Dependent child in their 20s, living at home, how much money

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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imasinger

Tue, Apr 06 2021, 9:47 pm

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

You seem to have issues with that. I’m sorry your childhood/Young Adult years didn’t look like that. It really is a lovely privilege and a gift to be able to give your children.

Wow, I see it almost the polar opposite!

As I see it, the best gift I can give my young adults is the confidence that comes from knowing you can handle responsibility. Paying one's own way, even when under a parental roof, offers a really good start in life.

If a young adult has a disability impeding that goal, then offering the therapeutic and executive functioning support necessary to move forward seems to me the kindest, most loving way. Not giving an allowance to further the stagnation.

amother

Tue, Apr 06 2021, 10:37 pm

imasinger wrote:

If a young adult has a disability impeding that goal, then offering the therapeutic and executive functioning support necessary to move forward seems to me the kindest, most loving way. Not giving an allowance to further the stagnation.

After many years of patience, working with multiple therapists, its easy to give advice from afar.

amother

Mint

Tue, Apr 06 2021, 11:37 pm

I’d say around $300

amother

Plum

Tue, Apr 06 2021, 11:45 pm

Is he eating meals with you? What does he need money for?

amother

Hotpink

Tue, Apr 06 2021, 11:49 pm

If you live in tri state area, she can be eligible for her own food stamps case. With no expenses she would get about 100 dollars a month. Now with covid I know some are recieving more. That could be a big help

amother

Yellow

Tue, Apr 06 2021, 11:49 pm

Can this child work at all?
Would the incentive of purchasing some “ extra” motivate this child to do anything?
If yes, then maybe start at the lower end and encourage to fill in the difference.
I’ve watched this struggle up close.
May you and your child find menuchas hanefesh and all the blessings He has.

Sunsong

Wed, Apr 07 2021, 5:49 pm

I've seen this from the other end.

Currently, I have a brother in law who was allowed to be dependent on his parents for his whole life. My mechutanim are now dead. We have helped some, but I feel very resentful. He is also struggling.

If you expect your child to outlive you, then please help your child become independent now.

advocate

Wed, Apr 07 2021, 5:54 pm

OP, it's clear you are really thinking things through.

Would this child be eligible to open an ABLE account?

Get vocational training?

Other supports?

I would love to brainstorm with you, if you feel comfortable.

amother

Goldenrod

Wed, Apr 07 2021, 5:55 pm

my older brother still lives at home, he's around f40, no real job. I worry what will be with him Sad

dankbar

Wed, Apr 07 2021, 6:57 pm

Govt counts $50 per person for food weekly (non kosher )

imasinger

Wed, Apr 07 2021, 7:22 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

After many years of patience, working with multiple therapists, its easy to give advice from afar.

Believe me, I'm familiar!

Does he have a diagnosis?

amother

Forestgreen

Wed, Apr 07 2021, 7:40 pm

amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote:

my older brother still lives at home, he's around f40, no real job. I worry what will be with him Sad

My brother is 47 I don’t know what’s going to be with him.

Parents in this situation somehow make sure that these adult children are set upto live on their own.. don’t make it your other childrens problem

Petra

Wed, Apr 07 2021, 9:18 pm

I was going to say more like $300 a month but maybe it should be $200 and then $100 in a money market fund of some kind for later for some years down the road.

And some arrangement such as weekly chores/odd jobs around the house. Or continual outside effort at a useful marketable skill of some kind.

Or maybe attempt at disability or social worker and/or vocational rehab program.

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