth certificate, but the older kids started using the first name and then the grandparents followed and now that name stuck. It's fine, but it's annoying when all the legal paperwork is in the name we intended to use instead of the one we ended up using.

Happened by one of my daughters. The twist is that her mother in law is called by her second name but they were willing to go into the shidduch as my daughter is now called by her first name. The fact that her second name is her legal name didn't bother them.

amother

Seagreen

Fri, Apr 02 2021, 9:31 am

I hear you but things will settle. I’m due with a baby now and I’m giving my mothers name my husband really dislikes one name so we will be calling the baby the other name that’s if it’s a girl. My kids like the name he dislikes but I believe it will settle if I keep calling the name we planned.
I will have the same issue if it’s a boy.

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